[Kingsofleon]

Hello there.

I have come to write about the relationship between my boyfriend and I and the stress that aspects of this and other areas of life cause me.

I am only 20 years old and so is my boyfriend and we have been together for a year now although I have known him for 5 years. Before we were together we both had separate relationships but were friends but something was always there between us. Eventually he split up with his girlfriend and a year later I did with my boyfriend. During this time we started to speak again and finally started seeing each other. Whilst we were seeing each other my now boyfriend went out and kissed another girl and somebody told me. At the time I was very upset but eventually dismissed it as we were not official, but to me it was still hurtful. Plus he has had a lot of sexual partners which goes through me since he said he did it because he was upset that I was still with my ex boyfriend and he wanted me and it upset him.

Now over a year later he is the most caring person I have ever met and will do anything for me, but if anything happens even a little argument then everything in the past just comes back to me and winds me up and I can't let go of it.

To make matters worse I've moved to another city for University and I dislike living there which puts even more pressure on me, causing me to be unhappy about everything

Also this new year one of my boyfriend's exes became friends with his friends because she is friends with one of my boyfriend's friend's girlfriend if that makes sense? So they all stayed over at their big house where my boyfriend lives and he didn't stay there because she was there which makes me feel even worse because they've now made friends with her and they barely make effort with me.

Everything is adding up and causing me great stress and it's affecting my boyfriend and I up to the point where all these little things are making me start to dislike him when I really do love him. His ex becoming friends with his friends isn't his fault but still makes me feel horrid about myself and I hate the thought that she will become good friends with them all. His friends are immature and wouldn't see that it makes us feel uncomfortable.

We have both become that stressed about things that have eaten away at me that we can barely act normal anymore but I want it to be

How can I help myself?

Can I also add that the stress has made me prone to panic attacks and all sorts. I feel like I am going crazy

It is also giving me panic attacks all this stress

Hello Kingsofleon: Welcome to PsychCentral. PC is a great place to gain support, learn strategies for handling mental health concerns, & to make internet friends. There are many wonderfully supportive members here on PsychCentral. A couple of forums in particular you may want to check out include:

Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central

Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central

All new members' first 5 posts are reviewed before they become available for viewing by the community. So there may be a delay between the time that you submit your first 5 posts & the point at which they become available for viewing. However, once these initial posts have been reviewed & approved, your posts will become available for viewing as soon as you click the submit button.

There are quite a few forums in which you will be able to post. If you have not already done so, be sure to look through the listing in the Forum Index:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/

Each forum is listed in the Index along with a brief description of it's purpose.

Also, once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved, you will be able to participate in our chat rooms where you'll have the opportunity to correspond with other PC members in real time. These chat rooms are listed on the community calendar showing the dates & times they meet:

Forums at Psych Central - Calendar

Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact any member of the Community Liaison Team. Best wishes...

[~Christina]

Your both young and have a past with other people..

I can understand your concerns and being worried because he did "in the past" kiss a girl.. You said you eventually dismissed it? Well you didn't, not 100% as your mind flips back to that any time you get insecure.. And hey its okay I think most everyone has felt and done the same, really. But it has to change.

How to move forward and stop the constant worry about him being loyal and faithful ? You and him need to sit down and have a talk about your relationship what you want and need and what you can't and won't.. It's really not fair to hold that kiss over his head, that's just going to cause resentment on his part and rightfully so, if tables were turned you would feel the same.

Since all this is actually causing you physical problems you need to just get over the past incident, I mean he knows he did wrong, time to put that outta your mind... You are going to have to trust him 100% not 99% all the way or nothing. How is your relationship ever going to work and grow if you can't trust and believe in him ?

Everyone has fears of being hurt by someone you love.. But if your always worried about what "might" happen, you are going to miss all the good things you have with him.

This trust is a two way street , he is also going to have to trust you while your away at University.

If you just can't let it go and move forward, I would advise you to talk to a therapist about how to move forward.

You have to have trust in a relationship, if you don't that relationship is doomed.

Good luck and Welcome to PC