[Cygnus8548]

A friend asked me if he should get rid of his partner because she does not sufficiently sympathize with him when his mental problems manifest themselves. What do you think?

Originally Posted by Cygnus8548

A friend asked me if he should get rid of his partner because she does not sufficiently sympathize with him when his mental problems manifest themselves. What do you think?

I think I wouldn't touch this question with the proverbial ten-foot pole! No good can come of answering a question like this. For one thing, you only have one side of the story. And, while this may be the way your friend was feeling when he asked the question, this does not mean he always feels this way. You also don't know what the circumstances are when his mental health problems manifest themselves. And you don't know how it is his mental health problems are manifesting presumably, because you're not always there. Also what if, in the heat of battle, your friend blurts out to his partner: "Well, I talked with (Cygnus) & s/he said I should dump you too!"

The only answer I can think of that might be appropriate would be: "Perhaps this is something you could talk over with your therapist" (or "a therapist" if he doesn't have one.) Anyway... my recommendation is to steer clear of this question!

[BobbyDavis]

I have to agree with the above poster. I think this is something you should stay out of and let the two of them work it out themselves and your friend was lousy putting you in this situation.

[hamster-bamster]

Cygnus,

You have gotten great advice on a general level. Let me add a specific mention of bipolar mania. I do not know what kind of mental problems your friend is alluding to, and I am not sure you yourself know, so we do not know the diagnosis of your friend, but ... how would I put it without assuming too much... so let us put it this way: your friend's behavior is not inconsistent with the manic phase of the bipolar illness. People have been known to dump their partners while in mania only to regret it deeply after the manic phase passed. Some were taken back by their partners and for others it was a big lesson and an irrecoverable loss. The way your friend asked you that question sounds extremely impulsive. I almost can picture him flipping a coin to do what the coin says if you do not tell him what to do. So if you are close enough, I would gently tell him that you are concerned because his behavior seems impulsive and is out of character for him (if that is true, indeed).

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Cygnus

As mentioned the advice is good.

It's so hard for those who care for us to truly empathize- it's a complex disorder to understand. Hey even I get confused with myself sometimes.

But I'm learning.

[hvert]

Does your friend sympathize with his partner for having to deal with his mental problems as well?

I agree with everyone else that it is a bad idea to give him a straight up opinion about what he should do. You might be able to talk it through with him by asking questions that help him think and let him work out his answers.

I would tell him , that is not for me to decided that is something you have to make and whatever you decided I support you as a friend .

[brainhi]

If my friend truly does not see a future or feel love for this person or hope for the future - I would tell my friend to leave because neither side should be held hostage to a relationship. I would not want someone to hold on to me with those thoughts...
on the other hand if the relationship is clearly not healthy your friend should leave for their own sake.

[Cygnus8548]

Thanks to you and all the senior members for the really terrific replies. I will discuss this with my friend and tell him to see a therapist.
Thanks, you guys really know stuff