[tallulahxoxo]

I just wanted some people to talk to about this. Thanks in advance. (:

So basically 95% of my very close friends from high school (I'm 22 now) are now on drugs. Weed, meth, heroin.
I love them dearly. (Or did, I'm confused. Do I love them or the memories? Things have obviously changed.)

I would try to be there for them, but they kept relapsing, and it came to a point where I just changed my number and stopped talking to them. It made me too sad to see people I love drug addicted and homeless and made me feel helpless.

Recently I confronted a friend about her alcohol use. She binges every day. I honestly did this out of serious concern. Not to mention she acts way different, I don't like her when she drinks. She got pissed and wouldn't listen to me. So I dropped her.

I don't know if this is a strength or weakness of mine. I can just drop most anyone. No big deal.

She emailed me telling me I don't have empathy and don't know what love is. I feel like I do know what love is. But some people I need to love from way afar because they do not love themselves. I don't really have friends at this point. But I feel like that's part of growing up and letting go .

What do you think ? Thank you .

[toolman65]

You can not have enough love or empathy to make someone change. They have to want it. You can not help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You reached out . You tried. Dropping them may be harsh, but what else can you do?

As i once heard it defined; addiction is a behaviour you can not stop. "It" becomes the primary relationship and the organizing principle of your life. You trust" it". You feel safe with "it" . You have faith that" it" will ease your pain.

Unless you are getting her into a treatment program , i would keep a distance between yourself and her guilt trips

[sideblinded]

SqrqhJean

Thank you for your post. I actually commend you for making some tough decisions. Maybe you are growing up and moving away from the things that we used to do a lot of in high school. Some of us are able to move away from this behavior and for others it becomes a disease. It is hard to be around drinkers and even more so binge drinkers. This is what people established 12 step support groups for. This is why we have Alonon, ACOA, CODA and the like. Maybe your friend will grow out of this but if you don't want to wait around until she does, then you have every right to walk away. It is not possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who abuses a substance. They cannot be a good friend. I think you are smart to detach. In 12 step programs we call this detach with love. Many people in marriages with alcoholics have to do this. You will always be able to make new healthy friends. Maybe it is time to start new and make some healthy friends. The only person who you can control is yourself. You have no power over other people's addictions. I just think you are growing up and deciding to make good choices.

[tallulahxoxo]

Thank you both very much for your kind words and support (:

[hvert]

I think you are on the right track. Not wanting to watch people self destruct doesn't mean you don't have empathy. It could mean that you have too much, so watching people do these awful things to themselves is overwhelming.

[Trippin2.0]

I did the same thing around your age...


Firstly, I couldn't keep watching the train wrecks, it was heart breaking.


Secondly, I thought it was stupid and selfish of them and I wanted no more part in their infantile decisions.


Thirdly, it was simply time to grow up, and move forward. Sometimes that means letting go.


Over the years some of my friends have cleaned up their acts and we have managed to rebuild our friendships, for others it was either too late to salvage the friendship, or they never bothered to change their ways.


I see no wrong doing on your part and no reason to feel guilty. You're doing what's good and healthy for you. Nobody else is going to do so for you, personal responsibility is a positive thing.