I'm just curious what other peoples' experiences were…how long did it take in your current relationship before both people could say "I love you" and could express love to each other? I'm just trying to see if my expectations are realistic or not.

[Raindropvampire]

I think it was 10 months before I said I love you. In fact he freaked me out because he said it after about 3-4 months. In past relationships it took about 15 months or so before I said it IF I said it at all.

I have had several relationships where it was a bone of contention because the guy would say I love you and I would answer with I really care about you. However, I will say that I have a GREAT deal of attaching to people, a plethora of trust issues and am damaged on fundamental levels by my upbringing so I am probably not the best gauge for this

I have the opposite problem. I attach immediately if I'm going to attach at all. I didn't say "I love you" as soon as I felt it because it would have seemed too soon…and I think it was too soon anyway when I ended up saying it (basically it came down to him asking me how I really felt and I wasn't going to lie). I feel unlovable right now by everyone and I guess I need to hear "I love you" just to know that I'm not some sort of unlovable monster. I figured my expectations are unrealistic, but I wanted to see what other peoples' experiences were. If it wasn't affecting our already dysfunctional sex life, I could live with it for now. Basically, we're not having sex at all because our feelings for each other are on two different levels and like I said, I feel like an unlovable subhuman. Ugh…I should probably start another thread asking how soon is too soon in a relationship to go to the sex therapist. Even if we could both say "I love you" it would still be disastrous.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I put 3 - 6 months but I don't really think there is a hard fast rule here. depends on too many factors. If you're saying you love someone before you really are ready to commit to them, I think it's too soon. Love, to me, is a serious thing and not to be taken lightly or thrown out there willy nilly.

[niceguy]

I was always told that you say you love someone as soon as you feel it - as they may not be there tom!!

Having said that though, I have only had one other person not reciprocate and I ended up wishing I had waited. Still I felt it, so not saying it would not have changed the feeling anyway.

Honestly, I do not understand why someone would not want to hear it - after all, don't we all just long to be loved?

[Yismymindblank12]

For someone to actually have me love them, and mean it other than a friendly silly banter. More than 2 years minimum.

Originally Posted by niceguy

I was always told that you say you love someone as soon as you feel it - as they may not be there tom!!

Having said that though, I have only had one other person not reciprocate and I ended up wishing I had waited. Still I felt it, so not saying it would not have changed the feeling anyway.

Honestly, I do not understand why someone would not want to hear it - after all, don't we all just long to be loved?

But if it happens too quickly, then it's inappropriate and then I'm "creepy" or something. I just attach very quickly and feel feelings much stronger than the average person apparently.

Of course he longs to be loved (as do I). However, he is also very scared as he has been very hurt in the past. I don't think enough time has passed for him to fully believe that I really am going to still be by his side no matter what because the women in his past always dropped him immediately.

I don't know, maybe it's crazy, but I think some people are so perfect together that even from the beginning you know you're meant to be together. It's like we've known each other only a semester, but it's like we've known each other forever. I mean, he can often tell how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking before I say anything. Our strengths and weaknesses complement each other. That sort of thing. And knowing him, I knew I had to wait to say "I love you" and that it would not be a good idea at this point to say I see him beside me for the rest of my life. He's not ready for that yet, but he's getting closer.

[BobbyDavis]

I think it all comes down to the individual and there is no standard nor should there be. I knew I liked my Wife from the first day I met her because we just gelled and it was like we had known each other for decades but I didn’t actually ‘love’ her until we had been friends for around six months and it was her that told me she loved me first and she already knew that I was in love with her. We never dated because my Wife hates the term dating and we didn’t call ourselves boyfriend or girlfriend either but everybody knew we were a couple and we were in love. Every relationship is different and love is the strongest emotion that a person can have and I don’t think you can place a time on it because when you fall in love with somebody it comes natural and nobody can decide that for you.

[eskielover]

I was married to my H for 33 + years living with him & looking back, I realize that I NEVER loved him....respect issues before the marriage destroyed any love I might have felt & the fact that he wasn't capable of changing, love NEVER grew like it possibly could have.

LOL...I got a message just a month ago from a guy I went to high school with back in 1967-1970.....he commented that he had loved me back in high school but was afraid to tell me ....how can you love someone you don't even know.....it's definitely NOT the kind of love you can base a relationship on......I could see if he'd said...he was attracted to me.....but LOVE .....I think NOT......seems like he still might not know the true meaning of LOVE IMO.