[tillytot42]

Hi there am hoping someone can give me a fresh perspective. I have huge problems with boundaries. I've had counselling and it helps for a while then things worsen again. Basically I get very very overwhelmed by people,worse since having fibromyalgia. I've not had a partner for about six years ( have had two traumatic marriages) but I'm also struggling with friendships. I seem to attract people who want to dump all their problems on me and I just can't seem to say no. I had a 6 month period last year where I stepped back from friends as I was really struggling. I lost my best friend when I decided not to run around after her anymore. I've now made friends with another lady with the same illness and already I am being sucked in again. I am literally panicking. My fibro is a lot worse and I feel like crying all the time. It feels like I can only be friends with people as long as I sit and listen to them. My last counsellor was trying to teach me how to stop this but we didn't have enough time really. Don't get me wrong I do like listening to people and I'm finding that I am actively encouraging it but my body doesn't,not in the slightest. Perhaps I'm just better staying indoors just doing my own thing. I do however have a pretty good relationship with my son and daughter,they are 15 and 18 so I know I can do it. My relationship with the rest of my family has been chaotic,especially my mum who has now passed away,leaving me now wanting to lead a calmer life after a lone period of chaos. I really need to work out my boundaries again!

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi tillytot42

I'm sorry that you feel this way and I'm sorry that the relationship with the rest of your family has been chaotic.

I tend to attract people who are going through issues of their own. And I'm going through issues of my own too. I find listening to them, but at the same time talking about what I'm going through too helps. If they do a runner because I'm sharing my burden and they're sharing theirs - well, they weren't my friend to begin with.

Allow your new friend to be a shoulder to cry on and support you too as you support her.

[Artchic528]

Hmmm...what's the point of making connections and friendships anyway? I mean...you'll just grow apart anyway....stop talking....grow distant....I gave up on a friendship or two because of that.....if they don't want to talk to me....who am I to go against their wishes?

I'm sorry, I'm....not in the right mindset to offer anything positive right now....I can offer a hug, but it will be distant, I'm afraid....I have issues with trusting anyone...mostly because I've been too open and trusting in the past and had that trust betrayed....over and over again. I'm so done with people.....maybe one or two are good.....but......the rest are just a plain disgrace...

[hvert]

I noticed the same tendency in myself. What I have found helpful lately is to be hyperselective about my friendships. It is easier for me to say no before I get to know someone.

I think a lot of this also has to do with how *we* act. I tend to be a wallflower and a bit passive in new social situations. I'm more careful now about holding up my end of the conversation.