[CrazyGirl6371]

So, lately, I've decided I don't want a relationship...at all. I'm just not ready for it, I suppose. The idea of entering another relationship makes me really nervous. Because I know I'll ruin it. And I don't want to do that, and I don't want things to be complicated...
I did what is possibly a very stupid thing, lately. You see, I wanted to get rid of all of my regrets; I thought it would help. So... There was a guy when I was much younger who I really cared about. In my honest opinion, even though we never dated, he was the first boy I ever loved. Then, I have another one; we broke-up. Then, another one. Now, a current one. Well, I decided it would be a good idea to get in touch and be friends with all of them. I already am in contact with two of them. So, I got a Facebook, just to find this one guy.
And it worked.
I am, now, in contact with every man I have ever loved. And I hung out with one of them - the one I never dated - yesterday. The day before yesterday, we talked on the phone for hours. Then, we hung out. And he was very nice and respectful of me. The problem is, I still love the last guy, even though I know that's pretty much not going to work out.
But, yesterday, the guy I got back in touch with asked if he could kiss me. I'm not going to lie; I kind of blew him off and was like "What?". And he laughed and didn't ask the question, again. He did tell me later that I never answered the question - could have been that one or when he asked what I was thinking. I'm pretty sure it was about the kissing. And I told him that, maybe, I'm not sure what my answer is, yet...
I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. Especially not when I love this other guy. But this guy I'm back to talking to, now, is so great. He's sweet and mature and I'd not talked to him in - at least - five years or so... But we're talking, now. In all fairness, he was a bit drunk. And I'd rather him want to kiss me when he's sober. Been there, done that. I'd say I wouldn't want to do it, again, but if my current love kissed me when he was drunk, again, I'd be all for it.
I know we were best friends, but we still have a lot of catching up to do. And he's great, really. I just don't know. I'm afraid of relationships. He knows about all of my issues, and he understands - or acts like he wants to, anyway.
Did I make a mistake, getting back in contact with him?

[jelly-bean]

I think the only mistake you are making is in trying to hold on to a relationship that isn't even there any more. You say you have a great guy there so let go of what was and hang on to what is.

[Bill3]

What if you continue to enjoy being with the new/old guy and allow yourself some time to figure out what you want? You don't have to decide things right now.

[~Christina]

If your not happy with your current love, well then end the relationship..

Do all these fellows know about each other ?

[CrazyGirl6371]

Well, they've heard about one another, I'm sure. But I'm not with any of them.
Guy #1: Cody. We were best friends many years ago. We never dated, even though we liked one another. We lost touch, but we're back in touch, now, and it's so surreal.
Guy #2: Matt. Matt and I dated for two years and four months; it was a mutual break-up, but still difficult, because we went through so much together. He taught me to be strong.
Guy #3: Raymond. He is my ex-fiancee. We're still friendly, even though I broke-up with him. He still loves me and wants to be with me.
Guy #4: Chris. We had some romantic moments, and I love him, even though I know he doesn't love me... He just wants to be single and screw around, and I recognize that. He is my best friend.

So, I'm not with any of them. I care very much about all of them, though. I'm not in a relationship with any of these guys. My idea was to get rid of my regrets and get in touch with people who love(d) me. I did regret losing touch with who I considered my first love. And my exes are usually my best friends. And I wanted that back. It's good to have perspective, for me. My ex-boyfriend and I are talking, honestly, about things that happened in the relationship. And I'm thanking him for making me strong, which is something I've wanted to do for quite a while. My First Love Guy and I actually hung out for quite a while the day before yesterday. My other friends are still present. I have two best friends (One of which I love...), now, an ex-boyfriend who I'm getting along with, and a man who was my first love. So, I've surrounded myself with people I loved, and I think it's a good thing, even though it sounds pretty complicated... Because it kind of is. :/ But, hopefully, it's worth it.

[Bill3]

I like how this is your plan and you are figuring things out for yourself.

[CrazyGirl6371]

Thanks, Bill3. It's turning out to be very interesting, thus far. Matt and I talked for a while about things that went on in the relationship, and it's been really good to actually get it out there and settled.