[Just Jen]

I think I don't like my husband. I love him, but don't like him. He's a good man, helps around the house, good dad, gets homework done with daughter when I'm working, and usually is very supportive.
Usually.
When I have mood swings, he is not always understanding of depression issues. I have had a couple of rough days, he thinks it's just a matter of staying on track and keep on keepin on. I know he's not a therapist, and I don't mean to completely "check out" I can't explain myself and how I'm feeling. I sleep a lot! He get mad, says I'm lazy and selfish (am I just these things?) then I feel worse etc...I've given him posts on depression, he doesn't read them. We (me)
Need counseling, it seems like a mountain to get started.
More talking, and opening old baggage. He can get very defensive and I try to be diplomatic in any criticism, then he plays dumb "what did I do?" He'll say. It drives me crazy (sorry) how does everyone else get by with a complacent spouse

Have you been tested by a psychiatrists about your mood swings ?

[Webgoji]

I would suggest therapy both for yourself and as a couple. It will help him grasp what's going on and get you the help you need.

[Petra5ed]

I feel your pain. My husband is an ok guy but he doesn't give me what I need, which is human connection. He is very withholding of his feelings and it makes me feel isolated and alone. Really a relationship should be one place where you can express your feelings and "be heard" and have that shared sense of connectedness at least sometimes. I really crave that.

My husband also doesn't seem to get my depression. Maybe it is a hard thing to really get, but I do know it can feel very lonely in these kinds of relationships. When I've been in the depths of my depression, feeling suicidal, it seems like it's when he steps back from me the most, almost like throwing fuel on the fire.

If you cant get him in couples counseling at least you can take yourself. You'll get that feeling of connectedness with a good therapist. If he's unwilling to work on the relationship it might be time to go. I'm still wading through the reality I might need to find someone else myself. I might just not be cut out for this kind of emotionless marriage, even though I grew up in a house like this, maybe I just want more for myself.

[Just Jen]

Thank you for the replies, peace to you too

[dorothy15]

I agree with Webgoji - counselling is a great idea!You need an outside party who can help you both navigate through your feelings. I had postpartum depression after the birth of my child. It was a very difficult time for husband as he couldn't totally understand what I was going through. We worked through it but it took some time. We did counselling and my husband was able to be supportive.

[~Christina]

Therapy for you.. yes yes yes.

My husband just could not understand what I was going through ( Bipolar).. Eventually I was able to get my husband to go with me to one of my T appts... My T was blunt and used easy to understand language, He made it clear that he ( my husband) didnt have to understand it all , but he either needed to be supportive or we needed to figure out how to end the marriage in the easiest way possible for both of us.

That was a wake up call to my husband... He still doesn't "get it all" but he is supportive whether I need to talk about things or if I just need my own quiet time and/or maybe some extra help getting daily things done.

Guys are "fixers" hense you husbands "stay on track and just keep on keeping on... Its there nature. My husband now knows he can't "fix" me , He can't fix me ! He "can" be supportive. Only "me" can stay on top of my self and use my coping skills and self care to manage through the rough patches I will indeed hit.

I hope that you can both come to an understanding that is supportive , respectful and loving. Marriages are always in need of tending , kinda like a garden.

Welcome to PC

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Just Jen

I have had a couple of rough days, he thinks it's just a matter of staying on track and keep on keepin on.

And if that fails, you need to keep on keeping on keeping on keeping on?

He knows that this is BS, deep down. It is like saying: "try, just try to try to really try being positive and everything will be OK"

When he says that you are SELFISH, you can say: "Do you think I enjoy your "keep on keeping on" and your telling me that I am lazy? Obviously, I do not. I would never choose to hear those things, as being hurt by those words is not in my self-interest. I thought SELFISH was an extreme degree of protecting one's self-interest, no?.."

[Just Jen]

Great post Christine, I love the garden analogy. Thanks