[jinxandtheeye]

I have 2 grown sons that are married and each have a daughter.
My youngest son and wife lived with us for over 3 years before my granddaughter was born. So that they could go to college and work, I retired from education 2 years early to help with the baby. They continued to live with us up until last May. My granddaughter is now 7. We have a very close bond. My dil was like a daughter to me. After the baby came, trouble between us came and went. I understood how she must have felt, so I never once allowed a problem, but spent a lot of time crying in the night. Looking back, I know that I was guilty of making a lot of mistakes. Mainly, stepping in or being intrusive when it was not the right time. I didn't do this on purpose, but it was new territory for us all. When they moved out, I thought that since we had been close like before and no problems for 4 years that our loving relationship would continue. All of a sudden I was an outcast. I didn't see my granddaughter at all for 3 straight months. (I then saw her a bit until April.) They live 3 miles down the road. My son informed me that she didn't want me to contact her because I had hurt her so bad. I swear I still don't know why. In April of last year, all of a sudden she texted me and asked if I wanted to pick her up from school and help her with homework 2 afternoons a week. I felt so thankful. Things continued to be nice until the beginning of this August. I haven't seen my granddaughter in a month. When I text to ask to see her, I get this "have plans".
I'm sorry if this is too long, but I don't know how to shorten it. My son and I used to be so close, but he does as she does. When this happened before, and I started seeing her some, I never mentioned anything to my granddaughter, but she would cry to me and tell me that she would beg to see me, but get punished, and that she would cry herself to sleep every night because she missed me so much. My question is, I am not showing my pain to the world, I have a life with friends and my other granddaughter, but I hurt so badly that I cry every night. Do I just love her too much, and my son too? Is there something wrong with me for feeling such gut-wrenching agony? Thank you for any help you can give.
PS. The other son, wife, and granddaughter is the opposite. I love them equally, but I grieve for my lost ones.

[lynn P.]

I very sorry you're in this unpredictable situation. Its sounds like your DIL controls what your son does - meaning if she's upset she thinks its okay to alienate you and that's wrong. Can you speak to your son privately and let him know, all you want is to see your grand daughter. Try to avoid placing blame but do say how you really miss the interaction and feel lost when this alienation occurs. As a last resort you could sue for grand parent visitation but this might cause more animosity and cost money. This is also damaging to their child - children get attached and don't understand why a loved one stops having contact. I wish you a peaceful resolution.

[chela2825]

omg! i was reading your story and i thought i was reading my painful story, im going thru the exact same thing. I havent seen my son and grand daughter since sept 22 2014 . i know exactly the hurtful pain you are feeling its whatever my dil days goes. they dont jnderstand their not only hurting me but their hurting my grand daughtrr too. i have my two other sons living wigh me too and my oldest son gf. my youngest son n my dil n baby lived here to before all hell broke loose, my oldest would pay my youngest to do stuff around the house so he askdd his brother to clean his car, well while cleaning hiz car hs found condoms instead oc going to his brogher and aski.g him about ghem he told his wife and she ran and told his gf, so his gf asks my oldest son about the condoms she told him my dil told her so hd goes to my youngest to tell him why didnt hd go to him instead of starting all this drama they had a verbal confrontation and thats would oc been the end but here comes my dil like a raging bull and punches my oldest i had him pinned and my other son hsd my youngest so they woyldnt fight but they ended up fighting and my dil and my sons gf were fighting well my dil told my son she didnt want to stsy herd anymore so they packed up whaf they could and left at 1 am. so they went back to her moms so a week passed after two weeks i called n txted wanring to go see my grand daughter thats when if was dxcuse after excuse finally my dil txt me and tell me were gonna have yhe bsby party and you can help financially, i didnt answer because i wanted to see my gx all this time. they got mad because they saix they left in tbe middle of the night with his dtr not knowing where yhey were gonna live so they blame me because i didnt throw my oldest sin ouf and his gf.its a mess after that its was sending back n forth txt messages i wasnt allowed to see my gd. my son wants me to appologize to his wife and i dont feel i owe her one but i told ok i dont have a probem i will apoligized for my gd sake he said no that wasnt a sincere apology. and we left it at that. my heart iz in so muhch pain i miss my princess so much. at least you have another grand child. my dil ruined my sons relationship and she ruin my relationship with my son. all i can do is give this situation to God. Thank you for hearing me ouf. God Bless.

[chela2825]

i read your story and i thought i was mine. i know exactly how your feeling, i see my lil grand daughters face in my head and i start crying, cause imiss her so much gonna be 2 months i havent seeb her.