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#1
Mar 23, 2007, 03:25 PM
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19 years is a long time to be married. we've been through thick and thin, troubles you name it we got through it.
i've been doing a lot of thinking. i'm sad but i dont think i can go on any more. so much upheaval, so much hurt, so much trouble to be expected. kids will be upset. what do i do. stay in a loveless marriage and put up with it or try my best to manage on my own. my mental state is not good at the moment. i just feel so confused. and sad. i love him but i'm not in love with him, cliche. torn in two. just want to be happy. am i selfishto split this family apart? jin |
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#2
Mar 23, 2007, 03:34 PM
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Hello Jinny.
I am sorry that you are having such hard times. I would highly suggest talking to your therapist before moving forward with any future plans. That way you have support that you need to make the decisions you need to make. Just take one day at a time and try to let you therapist help you decide what is best for you and your family. Take care Jinny. PM if you wish. Soidhonia
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The Caged Bird Sings with a Fearful Trill of Things Unknown and Longed for Still and his Tune is Heard on the Distant Hill for the Caged Bird Sings of Freedom |
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#3
Mar 23, 2007, 04:52 PM
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Jinny, "in love" feelings don't last a lifetime most of the time. You love him. Does he love you? Do you have mutual respect and honesty? If so, you have half the battle won. How about communication? We all need to work on that, it seems. Is he abusive to you or to the kids? If he's not, then I would say that the kids have a right to grow up with both their mom and dad in residence. They need and deserve both.
Where do you expect the trouble to come from? Is it a certainty, or is it something you just worry about? If you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is trouble coming your way, then the two of you can prepare to meet it head on. Otherwise, don't borrow trouble. Hope I've given you something to think about. There's more that I can say, but I'll leave it for a later time, if that's okay. Please take care of YOU. 
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#4
Mar 23, 2007, 04:53 PM
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I do not think you are selfish.
Talking with a professional is a good idea.
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#5
Mar 23, 2007, 05:03 PM
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i do not think you are selfish either......talk to a T and get some IRL feedback. love, pat
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#6
Mar 23, 2007, 06:33 PM
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How old are your kids?
It sounds like you have been feeling this way for a long time. What is it that you are missing in your relationship? Have you asked for what it is that you're missing? And are you missing it in your marriage, or do you need to expand your own life so that it provides some of the needs that your husband does not meet? I think it's a mistake to expect a relationship to provide everything. When we are feeling vibrant in ourselves it is easier to create the vibrance that will allow our relationship to stay alive (or come back to life). That's not to say that whatever is missing from your marriage isn't important enough to be decisive for you. But it is worth asking first what is going on within you ... whether some of you you see "out there" is actually "in here." It sounds like your relationship is very deep together ... the pain included, I understand. I hope you are able to reach a place of healing, whatever your decisions. Please use us for support! |
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#7
Mar 23, 2007, 06:50 PM
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5 years ago I left my 19 year marraige (I have two sons), but the odds are that our situations are likely different. If you'd like to talk, feel free to PM me. What was good for me may not be your answer, and maybe I might have a direction you are looking for.
Angela |
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#8
Mar 23, 2007, 07:09 PM
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thankyou so much for your support. my daughter is 18 and my son is 15.
i may just put this to one side until i am feeling better myself. i just have days you know? where i think maybe i would be better off without him. i do love him, he loves me, but we've been through so much, and i've tried to make it work several times. he is a good man but maybe a little weak. i need someone to look after me at the moment. bless him he just cant show emotion. i need a lot of affection cos of what happened when i was younger. idk. thanks for your support everyone jinxoxoxo |
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#9
Mar 23, 2007, 09:08 PM
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I'm so sorry for you dear. Please give your self a rest and time to think...that is soooo serious a decision.
I pray for you... D.
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#10
Mar 23, 2007, 09:32 PM
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JinnyAnn}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#11
Mar 24, 2007, 10:03 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((((JinnyAnn)))))))))))))))))))))
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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