[Yismymindblank12]

I told this girl who I thought was exactly like me and knew that something would happen told her straight of what I know. I wanted to finally be done with it and say it. Be free from this isolation and find closure. For once. I can't say what I feel, is it normal for something possibly once going right are you supposed to feel something or numb like I am in shock in like a good way.

There is a huge chance I am afraid she will desert me, for something stupid, but I am fighting it and doing all my best to be around her and prove I'm being for real. I want her to know and believe from my actions. I'm hear for her, and I will let go everything like I am now if she is here for me. Even if it doesn't work out this is the biggest milestone my life can offer emotionally. I want her to be my for real best friend. I am praying now like crazy. This is like something I don't do, I just want her to be in the know of my intent and feel I am alive doing all I can to be there for her.

Is this what a true friendship is going to start out? I mean I don't know what am I doing wrong or right. I felt she was very intrigued and she blatantly told me how much bs I had on me when I said something. I felt admired she took the time to tell me this. Is this for real? Someone tell me something. I hope I'm not going crazy.

[Yismymindblank12]

I'm in a state of pure panic. I'm afraid and vulnerable. I wonder if she is too. I hope we can grow. I hope this is real and I'm never been so sad now in my life. It feels so scary now, but I know I'm ready to go through this. I just want to know if I did this right and if she sounds like she isn't going to hurt me. She is like me a bit more healed, and has lots of backbone very tough personality. Someone who can kick someones' *** badly and she's very pretty and dresses out of the norm and is someone I find fondly a person I want to be around. She was happy she told me this, but thought some things I said before were bs. About some paranormal stuff, because she has that stuff too and doesn't believe me. I told her what I felt was in my heart the best response as in what was going on at the time. I told her there was similarities and that yeah even though I was high and said things weird doesn't make me a bad person.

I am truly afraid she might take everything the wrong way and end up being very negative than intended to, because it might be a power struggle between us. Which I'm afraid of happening, which hasn't happened or even though I'm fighting my anger to hold back on somethings, because she is right and I accepted how she is. I hope she can do the same for me when the time comes. I am afraid she will push me away and be too hard on me.

I am afraid she will be very difficult on me, because how she was treated as well. I am doing my best to reassure her I'm not here to tell her what she wants to hear and I'm not going to tell her any embellishments.

I'm glad we are on the same page of not ****ing around with games and honesty this made me happy unbelievably for once. I'm scared, I'm damn scared, I feel she is too maybe, but I don't know for sure how vulnerable she maybe.

I hope one day that this will truly show it's colors and we'd be inseparable. I truly am fighting everything I hold dear to myself and my own beliefs I felt personal and held on for the past 20 years. I feel that I need change, but I'm not sure if she is the right person for me.

Please help. I'm diving into a friendship that I'm not sure if I have the emotional stability to handle even with my recent ****. I'm not going to mess this up at all of course, but I'm afraid she'll only focus on what I need to do to for her and not me regardless me telling her she needs to shut up and listen to me.

I will not talk a lot, or about my problems. I will only talk about it when I need her to. I will only do this when I need to feel like I'm real from my psychosis stuff, feeling validated and feel like I'm a human being that's real. Also feel like she cares about me, and feel that I'm not losing my mind and keeping me grounded. I want to do the same for her and be everything she needs and wants.

I'm saying this, because never in my heart I went out of my *** so hard to show something I've needed. I hope she accepts me, like this is so scary. I hope she doesn't take this the wrong way and assume I'm pushing her away and I will do everything to hold my urges back to push her away and the fearful thoughts and worries I have in my head out of impulsive reaction.

I hope she'll realize I needed this. I need her to see when I said, I love how you told me you are going to be harsh and blunt and when she said to me, how she needed the respect she needed. It gave me even more understanding how we are exactly alike in our emotional state and that I need her in my life, as a friend, to heal me and I'll heal her no problem. I'm scared and the fact she is here keeps me warm and sane at night. I hope I do the same. I hope I'm not doing this and she's not convinced and it's beyond scary. I hope she knows my true feelings of fear of this. That even though it may take a long time for her to trust people. I'm no different I told her it may take her years for me not to worry anymore, but I'll still be on my toes of myself for her.

I need this type of relationship, mainly because of I never had it before and I needed it if it works out right and that I know when my mother dies and father and my dog. I'll probably end up killing myself, if I don't have this. I am afraid of telling her that ever, I don't want to put pressure on her. I'm not saying that because I am suicidal currently or make her feel like without her I'll kill myself. I dont' care if she is dating or married to someone else and moved all the way across the world or another planet. Just tell me you love me as your only friend who knows you as much as me and tell me I'm ok that I will be fine and that I'm always going to be with you no matter who or what comes into between us. I need that. I need it, I need it. I need it, because you don't know how bad I need it.

Self help only got me so far, and motivation to hopefully find this has gotten me so accomplished and I need it. I'm crying now hard because I need to feel safe. I don't know if I'm too worried about my own issues too be healthy enough for this or that this is normal for people like me.

I'm beyond damaged and I'm beyond scared and I'm beyond the point of trusting anyone. If I have her successfully to have me give in for once and for all to drop this baggage and let me be free on my own accord.

I can't tell you how much I would love her as a human. She saved my life, and for that. Even if I am married or whatever with someone else. She would be my only love in my life, not in a romantic way, but a beautiful happy accident of something I've only dreamed and needed all my life.

I cannot die until I have this peace of mind. The scars of my past have haunted me and she shares her own too. I will never tell her that she is not good enough on her answers of what she's trying to project of things that concern her own well being, because I'm her boat too.

This could be a blessing or the end of my life as I know it... Like in dreams I've predicted. I won't make it happen, or am I crazy. I don't know. This has caused me so much confusion. I felt a nerve was badly triggered and I'm scared, not sure if she is here to push it around for her own like everyone else only or is she really trying to heal me.

I lost so much and she did too. I'm just confused probably if not more than she is. I'm glad and beyond estatic it's going somewhere now. This took a hell of a lot of strength internally to say any of this to her. And I hope she is grateful of that.

What do you think?