[mumblethesilent]

i recently began dating this guy i know and he suffers from severe depression more often than i do. I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and it's taken me a very long time to somewhat stabilize. i still have my moments, but i've gotten better at reaching out for help and my friends have been fantastic at helping me through it. then this guy comes along and within two days he's in love with me and almost triggered one of my episodes by making me feel bad for not wanting to jump right into a serious relationship after two days. i asked for him to just slow it down for a while and let me ease into it. i haven't dated anyone seriously in 6 months. i wasn't ready. but he kept on asking to see me every day. he slept at my house, ate my food, used my toiletries, even wore my winter coats. he asked for back rubs all the time and basically wanted me to baby him because he was going through some hard times. mind you, this is still less than a week into our relationship. i eventually broke down and told him that i couldn't baby him anymore, because my entire savings account had been spent on food to feed him and other things like soap and such. all the resources he used. he took this and used it to self-destruct. so of course, by the end of the whole discussion, there i am, rubbing his back, giving him food, and babying him because "you make me feel so bad". it's apparently my fault for being so "mean" to him. he made it clear that i had made him feel like the worst person ever and he just broke down. fast forward another week. it's now been two weeks since i've been with him and i've been continuing to baby him even though he refuses any food i offer him anymore even though he's eager to tell me how he hasn't eaten in 24 hours and whimpers and grabs his stomach every ten minutes. having been mamabear for so long i asked him for one night when he would pamper me. he ended up just following me around all night while i hung out with my friends and roommates and then when we went to bed, i asked for a back rub, which he was too tired for, so then i just asked for a cuddle, and got 5 seconds of one arm being draped over me on top of the comforter, with no real yhuman contact. once again a fight breaks out because i feel used and taken advantage of. i finally have enough and ask him for some space. i need to slow this whole thing down and at this point the guy is practically living with me. i felt completely trapped. he would constantly say "i love you" and if i didn't say it back, he'd look hurt and be sad all night, if i did say it back he'd follow it every time with "Really?". at this point i was just trying to maintain my own identity. he'd come out of nowhere, decided we were in love, and taken over my entire life. i asked him to give me a few days alone and then we could start over from the beginning. then yesterday after a fairly good morning (i made breakfast for him and my two roommates which he refused to eat, but i didn't push it, watched movies, cuddled, made love etc. just a nice lazy holiday morning) he went off to work and i went to my family's house for dinner, even brought back four bags of leftovers of the christmas ham (which i don't eat at all because i just don't like ham) so that he would have something at my house to eat that A)wouldn't cost me anything and B)that wouldn't be food i was going to need later. he came home from work in a terrible mood, clutching his stomach and whimpering because once again he hadn't eaten in 24 hours even though he works at a restaurant and has access to free food from there whenever he wants it. fine. that's ok. i had ham for him. i tried nicely to offer it to him all night long. when we finally went to bed he just lay there whimpering and clutching his stomach again and i tried one more time to get him to eat some of the ham in the fridge to at least raise his blood sugar and improve his mood. he kept refusing again and again and i just got frustrated and told him he was acting like a child and that he was losing my respect by doing so. he got up, yelled and screamed at me calling me cruel and mean and saying that i didn't love him and that i was unfeeling and uncaring, called me a psychopath, compared me to hitler and charles manson, and stormed outside to smoke a cigarette. i followed him out there after a while of hearing him talking about me outside my bedroom window, and tried to get him to calm down. he called me insane and passive aggressive and said that anyone would have reacted the way he did in the same scenario. he insisted that i was the one who needed to calm down and i pointed out the fact that i had not once raised my voice, or even moved around at all until i got up and walked outside. he got in my face screaming and waving his hands around and i tried to get him to just come inside and go to sleep because i had to be up at 7 am and this was all taking place at 2am. he came in and got in bed and just curled up into a little ball and cried. at which point i didn't know what to do. trying to care for and comfort him had been met with hostility before and now i was just trying to give him some space. he then got angry with me because i didn't even offer a hand in comfort and i told him i was scared to and he stormed out of my house and went home. once there, he continued to send me message after message about how he wanted us to work and he would do anything and everything to make me happy and how everything was always his fault and i needed to take some responsibility for this. so i did. i apologized for getting frustrated with him and he just kept putting himself down and saying how awful he was and how he would do better for me and he'd do anything for me and i asked him to just take care of himself. that was all. then i asked him if i went to sleep if he would still be alive and in one piece this morning when i woke up. he said he couldn't make that promise, and i haven't heard from him since.

i'm terrified something has happened and his blood is on my hands. please help me figure this out. i don't know what to do. should i break up with him for my own sanity and financial stability if it means he's going to self-destruct and it's all gonna be my fault? should i try to stick with him and love him and keep trying to help him, even if he refuses to help himself? should i call 911 and send them to his house? or is he just manipulating me? i'm so confused. help.

[geez]

Mumble he is clearly manipulating you. He is feeling bad for your attention. When you take that attention away he tells you you're heartless/insensitive. He basically had a temper tantrum because he's not getting what he wants from you. You then give him attention and he goes back to feeling bad/sad but not angry.

A relationship is when two people care about each other and support one another. You are clearly supporting him in every way and he's using you as a doormat. He's not supporting you even when you ask. When you stand up for yourself he turns around and says you're not being supportive. How is he supporting you?????

People often settle for less than in a relationship when they have low self esteem. Why are you settling by putting up with his mind games?

Call the police and have them check on him. They can go to his work or where he lives. You won't have any blood on your hands. The best way for him to get treatment is for him to threaten suicide. The police will have no choice but to have him go to the hospital where he will get help.

Keep us posted and don't let him drag you down. Find a person that will lift you up.


PS - the cycle of an abuser is to beat you down and then apologize - I love you, I can't live without you, I would do anything for you.... Then they explode and the cycle repeats. You shouldn't be involved with someone like that. They get in your head and before you know it you're apologizing for something they did/caused.

Save yourself especially before it gets physical.

Don't be a statistic and RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[geez]

I saw this and thought of your situation.......

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk