[VicVicVictoria]

This guy really has me stumped. Brief background, I'm 32, he's 33. Neither one of us have been married. My previous relationship lasted 4 years and we were engaged to be married. I broke it off because we weren't in love, and started my life over which included the completion of my Master's degree. I'm very independent and in no way do I feel desperate for love. I joined a dating site after I graduated because I thought now that I have more time it would be fun to start meeting people.

So I met him about 6 weeks ago on the dating site. He seemed very down to earth so I messaged him. He wanted to take the conversation off of the dating site right away, and we started chatting on FB and then over the phone. We went on our first date and I could tell he was just as nervous if not more nervous than I was and it made me uncomfortable.

I tired to put him in the friend zone after that, but he very sweetly insisted that I not close the door on him and give him another shot. Our second date was much more casual and comfortable, we really hit it off. We only hung out another couple of times before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I agreed, but it felt a little fast to me, in fact, at this time, he also told me he was in love with me. This was about a month into dating. Everything seemed ok, moving a little fast but ok, until the "in love" thing. To me, that felt like a red flag.

I believe he is sincere. In fact, he is extremely romantic. (Almost over the top, make me sick to my stomach romantic.) I've always dating men who I felt didn't appreciate me, so this guy with all his attention and thoughtful gestures makes me feel like a million bucks. (And I certainly feel I deserve such respect and kindness.) I find him to be very attractive too, which is just a bonus. The main problem is, he is acting a little obsessed. He does nice things but then tells me about all the pre-meditated thinking that went into each decision. He is smart and funny, and pretty deep too, but he is extremely emotional. He's already teared up twice in front of me this week, supposedly with tears of joy.

He also seems a little fixated on the sex. It's refreshing to have an open conversation about it, but he brings it up a little too often, and to me it feels like he gives the subject a little too much mental energy. (I get he's a guy, but… this feels unusual.) I like him a lot, but it feels like he is obsessed with me, and that freaks me out. He tells me about how his thoughts are dominated by me during work and that I "do things to his body" just by the thought of me. At first I thought he was feeding me lines but I'm starting to see that maybe he has a fixated personality. He did casually mention that he had gone to the doctor about possible OCD or Bi-Polar years ago. These comments didn't phase me because I have mental illness in my family so I do not judge or label people by it. But now I do feel that is is acting very obsessed and compulsive over this relationship.

I'm really just not sure how to deal with it. Am I crazy for not feeling so excited by a sweet guy who is really into me? I want to be excited, I'm certainly into him, but there is just something about how he acts that is sitting uneasy with me. I don't know, do you think he's just acting like a fool in love? So confused.

[Crazy Hitch]

That's a bit tricky. Seems to me like he's moving really quickly. He's also being extremely open and upfront with you, and perhaps to say, at times, a little too upfront. Sometimes there's a fine line between thinking about something and actually saying it. Yeah I get that men think about things probably a little more often than women but the thoughts don't always need to be verbalised. I'm not picking up a sense that you've discussed this much in detail with him. Maybe you could try be honest with him about how you're feeling right now. Not sure. Because I don't know how he will take it. But right now you two aren't in the same place with this relationship. And perhaps he may not be aware of the magniture of that.

[hamster-bamster]

I think you should put a buffer of gentle teasing between you and him, to feel safe, and then wait it out to see what happens.

E.g.

- he says that you do things to his body when he simply thinks of you.

You can acknowledge it but stop there.

E.g. "it is nice to hear that". "Oh, is that so?" (a little Southern ), "mmm", or, pat him on his head lightly, as if he were a child. Or, "you are so sweet" and change the topic of the conversation. "Aaah... when is the concert tonight?"

You are not rejecting him; you are not telling him to back off; but, you are not overly enthusiastic, either. Just a notch above neutral towards positive, but not more than that. There are a lot of phrases and gestures that can accomplish this.

Once this buffer is in place, you can spend many months watching the situation unfold and quietly deciding what to do.

[Chillly]

Sounds like he's infatuated with you. His infatuation will fade over time. He sees you as the object of his love and you are perfect in his eyes right now. You will not live up to being perfect as you are not perfect. He will recognize that and the dynamic of the relationship will change. You may find real love with this man or not. Give him a chance. It's not gonna hurt anything is it?

[BobbyDavis]

You sound like you are in the same situation my sister was in with my brother-in-law when they first started going out and he was always doing romantic over the top gestures for her until she talked to him about it and got him to tone it down a little and I think you should do the same thing. They have been together for over 15 years now and she is 38 (although, she is always changing her age which I am guilty of doing too ) and he still does some romantic things for her and is infatuated with her and so he should be because my sister is an amazing woman and he is lucky to be married to her.

[hvert]

I think you just aren't that into him. I would just break it off, personally. Sometimes people seem great on paper and are really into us, but the chemistry just isn't there. If you are having doubts just six weeks in, don't over think it, just tell him it's not working.

[toolman65]

do you feel energized or exhausted?

excited or anxious?

stimulated or smothered?

You talk about all the things he does, but not much about who he is.

What brought him to that dating site? What is his history with women?

When you use terms like "red flag" "uneasy" "very obsessed and compulsive" in your initial post that tells me that you are having serious doubts about this whole thing.

Six weeks in .

What does your gut feeling say?

If you had a girlfriend who came to you with this story, what would you say?

I'm a guy, btw, and i can tell you, this dude has all the makings of a clinger.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

He will show his true colours in time be they good/bad - are you in some sort of hurry?

[Bill3]

We only hung out another couple of times before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I agreed, but it felt a little fast to me, in fact, at this time, he also told me he was in love with me. This was about a month into dating. Everything seemed ok, moving a little fast but ok, until the "in love" thing. To me, that felt like a red flag.

Feels like that to me too. I always worry about guys who want to rush things, that is a sign of a potential abuser.

He's already teared up twice in front of me this week, supposedly with tears of joy.

Supposedly.

It sounds like you don't trust him.

I want to be excited,

But you're not.

it feels like he is obsessed with me, and that freaks me out.

Another potential sign of an abuser, and another sign of your unease.

I have mental illness in my family so I do not judge or label people by it. But now I do feel that is is acting very obsessed and compulsive over this relationship.

It isn't judging or labeling people if your assessment of their actual behavior is that it makes you uneasy.

I'm certainly into him, but there is just something about how he acts that is sitting uneasy with me.

Your gut feeling, as mentioned by toolman, seems to be considerable unease.

Gut feelings deserve high respect and full attention.