[davidicci]

Could I ask for opinions on something please? My boyfriend apparently got spooked by my bipolar disorder (or any other of the 4 inconsistent explanations) and has decided we go from living together with two roommates to me living by myself and him living with the two roommates. He claims he wants to go to couples therapy while living separately. He said this would only be for 3-6 months and we will be able to get a house together after that. I haven't even decided that I want to stay with him, because to me this is abandonment. Plus he hid the entire process of getting his apartment and then lied about it. My question is, is it even possible for a relationship to move backwards and then attempt to move forwards again? Especially when one partner harbors a lot of negative feelings toward the other? I can't even speak with him without getting privately furious and annoyed. I really appreciate your help everyone!

[theantiquatedhousew]

I am so sorry. I am also sorry if this comes out the wrong way, but you have to take care of yourself and not worry about him. No one knows the whole story but the two of you. If he gave you several different reasons 'why' and then got an apartment without telling you and invited your roommates to join him - let him go. If you feel you need counseling - seek it. But only for you. At the very least give yourself time to breathe and think about what you want without his influence. Do you feel like he is being honest in seeing a counselor or just saying that to appease you? Take it from a woman who should have run a long time ago - if it feels wrong, it is wrong. I believed the lies because I wanted to believe him. As I look back I always knew he was full of it. I lost 20 years because I wanted it to be right. Don't give up another week of your life to someone if it doesn't feel right. Why does he think he has the right to decide how you live? You roommates agreed to this? How awful. Why does he get to decide your timeline? Decide for yourself!!!!! I cannot stress that enough..I have a husband who thinks he has the right to tell me what my new years resolution should be! And it started by him telling me how things were going to go....please please don't let him do that!

[Seeking_Peace]

Originally Posted by davidicci

Could I ask for opinions on something please? My boyfriend apparently got spooked by my bipolar disorder (or any other of the 4 inconsistent explanations) and has decided we go from living together with two roommates to me living by myself and him living with the two roommates. He claims he wants to go to couples therapy while living separately. He said this would only be for 3-6 months and we will be able to get a house together after that. I haven't even decided that I want to stay with him, because to me this is abandonment. Plus he hid the entire process of getting his apartment and then lied about it. My question is, is it even possible for a relationship to move backwards and then attempt to move forwards again? Especially when one partner harbors a lot of negative feelings toward the other? I can't even speak with him without getting privately furious and annoyed. I really appreciate your help everyone!

How long have you been with this guy? I think the fact that he hid the process of him getting a apartment and lied about it is a major red flag.

[davidicci]

Originally Posted by theantiquatedhousew

I am so sorry. I am also sorry if this comes out the wrong way, but you have to take care of yourself and not worry about him. No one knows the whole story but the two of you. If he gave you several different reasons 'why' and then got an apartment without telling you and invited your roommates to join him - let him go. If you feel you need counseling - seek it. But only for you. At the very least give yourself time to breathe and think about what you want without his influence. Do you feel like he is being honest in seeing a counselor or just saying that to appease you? Take it from a woman who should have run a long time ago - if it feels wrong, it is wrong. I believed the lies because I wanted to believe him. As I look back I always knew he was full of it. I lost 20 years because I wanted it to be right. Don't give up another week of your life to someone if it doesn't feel right. Why does he think he has the right to decide how you live? You roommates agreed to this? How awful. Why does he get to decide your timeline? Decide for yourself!!!!! I cannot stress that enough..I have a husband who thinks he has the right to tell me what my new years resolution should be! And it started by him telling me how things were going to go....please please don't let him do that!

i've been looking intensively for a small studio apartment just to get out. i can't even think right now considering i'm surrounded by OUR bedroom, OUR living room, etc. I told him i am incapable of giving him an answer as to whether i want to continue, and oddly enough he is totally offended. I literally just told him that my new first priority is me. i'm also my second priority and my third, as well. everything else will have to fall in place after that. I need to breathe. I need to be alone. I also need to figure out how I'm going to afford a new apartment, final bills and rent on the house, and a moving van for my bed. i do believe he's serious about counseling, but why now? while living apart for the next 13 months or so? i don't think it's worth it. additionally the roommate we have that is my friend i guess didn't want to live with the roommate i hate and my boyfriend, which means that the two of them will be living together by themselves. I had actually just about a month ago called my boyfriend out on the fact that he was suddenly spending so much time with the roommate i hate and just absolutely bending over backwards to do anything and everything for him that i felt it was emotional infidelity. all of our intimate, personal relationship details, my boyfriend discussed with this low life. he stewed for a few days over that and then came at me with all the reasons why i was being stupid about it and i was wrong, end of story. that's not exactly how that works. then he sneaks around and they get an apartment together? nope. i don't think i can do this. i'm terrified of being in a humongous city all by myself with not a single person to talk to, but i'd rather do that i think then be made to feel the way i have. Thanks so much for listening, i am so happy i found this site. finally have people to talk to!

[davidicci]

Originally Posted by Seeking_Peace

How long have you been with this guy? I think the fact that he hid the process of him getting a apartment and lied about it is a major red flag.

a year and a half. and you're so right.

[avlady]

Fly like a bat out of hell from this guy

[davidicci]

Originally Posted by avlady

Fly like a bat out of hell from this guy

I think you are spot on.

[davidicci]

Especially since I asked him when our estimated move out date is. A month. A freaking month, to come up with $1500 just to move in. Not to mention I have nothing for an apartment.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by davidicci

Especially since I asked him when our estimated move out date is. A month. A freaking month, to come up with $1500 just to move in. Not to mention I have nothing for an apartment.

I could write a big long reply to your situation but ^^^ what you typed is just proof that the guy is a jerk( understatement) and its best you get away as soon as possible.

Do you have any options ? like crashing with a friend for a little while?

Take care of you.

[davidicci]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I could write a big long reply to your situation but ^^^ what you typed is just proof that the guy is a jerk( understatement) and its best you get away as soon as possible.

Do you have any options ? like crashing with a friend for a little while?

Take care of you.

I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately I came here and started to make a few friends through the evil roommate, but when he and I had our falling out they stopped talking to me. As it stands, I'm living 6 hours from home with zero friends and no support network. And I have been so incredibly stressed, I started rapid cycling yesterday. I kind of feel like I can't win for losing, but I cannot give up. I gotta get out.

[~Christina]

Can you move back home? where you have family or friends that can give you a place to stay and get back on your feet??

[toolman65]

Do you have a lease on the current apartment? Did you sign it? Did you put money as a security deposit? Last month's rent? Who own's what? Breaking the lease may mean penalties.

Do not walk away without first making damn sure you are not on the hook for anything. That includes car , phone, cable, utilities, etc. Can he access your bank account, credit cards, safety deposit box? What is in his name? Your name? Both names?

I'm sorry if this adds to your stress.

In the short term, you may want to consider getting a storage unit for your furnishings and getting yourself home.

If he had any class he would help you out, but i think we are past that.

I wish you luck.

[davidicci]

Lease ends 1-31 originally 4-31, but he made a deal with the landlord behind my back. Yes, I did sign. Security deposit will be split as is was paid. Everything here except my bed and my personal belongings are his. He made me leave mine behind. My name is on nothing else. My cell is under him but I'll just transfer it to me. He has no access to anything of mine. I came here with nothing now I'm leaving with nothing.

As for moving me home I took the week off FMLA, as all of this has made me start to rapid cycle,and my parents will be here Saturday. I'm really starting to evaluate why I'm staying here with no friends or support. Probably bc at he id be immobile. No car. Here I don't need one.

[Trippin2.0]

In your shoes?

I would leave with my parents.


Go back home where I have friends, family, a support system, people who actually give a damn about me.


That's what I would do.


Don't make his (car) problems yours, he's clearly only looking out for number one, not sure why you're not following suite, because the "we" ship has clearly sailed....

[davidicci]

It's still a high probability. When my parents get here Saturday we are going to make that decision. I bet I leave.

[hvert]

I agree that leaving with your parents sounds like the best option. That guy is a jerk.

[davidicci]

Well, I did it. Picked up my stuff and moved across state with my parents. I'll try looking for a roommate situation later when I go back to philly, but right now I need to mend myself.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by davidicci

I can't even speak with him without getting privately furious and annoyed.

I would go with that. Why should he get things his way? I don't believe you can have a relationship that is *relating* if he is calling all the shots? You do not like what he has done. That cannot change by willing it to, he is not considering you and you are supposed to be in this relationship with him? I'd take your *freedom* and to heck with him and his plans that don't include you.

[Trippin2.0]

WOW! So proud of you really glad you took off with your parents, it's high time you do something good for you, and just you. You did the right thing, you can't enter through the door of new opportunities and possibilities while your foot is still stuck in another. I'm certain you made the right decision and I hope it soon brings you comfort and joy.

[~Christina]

OUTSTANDING Decision ! I am so very happy for you