Hopeless, helpless, cant handle it anymore!

Hi my name is Janet. My husband and i have been married for 9yrs now. WE are Happily married unless few problems doesnt rise up; those few problems is been eating our marriage up for years.
i been going through so much in my life, coming to an emotional break down. i lost my job due to injury, i had three miscarriages. and top of it i am not my husbands priority when it comes to his parents. He wants to show how good his parents are infront of me. he support them in a blink of an eye when i say something they did to me. but he never support me when they say something to hurt me.
1st. He supports me if its friends or other people who hurts me. Honestly with God my witness i can say in this 9yrs i have never said or did anything knowingly to hurt his parents. Usually the conversation happens through the phone. His parents say things that hurt me. He basically ignores the fact that they said anything. and ignores talking with me when he sees me upset. He thinks the problem will go away if we dont talk about it.
Few situations, husbands parents never blame him , they blame me for everything. They blame me that i am not forcing their son to call them, and their son doesn't talk to them for hrs like he used to and asking me why is that; i told them i dont know. recently his father said i am nothing and noone compared to my friends and family cause they all have kids and good house. and they tell my husband to look at his cousin's wife she is so nice. and my husband sit there and listen to everything they say and not say anything back. I want my husband and his parents to have a good relationship i want to have a good relationship with them. it hurts every time when my husband doesn't support me.
2nd, His mom babies him. she sometimes talk to him like how people talk to a baby. she ask him for how much money he made, how much is in the bank account. she tells him when he have enough money he have to buy a house for her in her name. she already have a huge house where she and his father live. everytime he doesnt call her she say to him " you should never forget what all i went through to bring you up as a child" . when i ask my husband what all things she went through. he says things just every mother goes through. honestly after hearing it my mother went through triple problems than what she went through.
When we go to their house i feel like an outside, she call him to their room close the door and sit there and talk. Sometime when i am not sitting with them in the living room, he tells his mother to say things quietly so that i dont hear it. Other times, She comes and ask my husband to give her money so she can give to other people like he is her husband; he just take it and give to her without asking or telling me.
i am so tired of being blamed for things i dont do. i am emotionally strained everyday. my miscarriages are taking atoll on me. i feel helpless
i feel like i am not his priority when it comes to his parent. even if i get hurt he doesnt want his parents to feel hurt.
His reason for not speaking up for me is that, he says he is so reserved and he dosent talk to anyone negatively, he never said anything against his parent all his life. But if its his friends or other people he supports me. But i dont have any issues with my friends or other people, once in a blue moon you can say, they all treat me with respect and treat me good.

I'm sorry I can't vote in your poll as I look at this situation from a different direction.

I think you need to find a Therapist for yourself. You need help with this mess his parents and him are causing you and also for the losses you have suffered. Im very sorry, I know how hard that is.

I also would advise you and him to go to couples Therapy. He might not be thrilled with the idea but, push may quickly come to shove if he doesn't start taking responsibility of his part of the problems. You just need to make it very clear that this is a priority for you.

Have you ever sat down with his parents are asked them what the problem(s) is? I know that not always an option, but wanted to toss that out there.

Meanwhile.. Just do not have contact with them, no need to go see them , no need to answer the phone when they call. If your husband calls or sees them or not is not your problem right now.. I say if he does go see them , take that time you will have and treat yourself to something.. manicure? favorite food? go see a movie? anything.

If you husband just refuses to budge on fixing this situation then you will need to decide how much you are willing to put up with. You seeing a Therapist is going to help you see things clearer and you will find out just what you can and will deal with and what you wont..

He needs to "learn" he can still love his parents while stepping up and being the man that respects and loves you. Maybe he honestly doesn't know "how" to do it.

Hope this helps somehow.

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Welcome to PC

Thank you Christina, really appreciate your reply..

I'm sorry. This relationship is emotionally draining. Be fearless remember if the world doesn't care about you God does. He will never leave you. Put your faith in him and move ahead in life huggggggsssssssssssss