Need to vent

I'm having a bit of a hard day and find it very difficult to talk to my family/friends about the situation.

I was with my partner for just over 10 years. We went through a lot together, including his depression, me cheating, long-distance, and breaking up for about 6 weeks in the 4th or 5th year. He forgave me for cheating and was always sure I was the one he would spend the rest of his life with.

I broke up with him about 3 months ago. I know this took him by surprise and he was deeply hurt. At his worst, I didn't know how I would handle things and did not have a support system to help me through. I sometime doubted our relationship because of this and it got to the point that I was exhausted and anxious, which led to the breakup.

He has gotten help for his depression and I continue to see the positive changes he is trying to make for himself. I am proud of him for this, considering how difficult part of his life has been. I've felt, for awhile now, that I'm in limbo.

I've moved for work and thought that I would feel better once I got settled in, but that hasn't happened yet. Although I love my job, I feel like I'm just getting through each day.

I know I lost myself in the relationship, trying to make him happy. I had no idea that he had depression (although I can see that now and better understand it). I let a lot of anger and resentment build up over the time we were together and I find I go from being angry at him, then myself, and then I'm sad.

He was always kind to my family, although not as outgoing as I would've liked. He never grew up close to his family, but always said he looked forward to the family we would have. He wanted to give his children the things he never had.

I never really set any boundaries either. I know I probably wouldn't be this upset/anxious if I had spoken my mind more often and focused more on a balance in our relationship. Some days I can see things working out in the future and us being happy, but others I feel like i'll always have this nervousness and not be able to let go of the past.

I've felt very disconnected from others in my life. I never wanted them to know how much I struggled. Everyone else seemed to have everything together I guess and, as good as our good times were, we did have some difficulty along the way.

I've spoken to him a number of times since our breakup and we've both apologized for things we've done. I do miss talking to him, as he was my best friend and such a big part of my life for so long.

I guess I'm not looking for any answers, just some support and maybe hear from anyone who has gone through something similar?

what really stood out for me was how you said you feel disconnected from others because they seemed to have it all together while you struggled. dont judge other peoples outsides with your insides. if there wasnt a disconnection from others you probably would have discovered that everybody else was struggling in one way or another as well. people just dont like to talk about their struggles because they dont want to be judged or they are afraid how others will respond or that others will not understand. know that you are not alone, ever. there is always someone experiencing the same things you are. it is just the way life is. take care.