How do I deal with a constantly negative friend? Every time we talk, it is usually about how much her life sucks and I have trouble changing the subject. And she is very irrational. Just can't take anymore and don't know what to do other than possibly distance myself from her a bit. I am not sure if she is actually depressed like she says she is or if it is just attention because she is really only like this when she does not get her way or if she realizes she did something stupid so I kind of feel like it is not exactly depression but not sure though. She also has temper problems too. Just confused and need help. Not sure if I should continue with her or just distance myself a little bit. Not completely cut her off, but just kind of back away a little.

[AngstyLady]

Hmm, that's a tough call. It seems like she may be vying for attention- I've had friends like that- like coming up with ways to get people to feel sorry for them- the red flag is that you said she's only like this when she doesn't get her way and that she has temper issues. Doesn't sound like depression- maybe another personality disorder altogether.

[hvert]

I think AngstyLady is onto something with her suggestion -- do you think your friend is a bit narcissistic?

I would not feel bad about distancing yourself from this friend. If she only talks about herself, that's pretty selfish. I have had friends like this also and have found that the only thing that really works for me is to end the friendship and find people to spend time with who are less draining. It has also made me much more aware of my own tendency to complain!

Originally Posted by hvert

I think AngstyLady is onto something with her suggestion -- do you think your friend is a bit narcissistic?

I would not feel bad about distancing yourself from this friend. If she only talks about herself, that's pretty selfish. I have had friends like this also and have found that the only thing that really works for me is to end the friendship and find people to spend time with who are less draining. It has also made me much more aware of my own tendency to complain!

She puts herself down a lot so I am not sure if it is narcississtic or not but I do agree she is selfish. Unless putting herself down for attention is part of narcississitic or not.

[brainhi]

Friendships are about give and take. But at times one of you might be more needy. What I learned to tell someone when I cannot not listen to it anymore - "What are you doing to make this better?" If they can talk about good things/actions we're on a better track if not - I usually let them go - sometimes they can be too emotionally draining.

Originally Posted by brainhi

Friendships are about give and take. But at times one of you might be more needy. What I learned to tell someone when I cannot not listen to it anymore - "What are you doing to make this better?" If they can talk about good things/actions we're on a better track if not - I usually let them go - sometimes they can be too emotionally draining.

I am going to do just that next time this person begins to complain to the point that it is draining. Which will probably be very soon since it is almost every day. If I am lucky, I can go a day or so without hearing her complain but that is rare. But yeah, I will do just that.

[MattBemis]

I know you care about her, but if it's draining you, you have to let her go, at least for now. Trust me, I understand how hard this, but you don't need somebody like that in your life. When you're working on yourself you come first and worrying about somebody else's issues is not your priority.