[theantiquatedhousew]

What is the diagnosis of the person who for which entire marriage (15 years) cuts down their spouse to then, when they are feeling like less than zero, look them in the eye and say, "but I still love you", or "no one has never loved you like I do" ??? OR When we are out in public, doesn't matter where it is, I am treated like either the help, like I am an embarrassment and has to walk 5 paces away, or basically has to make it publicly known, by anyone around, that he disapproves of me. Then when we get home and there is no one else around he's pleasant. He then can't understand why I want nothing to do with him then. I am then the jerk. If someone does something nice (bakes for the office, or any other random act of kindness) , he carries on about how wonderful they are. When I do the same, he's almost angry that I was nice to anyone for anything. I could go on and on and it just continues. How could I have spent my entire adult life with someone who doesn't even like me?

This has been going on for years. I am miserable and so is he and yet I can't understand why I can't bring myself to leave.

[guilloche]

I'm sorry theantiquatedhousew... that's terrible, and I can't imagine how hard it's been for you to live with it for 15 years! Wow.

I don't know what his diagnosis would be, there are probably multiple categories he could fit under... but whatever it is, the end result is that it's emotionally abusive to you. You shouldn't have to live like that - you deserve to be loved and respected and treated with kindness from your spouse, not to feel like an embarrassment and constantly cut down. Nobody deserves that.

As to why you can't leave... is it possible that after 15 years, he's done such a number on your self-esteem that you don't feel like you can do better without him? That happens to many people, they feel stuck because they don't think they can support themselves, or they don't think they can find anyone better. Sometimes, people don't leave because the way they're treated actually feels safe and familiar, because they were brought up by parents who acted similarly (so being treated well would actually be scary and unfamiliar).

Have you thought about talking to a therapist to get some insight and help with this?

*good luck* - you deserve better, but sometimes it's hard to figure out how to get there without some help!

[Mid-Life-Larry]

theantiquatedhousew, know, that you are not alone. sometimes, feeling 'stuck' is worse than the actual unkind acts. hope you can find a professional to talk to. good luck

[abefroman]

You are definitely not alone. I am in the same situation with my wife. She constantly knocks me down and loves to tell me what I don't do right or what a miserable person I am. After 15 years we sleep apart and speak only when needed. I was diagnosed with Major depressive disorder about a year and a half ago and I have just started to figure out why I let it get so bad. I come from a broken home and my father left when I was 1. I swore if I had any kids I would never leave them. I see now that I have let myself be emotionally abused and "dealt" with it for years to save my son that same damage (just to be replaced by different damage!). I am now stuck because depression has cost me my esteem, my job and my lust for life. I don't know what to do or where to turn.
Long story short (to late) just know you are not alone. Just reading your post has helped me realize, again, I am not alone either. So thank you for even putting yourself out there! It really does suck to be stuck at any stage in life but a bad relationship is the worst!!!