She was with another. Can I ever move on?

Hey everyone.
I will lay my situation out real quick in point form.Please note, that any of my gf's communications and actions with the other guy were unknown to me until a few days ago.
My gf and I got together 1.5 years ago. Things were great until about 6 months ago.
At that point I started getting really busy with law school and neglected her.
During that time, for some stupid reason, I was sexting another girl (someone who I had never met up with, or did anything physically with).
My gf forgave me for it and we moved on.
This August (2014), we went on a vacation and it was sort of rocky because she said I was still being distant.
Fast forward to September, she tells me she needs more attention and affection. So we have a good chat. I tell her about some past abuse issues and death of loves ones which cause me to put up walls and not fully put myself out there for someone. But that I wanted us to work on that.
The first weekend of October we broke up for two days because of a fight. That weekend she went to a party, met a guy and they kissed.
The following day her and I got back together.
My gf and that guy kept chatting via text, Facebook and snapchat (I didn't know about it).
For the whole month of October she lied to me a few times and said she couldn't see me because of work. But it was so she could hang out in a group setting with him and other friends. She took him coffee to work and hid that from me as well.
November 6th, I thought things were going a bit better. Then we had a little argument, nothing major. And she said she couldn't do it anymore. She was crying and said she couldn't do it anymore. She left my place and said we couldn't be together.
The next day she agreed to meet with me for a few moments so I could drop off my journal that explained how I fully felt. It said how I was sorry for the past, that I only want a future with her. And it explained why I am distant and have trouble becoming attached. But I made it clear that I would do anything to work on that.
So, after dropping that off I left. I met up with my gf's mother for a coffee where I cried to her about how sad I was and that I wanted her back.
That same day my gf (although ex of 2 days) was continuing to message that guy. She had a small party at her house and invited him. They all went to the bar and him and her were making out. Just the two of them went back to her place and she gave him a blowjob. She claims she was extremely intoxicated and doesn't fully remember, but does remember doing it.
The following morning after that guy left her place, she texted me and said she needed to see me. I came over and she said she wanted me back and that she was sorry for breaking up with me. At that very moment she said she had something to tell me. She told me she was chatting with some guy and that he wanted to hangout with her along. She said she refused him and there was nothing more to the story.
So, her and I continue on with our relationship for 3 weeks and I am 100% in love, completely happy. Then, I get an anonymous message that says "she isn't telling you the whole truth." I call her out on it, she gets really nervous and says "I gave Brad a blowjob."
I was so hurt and shocked that I left. We talked the next day and I said I still wanted to be with her. But I was hurt, and I thought there was more to the story. So a few days go by and I tell her that I have to contact him to find out the whole story. Thats when she says ok....and proceeds to tell me about the previous 6 weeks (which I outlined above).
She tells me it was all a mistake. That she never wanted to be with him that night. She says she kept chatting with him because he was filling an emotional void that was between us. And she says that she didn't want the blowjob to happen. It was just a combination of her being drunk, vulnerable and still upset about me. And she expects me to just move on.
We have been to two counselling sessions so far. But, I can't shake it out of my mind. Every time I see her, each time she tries to kiss me, I picture her kissing him or her giving him a blowjob.
At this very moment she is laying on my bed and seems relatively content. I am an emotional wreck.
Can I get over this? Why would she listen to my deepest stories, know my full past and how I feel, then get in bed with him the same night? Why would she kiss him, then be with me for the next 6 weeks only to break up with me one night, only to call me back after she spent a night with him?

Background info:
I am 32, divorced with a good job and am in law school.
She is 23, mediocre job and I am her first boyfriend.
Despite the age difference I am completely in love with her and want to make this work. I just don't know how to get this sick, disgusting feeling out of my heart and mind each time I think about it.

Continue therapy, possibly take some individual therapy yourself. If you cant get over it than you probably need to let her go and you both need to move on.
I have had this same issue in a relationship before, stuck it out for years to not ever get over it. It festered inside of me and caused more and more anger towards my ex g/f and the situation. It was not healthy and our break up was a horrible one. It was a very unpleasant situation. If I could go back I would have left as soon as I found out because I knew I was too insecure and anxious to let go of what happened. Insecurity in self plays a huge role in not being able to let go of the situation.

Personally I will be honest about this, it doesn't sound very healthy at all. Not to blame her or you, but both of you sound very emotionally and relationally immature. In your early lines you mentioned sexting iwth someone and wrote it off by pointing out that you were never "physically' with her. That means nothing, sexting is nearly just as intimately involved as being with the other person albeit without real physical touch. In every other way, it's just as sexually arousing, emotionally intense and is in and of itself cheating. She is no better by having had oral sex with another partner later on.

In a nutshell, I don't think either of you is entirely commited or ready for comitment of a full time relationship.

Counseling could help, but commitment is priority one, without that being there, no amount of counseling will fix your wandering ways.

Thanks to both responses so far. I appreciate the honesty and objective opinions. I can't force myself to leave her. I am continuing with individual counselling as well as couples therapy with her.
Yumeikui merry, you make a valid point. Looking back I almost dismiss the sexting as something meaningless. But as you point out, it wouldn't be meaningless to her.
I just hope and pray that I can get my mind straight and focus on her instead of focusing on what she has done.

I am a little surprised given that you are already divorced, already 32, and already in a graduate program, that you are so black and white in your thinking.

You talk about being completely in love or 100% in love. I have never heard anybody talk in this way, ever. One can say that one has studied 59% of his flashcards and another person can say that he has studied 100% of the flashcards, but being in love is not something that can be measured the way you are trying to measure it. Also, that you were "100% in love with her" does not say anything about whether she was in love with you, 100% or not. Nor is the topic of whether she is in love with you seem to be on your agenda at all.

Also, you are talking about past abuse, deaths, being too busy with law school etc. and that all of that has prevented you from attaching to her. And then you go on to say that you were completely happy for three weeks. During that period of the time that you were completely happy, did you all of a sudden forget about past abuse, deaths in the family, and the heavy load of coursework?

You were telling her that you had a long number of issues and willing to work on them, and then you were completely happy and "completely in love". But that is not possible. If you had such long-standing attachment problems that you wrote about them in a large journal, you could not have possibly instantly become so in love with her, because love is a type of attachment. So you are making a lot of contradictory statements... mutually exclusive, basically. It seems to signal an extreme degree of emotional immaturity, because intellectually your having passed the LSAT attests to your ability to realize - on an intellectual level - that these statements contradict one another. But the emotional mind seems to override your rational mind on here. Altogether, with what you have described, with your crying when talking to her mother (which is unusual in this day and age - people now rarely reach out to the parents of 23-year-olds asking said parents to influence their children... in the past such practice was much more common but now is rare), with your level of being self-centered (you wrote a whole journal and we pissed off that she did not take you seriously enough, but when she came and cried, you did not even bother to take her seriously at all), your double standard which has been covered by the previous poster, your sense of entitlement (you believe that your saying that you would work on things and do everything in your power automatically entitles you to her full attention, which is another way of being self-centered) and your inability to deal with chaos (normally, when people are exes two days ago, bf and gf today, and in a break-up two days from now, they realize that their lives are chaotic and do not split hairs over who did what when...)

... so it seems that you might have a Axis II diagnosis, or several of them, at least at the level of traits, possibly past narcissistic injury to your ego, and that the amount of trauma that you suffered in your life was tremendous and your core psyche is extremely vulnerable, causing a complete lack of resilience on your part. We are not supposed to diagnose people on this forum, but we can say that from you have written it appears that you might have traits of extreme emotional instability and that engaging with an individual therapist on a long-term basis would be the best course of action. I strongly recommend that you print out your posts on this thread and bring to the therapy session, and let the therapist assess the many undercurrents evident in your thought process, but the degree to which you compartmentalized your life - professional and academic maturity combined with very infantile emotional response - might fire back at you in some unexpected and dangerous ways later on. I would use this example to get to the core of the problem. As a wake-up call for you. I would avoid any superficial fixes but engage in deep long-term therapy. Even though DBT is usually the recommended course of action for emotional instability, in your particular case I would recommend psychodynamic therapy that deals with your core identity issues first, and adding DBT as a skills training later on. For right now, skills training would be superficial and not get at the core of your issues. One can almost say that you have a split identity - functional in some aspects and dysfunctional in others - and skills training presupposes that the identity is more or less whole.

You probably suffer a lot internally and that suffering needs to get out. Therapy and keeping a journal are/would be very good for you. Reading the journal to yourself and/or in therapy rather than to the gf or other third parties seems a better and safer bet for you.

You also seem to believe that her listening to your deepest stories automatically means that she should have walked away feeling extreme compassion for you. In a way, she did you a favor listening to your deepest stories. You are in law school and you are used to reading and writing a large volume of verbal material all the time. She is 23 and in a mediocre job. She might not be used to hearing so much verbal material at once. She might have not even felt comfortable with your level of sharing, but did not know how to tell you that the stories you said were overwhelming for her. Note that you yourself did not listen much to her, and when she wanted to tell you about that other guy, did not want to listen to her at all but instead wanted to talk to the guy. So she is in your mind on a hook to listen to a lot coming from you, but does not at the same time get your attention as nearly as often. The fact that she is 23 and not in a graduate program and in a mediocre job does not make her less entitled to your time and attention. Also, you involve 3rd parties a lot - you wanted to talk to that guy and you went to talk to her mom. Did the gf want to talk to the woman you exchanged sexts with? No, she did not. But in your post you did not make any mention of the asymmetry, which seems to evidence that you have a humongous blind spot there.

What I am trying to say in a nutshell is that you are obviously hurt, injured, emotionally fragile and in need of help, but, that does not create special entitlements and double standards.

I think joint therapy sessions for right now are a complete waste of time and money if the goal of such sessions is to keep you guys together. If the goal of such sessions is a brief focused intervention to show you guys that you should not be together and to make you part on amicable terms without too much damage done, then such sessions are worth the time and money you guys spend on them.

A lover is not a therapist.

It is not possible for a partner/lover to work therapeutically with you on the issues you describe.

I agree with the others who say that your main need right now is to work on you. My suggestion is to focus on the individual counseling and step back from this relationship.

Yes you can. The way I see it is this: one way to express your care about her is to work on yourself so that you can in the future put yourself fully out there. So you can have her or another woman as a partner and lover, and not as a de facto therapist.

How did you make this conclusion? You do not know what is or is not meaningless to HER. Yumeikui merry would not find it meaningless, but we do not know anything about your gf. Which is not surprising since you do most of the talking in your relationship with her and she does occasional crying and that is it. So you have not had a chance to learn anything about her views, opinions, personality, insecurities, strong suits, and all the rest of that.

PS Since the gf did not dwell on sexting, she might have found it meaningless. Or, she could have by then been intimidated and overwhelmed by you and did not dare to raise her voice. There are many possible explanations.

I also have to ask how your numbers are so precise. 2 days, 3 weeks, 6 weeks - do you keep a diary?

Since you appreciate honesty and objective opinions, and clearly deserve much commendation for this, I will tell you what strikes me as the most bizarre sentence in the whole account:

"Fast forward to September, she tells me she needs more attention and affection. So we have a good chat. I tell her about some past abuse issues and death of loves ones which cause me to put up walls and not fully put myself out there for someone. But that I wanted us to work on that."

I hope the point is clear through emphasis in the quotation from your post. Not only do you do what Bill has pointed out - trying to use a lover as a free therapist, and not just free, but somebody who has to pay the price for being with you by tolerating your being distant, your accusations, intolerance, and lack of appreciation of her and her efforts, but you also think that a lover is supposed to work on your own issues as part of a couple. Buy 1 get 1 free?

I would consider counseling as well- it really works wonders in relationships as well as for individuals. But I would also recommend just maybe taking some time apart, just having a healthy break. It doesn't sound like an overall healthy relationship especially with the cheating that's happened on both ends- but I definitely think if you both are in it 100% and it's something you both desire to work towards, it CAN work. Anything is possible, as they say. But you both have to work hard for sure to get to where you want to be, and it won't be easy but it will definitely get there. I wish you the best, stay strong!