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  #1  
Old Jan 05, 2015, 11:57 PM
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Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
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I want to build my confidence to the point where I'm not so easily discouraged when a guy isn't interested in me.

You see, I feel very discouraged at the simplest sign that a guy in particular isn't sending me back the same signals I am sending him. It's like I want to climb out of the hole, but the rungs of courage on my ladder of success aren't there.

Any ideas for tools I can use to rectify this situation?
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  #2  
Old Jan 06, 2015, 12:06 AM
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Well, maybe it's worth building up your sense of identity and confidence before you seek out a relationship. What kind of things make you feel really good about yourself?
  #3  
Old Jan 06, 2015, 12:07 AM
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Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
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I look in the mirror and like what I see. That makes me feel good about myself.
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  #4  
Old Jan 06, 2015, 12:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artchic528 View Post
I look in the mirror and like what I see. That makes me feel good about myself.
Well, that's a start, for sure. What about things you like doing?
  #5  
Old Jan 06, 2015, 12:45 AM
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Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
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Well, I like reading books, playing video games, watching anime/reading manga....

How does watching anime boost my confidence with the opposite sex though?
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  #6  
Old Jan 06, 2015, 01:40 AM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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The stronger sense of self worth and good self esteem will automatically seep into all parts of your life , it will come across to others that your confident and a strong balanced person. Most men are just drawn to confident women, It is one of the " Fake it til you make" kinda things.

As far as the signals and whatnot with relationships.. well it depends where you are in the relationship, if its a new relationship well it takes time to find out what a person is like.

Maybe your investing too much of you into a situation too soon? Just a thought

If its a relationship of some time and your not feeling the connection then I would advise you and him to sit down and discuss it.

Good luck
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Old Jan 06, 2015, 01:43 AM
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That's the thing, there is no guy, no situation. I'm just trying to not get discouraged so easily. I take my dating one guy at a time, and seem, like you said, to invest quite a bit into that one particular guy.

I just want to not get so discouraged when it doesn't work out, or there never was anything there in the first place.
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  #8  
Old Jan 06, 2015, 07:33 AM
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Lots of fish in the sea. Just the right guy ... blah, blah, blah ...

I guess they way I always thought of it when it came to women was that it wasn't any different that applying for a job or getting published. Just because that one interview didn't land me that job or that submission didn't get me published didn't mean that I would never get a job or get published. In the same way, a relationship not working out didn't mean I wouldn't find the right woman. All it meant is I hadn't found her yet.

In the same way, it's not that he's not out there. It's not that you don't have the right qualities. It's none of those things. You just haven't found each other ... yet. Yes, you'll think you see the signs, it'll all add up, but then ... poof ... it doesn't work. That's okay because it wasn't anything anyone did was wrong. You just hadn't found each other in the mess of this world.

Time to turn over another rock. After a little hissing at the sunlight, the guy under the new rock you found might be the one.
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Old Jan 06, 2015, 08:07 PM
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Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
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Okay....I'm not looking for "the one" here. I've given up looking for him. I just want confidence.
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  #10  
Old Jan 06, 2015, 10:25 PM
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It takes time to build confidence.

Sit down and hand write your strong points and then the ones that are lacking. Once you have that list ... Pick one that needs work and do it. No matter how awkward it feels just keep chipping away at it.

For example I use to have trouble going out to eat by myself .. So I just went and picked a place and sat down and had a meal, was it comfortable ? No ....Did I feel like everyone was looking at me , Yep, but I just kept doing it. It soon became a simple enjoyable thing to do.

You just have to face the things that are tough for you to do.. Bull by horns. Its hard work , but its like learning everything else takes time and effort.

Maybe seeing a Therapist for a while can help you find out what can help.
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