[kala83]

omg why oh why do I always feel worse around this time of year.

I end up crying and freaking out over things so much more around this time of year.
And yet if I am lucky every few days or so I can get to points where I feel better about things and will feel happy but it dosn't last for that long.

My boyfriend and I have lived separtely for a while now.....and he at times acts more like a single man now then before...and yet everyonce in a while he will turn around and talk to me about more serious conversations about getting married and having kids talks we have had before in the past.....but now he seems to be discussing them more seriously.

but of course things in life are so not that simple, I want lol and dare I say need to move out of my mothers house...just cause if I did not live at home I know my mental health would be a lot better.
but due to I am doing intensive trauma based theapy.....lately doing things.....to help myself...is a lot more difficult then it was before.

I went from having a job to now not having a job....cause dealing trying to have a job while doing the therapy I am was just too much of a challenge. I am in the process of trying to apply for medicare, and disability...and I am also trying to seek out part time work again...so that i can be able to have at least some form of income at all.

But I am also dealing with all of my mental health problems, and sensitivity to omg everything.

I have also been feeling more depression due to 31st birthday is coming up on the 19th of this month...and the closer I get to my birthday the more I just feel reminded of how poorly my life appears and feels to be going for me in my life.
lol I swear at this point even if it is folding to my agoraphobia maybe I just will barricade myself inside my house until the end of the holidays.

I know all of this stuff will sort it self out in time but I feel more reminded of this stuff more so then usually lately and I am starting to just get pissed the hell off by it.

I think before you even talk about marriage with your b/f it sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on in your life .
Do you think the therapy is working ?
Are you on any meds ?

Is it just christmas that gets you upset or is this something that has been going on ?

[kala83]

I feel like the therapy is working....but the trauma therapy is harder for me to deal with....and its going slower then other things I have done before.

I do want to look at getting married but yes I do agree there is a lot that need to happen and change before we do do this...and I think this is partly why things are escilting to the point we are its bring up topics that are not easy to discuss for either one of us...but it does need to be brought up.... its hard to deal with cause these kind of talks have come up before and we are actually a lot better about disscussing this.... then how we have before.

I feel like the holidays are playing a part.... I am on meds...but I am going through some changes in them also just cause since I have less money right now I am thinking of changing some things...since the last time I picked up meds it was nearly $200

I really have no idea ...as to why some of these things are making my life so hard...I just know that...I feel really stressed out and depressed and I don't wanna be like this..

I am struggling with a lot of things and I just am getting upset by all this stuff in my life.