[CosmicRose]

Why do so many guys think me being nice means I'm flirting?
One time I was in Walmart and I passed by an older gentleman (I'm in my 20s, he was in his late 40s) and I smiled at him when I walked past him because I felt like being nice and I was in a good mood. He took this as flirting and said "Don't do that! You're going to make me think you're interested in me, what would your boyfriend think?!" and he laughed, Or something like that (don't remember what he said exactly) but it really shocked me and caught me off guard.

Same thing happened at a grocery store, I smiled at a stranger (because I thought we were supposed to be nice to each other in this society) and he started asking for my number.

These situations happen kind of often, so I've stopped smiling at people or saying hi to strangers (not that I said hi to everyone or something) just as a casual friendly exchange.
They all think I'm flirting with them! Even guys where I'm just having a nice conversation, they think I'm flirting.
I'm not doing anything to make them think I'm flirting, I'm just being nice.

This really makes me uncomfortable and I'm starting to imagine how I'm going to have to act at work in future jobs. I guess I can't be "too nice"? Ugh.

[gayleggg]

I've had the same things happen to me. My husband says I am too friendly and that it comes across as flirting. He says I'm naive, too. I, however, don't see it that way, but I'm not a guy and they do think differently than we do, or so I'm told.

By the way, I am still friendly and if some take it as flirting that's their issue.

[Webgoji]

Because nothing is constant when it comes to women that's why. One woman says cat and that means "I like you and am flirting" another says cat and it means "I own a dog". Guys have to sit around and try to interpret what women really mean because there's no consistency. It's all feelings and mood and temperament and alignment of the moon with Jupiter and ...

Just like your grocery store encounter. Long time advice has been that men should meet women at the grocery store.
How to Meet Women at the Grocery Store | Dating Tips - Match.com

But that's not true every time is it? So now it falls to interpretation. We're back to the old guessing game. Is she flirting? Maybe she isn't. I'll have to try to be sure.

So to sum up. Why do guys think being nice is flirting? Because they aren't sure and sometimes being nice does mean flirting.

[gayleggg]

Webgoji, I think you probably summed it up very well. Thanks so much.

If a guy thinks I'm flirting and that makes him feel good then it's okay with me. All I want to do is spread a little sunshine.

[avlady]

you're just a nice guy!!!!so hard to find!!!i wish i knew you

Because most men think about sex 24 hours a day , at least the ones I know

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

Because most men think about sex 24 hours a day , at least the ones I know

Actually, in general men think about sex about as often as they do food or sleep. The median number of thoughts by this study showed about once per hour (18.6 times per day) as opposed to once every couple hours for women (9.9 times per day). So the myth that men think about sex constantly is really just a that; a myth. There are extremes on both ends for both men and women up to hundreds of thoughts per day or as low as 1 or less.

How Often Do Men and Women Think about Sex? | Psychology Today

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Actually, in general men think about sex about as often as they do food or sleep. The median number of thoughts by this study showed about once per hour (18.6 times per day) as opposed to once every couple hours for women (9.9 times per day). So the myth that men think about sex constantly is really just a that; a myth. There are extremes on both ends for both men and women up to hundreds of thoughts per day or as low as 1 or less.

How Often Do Men and Women Think about Sex? | Psychology Today

Like I said it's men that I know who have told me they think about sex 24 hours a day .
Not talking about some research paper

[CosmicRose]

I get it. I would just like to be able to go grocery shopping and be able to smile at a stranger without being practically harassed and made to feel uncomfortable after I turn them down for asking to take me on a date. If a woman is interested in a man, she will make it very obvious, we aren't mysterious creatures like guys seem to think we are. I should be able to smile at random people without someone saying, "Aye girl can I getcho number? Aww why not? Aww you're just playin' hard to get, where's your boyfriend? I don't see him, naw haha naw."
I was once literally followed out of the mall to my car by a man who couldn't take a hint.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

I guess I can't be "too nice"? Ugh.

It's not good to act "too familiar." That's not what you intend, I realize. But, if you keep getting this consistent feedback, then you have to learn from it and accept that how you are coming across is not what you intend and you need to make a change.

When you are around strangers, keep this in mind. You don't know those whom you don't know. There are all kinds of weirdos and creeps and every kind of criminal walking in the world around you. Stop trying to feel all warm and fuzzy toward strangers indiscriminately. You don't know what they are about. Some of these people are possibly even a little afraid for your sake because this smiling at strangers could get you noticed by some very bad person.

[Open Eyes]

Sounds like you are nice and other people just get hopeful.

[guilloche]

It's hard, isn't it? My first thought was along the lines of what Open Eyes said... I was wondering if these guys don't "think you're flirting" but instead "hope you're flirting". Like, you seem friendly and open and approachable, so whether or not you're flirting, of course they're going to "go for it".

But omg - that doesn't account for weirdos following you through the parking lot, or criticizing you for not giving them your number.

You could always try my line, "I'm so sorry, my therapist thinks that I shouldn't be dating right now. Thanks though!" (No, I don't really ever say that...!)

Anyway, I'm sorry - I don't get this alot anymore (I'm older now!) but I know what you mean, unwanted romantic attention when you're simply trying to be a decent human can be scary and overwhelming. And I agree that as much as it *sucks*, you may need to rethink your "friendliness" towards people you don't know... to avoid sending off the wrong signs. Sorry...

[Rose76]

Save your smiles for little kids and the elderly.

[CosmicRose]

I rarely smile at anyone anyway, and that's literally all I did, was smile. It sucks our society is this way, it shouldn't be a big deal to smile at someone. I don't mean a wink and a smile, I mean a small smile while passing someone. Lol

[Bill3]

I was once literally followed out of the mall to my car by a man who couldn't take a hint.

This scares me, I would not want you to be alone in a parking lot with a man who is behaving weirdly or badly. If someone were to follow you like that again, please ask security for help in separating from the unwelcome person before you leave the mall.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

it shouldn't be a big deal to smile at someone.

It isn't. You just have to pick your spots more judiciously. Stop smiling at the horny young guys. It's dangerous.

guilloche Quote

You could always try my line, "I'm so sorry, my therapist thinks that I shouldn't be dating right now. Thanks though!"




I love that line ...

or

I just got of prison need time alone ...