[djewell9888]

How do we find a healthy medium?
Me and my fiance have been dating off and on since we were 14 years old.
We know in our hearts that we love each other.
No matter where we were when we were apart, we were always close in our hearts.
Now we are much older, 26, we both have diagnosis of a mental disorder.
I am getting help for mine, therapy and medications, but he is not.
We are most the time opposites. One is manic and the other depressive or vice versa. I am also trying to become sober of all things (health reasons) and he is not. Which is a little bit harder then it seems. Once we had decided to do it together but it didnt last long.
I am at a stand still on how this can all be at a healthy medium for the both of us.

Unless he is willing to get help and stop drinking he will make it much harder for you as you will need the support from him . He is going to hold you back and this will become toxic .

He has to want it get better for himself and it sounds like he's not ready or willing

[djewell9888]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

Unless he is willing to get help and stop drinking he will make it much harder for you as you will need the support from him . He is going to hold you back and this will become toxic .

He has to want it get better for himself and it sounds like he's not ready or willing

I am seeing that more and more. Every day is a struggle, but also every day that it is in front of me and i refuse to take part in it, whether nicely or firmly, I feel stronger yet I kinda feel disrespected at times because he knows how hard I am working on this and how much I truly want it for my health and my loved ones.... <lost/confused>

[hvert]

It is really, really hard to get sober/quit something when the people you are closest to are still doing it.

I'm sorry for your situation because there is nothing you can really do that will make him see the light. I hope he decides that he is also ready for a change.

[Victoria'smom]

My husband and I are bipolar. Originally he gave me an ultimatum to get help. So under threat of divorce and losing a child. I got help. However from my perspective he was the one that had issues so he agreed to get help also. Several failed misdiagnoses, med changes... we moved, gave up, threw away our meds and went on with life.

Then my husband took to the manic side and I refused to allow him to work. He needed to go to a clinic to go back to work. He was slapped with Bipolar, medicated, prescribed therapy and told no working for at least a year. So it was my turn to become the supportive spouse.

Until the day I felt his Therapist was going to hospitalize me. Then I got my own therapist and dr. to make sure I wasn't hospitalized. I was slapped bipolar, medicated, prescribed therapy and not hospitalized.

I feel we work so well because we're honest to each other and our therapists and they communicate with one another. Both of us "decided" treatment for different reasons but we both stick with it because it works most of the time for us. I don't know if I could be with him without the help and him receiving help. But we're two bipolars making it work, mostly.