Can never seem to get it right talking to girls

The only living, breathing person you mentioned was your brother. Even your parents think like we all do.....so maybe you aren't very good with your statistical numbering of your sample size.

Lol I think it is something to do with what I do for a living. I have been doing same thing my whole life as it spills to my every day communication (I teach special education). I often do have to repeat same thing for it to sink in

I feel bad for OP. I wish his parents lined up some proper help for him. I know repeating same thing won't do much but who knows what might sink in

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I don't think you know that many people in real life. You need to get out there. It's news to you because you just don't know that many people

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I lived having to do that with my H for 33 years & still do while dealing with things regarding the divorce I'm getting......sometimes it never did sink in & I would get these looks like I was the one speaking in a foreign language. It wasn't until just this last year that I read all the information on ASD I could get my hands onto.....& am sure that is what I was/am dealing with in him. It's taken me a long while to learn that I don't have to do that with most people. One tends to get in a habit after so long of dealing with people like that on a continuous basis.

True. I am 49. Have been doing same thing since college. I love my job and my kids more than anything but you certainly do develop a habit dealing with them all day every day! Some things Sadix keeps saying reminds me of my ASD and EI students who just get fixated on something perceived and not real

I myself get preoccupied with things and ideas and I do sympathize but I wish he listened!!!!!


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This is a gentle reminder that PC is a "support" site and all posting must be kept in that realm. While we sometimes may become frustrated with the issues at hand, if we are going to continue to post to a member, it must not be in an unsupportive way. If you feel you cannot add anything to this thread in a supportive manner, please refrain from posting.

To the OP, it can be very difficult to learn to think "outside the box". It takes practice, time and patience with yourself. I think the best way to do this is to take small steps at a time. Maybe you can work on changing your line of thinking that society as a whole should dictate to you who you should be dating. Open your thoughts up to the possibility that society in general doesn't care about who you date as long as there is nothing illegal about the age difference. That's one place to start.

Maybe you have been brought up in a very specific way regarding societies ideals and having to live by what you perceive to be societies standards. That can be a very narrow way of thinking and not helpful to living your life on your terms, again, providing it is within the law (meaning underage girls).

If you wish to change how you think about this subject, you have to make the step(s) towards making that change. It's not all or nothing but it's a process in which you work towards opening your mind up to different possibilities.

I wish you well!

Very well said, Sabby.

So I'm sure a lot of you have heard of the dating site "Plenty Of Fish". Well recently, I found out that a while back they put in place age restrictions on who members can contact. Apparently you cannot contact anyone more than 14 years younger or older than you, and if you are 30+, you can't contact 18-21 year olds. The founder of the website claimed that the purpose of this is that POF is meant to be a website for finding "relationships" and he apparently thinks that the majority of messages sent that between people outside this age range "are all about hookups".

This is the kind of ignorance that prevails in our society. If a dating site had placed restrictions like this on same sex couples, there would be public outrage and calls for a boycott. But most people see these age restrictions as reasonable and have no problem with it. Because most people are ignorant and blindly follow society's established rules without question.

Here is where I got the story: POF - New Age Limit - The Blackdragon Blog

Try a different dating service. There are dozens I am sure. Obviously POF isn't the right fit for you.

I'm not actually on POF, and I'm not into online dating. I just came across this story online.

Dating site can put whatever restrictions on whatever they want. If someone isn't interested in that kind of service so they wouldn't use their site. They would use a different one.

Plenty of fish is known for hookups and people complain of it as a hookup service rather than dating so owners are trying something different to improve . Not a big deal.

Why would it cause outrage of homosexuals were not accepting on some sites? There are plenty of sites that don't have options "woman seeking woman " etc so what?
They use different sites and I have not hear any uproars.

You make your judgment about the world from what you heard Someone said or what you read or what you perceive. You could try to form opinions by actually experiencing things first hand. Maybe meeting women on dating sites is not a bad idea or asking them out in real life


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The founder of POF is not a representative of society. It's simply his website and so it's his rules.

It's still all about free will, here.
If you feel that you are pressured by society to date a certain age-group, then I suggest you stage a revolution.
I understand your need to vent and rail against perceived injustices, but actions really do speak louder than words. (Plus you will gain a tremendous amount of self-respect).

ETA: I really am hoping that you come here to report that you are dating a (legal-age) woman and you don't give a flying **** what anybody says about her. It would be a great step for you

What the owner/administrator of POF does is their perogative. It is not reflective of the community at large; in fact, there are likely a lot of searches in that age range if the owner/admin decided to take it out.

And you know, with your obsession with age and age differences, it might actually be useful for you to use online dating sites. Because then, any female who responds to you will already know exactly your age - and if they contact or respond to you then clearly your age doesn't matter to them.

Sorry, but I'm not buying it. I say he is representative of society, and the internet is flooded with people expressing similar views. Just check out this article: When Older Guys Lust After Young Women -

I found that a long time ago. The article is written by a male feminist and he basically says shamelessly that he thinks it is wrong for men to pursue younger women, in particular women under 25, yet in another article he has the gall to admit that he does not have such a problem with it when it is older women dating younger men or homosexuals dating younger people of the same sex. He says something about a "power dynamic" that only exists when it is an older man and a younger woman specifically. Oh, and in case you are wondering, here is how he defines an older man and a younger woman:

"A true story about the way younger women really see “older men” (and if you’re attracted to 18- to 24-year-olds, you count as “older” if you’re on the high side of 30)."

But what is most disgusting is not the article, but the hordes of women in the comments section backing him up with their own hateful rhetoric. When I first found this article I took it upon myself to join the fight and stand up to these bigots. Eventually I stopped going back because their comments would trigger me. It is clear from reading those comments that our society suffers from a sickness that will spread as long as this hateful propaganda is so readily accepted in the mainstream.

This is a comment that someone posted in reply to another comment where a woman was talking about how she recently broke it off with her 31 year old boyfriend who was "a bit younger than her but not by a lot" and how he got over it and just started dating a 19 year old girl:

"…he’s obviously a complete freak/psycho. i think you dodged a bullet there. i just feel sorry for the poor girl he’s predating on :S"

This is pure hatred. And this is rampant. I don't even feel safe in this society.

Okay, so you have made your point , over and over , you feel society is against your dating a woman of a certain age, Then dont date them, Date someone older... if you do not find anyone that you want to date or you can't feel any attraction to , well then , Find a new hobby that can keep your mind busy so your not over thinking what you feel society is forcing on you.

I hate to see you stuck in this loop of re-enforcing what you think society thinks about the whole age deal ... FYI I was 19 years old and dated a 32 year old , nothing wrong with it. No one cared , no one did , people have there own life to manage and don't have time to care who is dating who and there ages. As long as the woman is over 18 she can decide who she wants to date. She doesn't care about an age.... Shes looking for a man that will respect her and treats her well.

I'm not being mean , honest I am not. But if you insist on walking yourself into a corner and being stuck , well then your choosing to be stuck and I am assuming your very unhappy about it. Your choice tho.

I hope you find some happiness.

so if you think you shouldn't be dating because others think it is wrong and it means so much to you, then I guess don't date?

I tried to help. Nothing works.

do not know what else to suggest except "don't date then". I should be done with this thread

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Look, if you want to find something on the internet you can. Every single possible belief/philosophy can be found on here with tons of people supporting it.

You can find racist comments all over the place - it doesn't mean that society at large thinks that racism is great. You can find loads of pro-anorexia sites with people supporting it - it doesn't mean that society at large supports it. Etc, etc, etc.

So if you want to keep reinforcing your beliefs go ahead. But what are you wanting to get from this thread? You don't want suggestions, and you don't want people supporting your desires. What on earth do you want? For us to tell you that we think you're horrible when we don't? To confirm your misguided beliefs and help you reinforce your black and white thinking patterns?

There is an easy solution if you find a problem with wanting to date women in their 20s. Don't go to places where primarily younger people congregate, and don't ask someone out if they look "too young" to you. Or use an online dating site. Or don't date.

As it is, you're just stopping yourself from dating because you are worried about what others think. The only people it matters to is you and the person you're dating.

I am still wondering what the root of the problem is.

I feel as if you are searching for anecdotal evidence to vindicate your social awkwardness but I don't know why you have this compulsion. It seems to be a driving force for you here...

I could find tons of "proof" online that would excuse my own failings and then use that as a reason for not improving. But that would not help me get better. It would simply make me delusional.

Make sense?

That's just not how it works. I am attracted to whoever I am attracted to and I can't help it. Btw the girl at the gym is 18-19 I am pretty sure. She actually looks like she could be 16, but based on a conversation I heard I know she's in college. I am attracted to college aged girls. That is just how it is. Trust me when I say that the only reservation I have about getting involved with a girl that young is based on how she and others would judge me. If this stigma did not exist in our society, I would not hesitate to date an 18-19 year old. I honestly see NOTHING immoral about it whatsoever.

But I'll tell you what IS immoral. Women who spent their younger years enjoying the attention and company of all kinds of young attractive guys telling guys like me that WE shouldn't be getting involved with younger women despite the fact that we DID NOT have those same experiences they had when we were younger. Now THAT'S despicable.

Honestly I'm just venting. I am angry. I hate that people insist on making me feel like I am some sort of freak for being who I am. Especially when it is THEY who did not allow me those social opportunities when I was younger. By promoting these ideas, society instills a feeling of shame in men who approach younger women. This hinders our ability to approach young women with confidence. And not to mention the fact that these young women are also being socialized to look at us as creeps, so even if we could approach them confidently, we would probably get nowhere unless they happen to be attracted to our looks. Honestly I kinda hope one of those intolerant bigots would post a reply right now so I could demolish them. But of course they always avoid discussions where their prejudice will be discussed rationally.

There is nothing immoral in you approaching college age girls. And no one cares who you date (outside of your family). And plenty of younger women like to date guys your age. So I hope you have thAt appointment with a therapist and get helpful advice how to start dating

What hinders your ability to approach girls with confidence is your own social and emotional difficulties and low self esteem not perceived prejudice. There is none

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***** Honestly I kinda hope one of those intolerant bigots would post a reply right now so I could demolish them****

This ^^^ You have extreme hostility towards unknown people, You keep saying society, society society. Please notice that you have yet to get a reply from anyone here saying...OH NO you can not date a younger woman..

Can you offer a link to a legitimate study to back up all your ranting at "society" and what they are supposed to making such strict "rules or laws or whatever" . Can you do that? A LEGIT study, not some silly off the wall un-checked facts ramblings nonsense.

Because if there is a study and it is true I suppose my 23 year old daughter need to make sure she stops dating a fellow your age.

Thanks

Not every girl will find it odd you want to talk to her just because you find her attractive. Just give it a shot. You don't always need a reason to talk to someone.

For example, my boyfriend actually started talking to me because he said he thought I looked like an angel. It was only until later we began to find real interesting things to talk about which I think can be good upon trying to talk to someone new.

You never know if someone will find you awkward or creepy, also it could just be a thing you're overly anxious about and in reality you're not coming off as awkward or creepy to the person you're talking to. Just don't think about how your negative feelings but more about "hey this person who I'm really interested in is actually talking to me, sweet".

So, the one part of your post "But I'll tell you what IS immoral. Women who spent their younger years enjoying the attention and company of all kinds of young attractive guys telling guys like me that WE shouldn't be getting involved with younger women despite the fact that we DID NOT have those same experiences they had when we were younger. Now THAT'S despicable." is wrong and confusing.

You seem to be saying that women, when they were young, dated young guys. but that YOU weren't one of those guys and were told not to date those young girls. I think you've mixed something up in that.

Don't call others despicable because of your lack of experience. Random chance and your own decisions are what dictates your lack of experience - not anyone else.

I've only had a handful of relationships. Most quite short. Two long distance. Only one was when I was 18, none before that. When I was 20, yes, I felt inadequate. But at the same time, I wouldn't blame anyone even if I did have my negative perceptions (namely that I believed I was hideous, annoying, and pathetic) - I knew those were my perceptions, and that the reason why I wasn't in a relationship had more to do with random chance and my own inhibitions.

Again - you're the only person stopping yourself from having a relationship.

You are not a mind-control device, and you're not a telepath. You can't tell what everyone is thinking about you, even if they were to turn you down.

Good post. I blame much of my relationship issue on my family dynamics ( attracted to unhealthy men just like my family of origin) but I don't blame society at large. I only now started to look into these issues but I do wish I looked into it when I was Young!

I was laughing a bit about these women enjoying young attractive guys. I didn't understand what's immoral about it and who are these women who telling you are referring to. That's not their fault you are not dating.

I personally was married at 20, so didn't spend my young years enjoying much, lol life was tough, both in college and working and a kid etc

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