[canossa]

Hi

I'm a 28 year old male. I've been single for all of my life. It's a long story, but I'm quite introverted and never been able to date women... Anyhow, to make it short, I've always had these romantic images of how a life should be, that I should be together with someone who shares my interests; that for life to be acceptable, you have to share it with someone. I've got a lot of friends, some of them really close, but it's not the same.
My big problem is that I'm so short. 160 cm, it's always been the biggests problem in my life, very few women could accept to be with such a short guy. I'm not fat, probably normal of stature (54 kg).
Now I'm getting old, soon I'll be 30, and it feels like its getting too late. People in my age is getting married, and with no experience, I'm not good at talking to women in this way. I have some female friends, well I'm probably the typical "friend zone"-guy.
Now I'm getting bald, as things weren't bad enough. I'm thinking about shaving my head and getting some tattoos to "compensate".

Actually, the thing I would like to ask you about: I have to face the fact that I might have to be alone for the rest of my life. But how should I handle this? It make my life feel pointless, it drains me of all hope, all joy. I've been depressed because of this for almost 10 years. Ive been to 3 different therapists, I've tried medication (I'm on Venlafaxine right now). I've tried mindfulness, I meditate every day. I'm reading all sorts of self-help books and psychology, I'm quite conscious of how my thoughts work, how anxious I am in social situations (because of my loneliness, I'm very insecure). I'm doing exercise. I started to play guitar to improve my self-esteem, I play in bands.
But none of this can make life seem worth it. When I feel the worst, I take some drugs or alcohol and cut myself, it releases some of this tension. But I'm so sick of all this grief, of every day having to be a fight against hopelessness. I've been thinking about suicide for years, and now I'm beginning to feel I won't have any other choice.

I'm trying to write music, in order to find some value in life, but it hasnt worked, probably because I'm driven by such desperation. I can't feel true joy in anything, because my future is such a threat. Mindfulness is supposed to help against these thoughts, but so far it hasnt. Medication hasnt helped yet, neither has therapy. How will I be able to cope with life that feels so empty?

[ptangptang]

Heightism is one of the last unspoken prejudices. You are actually slightly taller than me. I'm now 58 and yes, it, amongst other things, has blighted my life. You say you are going bald at 28. Imagine being short AND going bald before you are 20. Looking back i had no chance with women. I deluded myself that i would eventually meet someone but that never happened and all the time it was eating away at my soul , my self esteem, my confidence and generally making me feel that life wasn't worth living. Short male syndrome ( doesn't really apply to short females) is so deeply entrenched in our psyche that even i look at short men and think they are in some way not as manly as a man of average height or taller. Life is so unfair isn't it. The only advice i can give is ti try and do everything you can to give yourself an edge. I think i am pretty intelligent and had my school and family experience been different i could easily have gone to university and got into a higher paying/status job and who knows with the increased self esteem and confidence maybe have found an enlightened woman who saw 'me' and not just how tall i was.
Shaven heads are more or less acceptable now so (if your head shape allows) do it but don't get loads of tattoos. Some women like them but a lot don't. Just to say that i empathise totally with you and how miserable it makes your life. Of course you don't get any sympathy cos people think it's ok to make fun of short men when it is not acceptable if he was black or gay or mentally ill. PM me if you want to talk further. And if people think this is a trivial thing then i would just say that i don't want a lonely old age reflecting on what could have been. I'm sure you know what i mean.

[kaliope]

hi Canossa
this sounds more like a self esteem issue than an issue of height. from the sounds ofyour post, it is obvious that your meds are not effective and you should try something different. it takes a lot of patience to find the right med. i changed meds every two months until we got it right. there are so many out there, i refused to stay on one that wasn't working, my doc wasn't thrilled but i wasn't going to waste my time waiting around when it obviously wasn't doing anything for me, the med that worked, worked within a couple weeks. and it turned my life around. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome