[aussj4link]

Hi all. I made an account here in the hope that someone could help me with a great deal of pain and fear I've been in in the past week. My girlfriend of a little over 2 years is leaving me. At some point in our relationship I became completely, 100% attached and committed to her and her children. I even though of myself as a father and so did she, at least she told me so.

Now I'm waiting for my sister to help me get back to my hometown tomorrow. As I have no where else to go, I'm still here with her. 4 days ago she got up early, wrote a letter breaking up with me and then took the kids to her mothers and let me wake to find the letter. I was completely unprepared for it and the empty house only made things far far worse. After several calls to her mother's, she answered and I managed to convince her to come back and talk to me for a bit. She explained that she was leaving me because of my failure to get jobs after we moved here. I tried to explain that I was trying and I was very confident I would have one within a couple of days, but she would hear none of it. Her mind was set.

After a very brief, straight forward conversation, she was gone again, back at her mother's with me alone and unable to talk to anyone. After the loneliness and fear became sanity threatening, I managed to get her attention on Facebook and asked her to please come back and that I knew she was leaving and there was nothing I could do to stop it, that I only wanted to not be alone in the empty silent house. She came back that night with the kids and ever since I have done my best not to push her away so that while I'm here, I'm not alone.

That night we slept in the same bed. I knew it would be different, but I was much better knowing I wasn't alone in that bed. That's when I woke several times during the night in a panic, convinced that she had left me again. When she got up, I did too. That's when I started having these episodes where breathing became intensely difficult and I felt very dizzy as well as anxious. She told me they were panic attacks and to just stop. I found it nearly impossible to not only stop, but also not stop my crying. As cliched as it is, I have lost all will to eat or drink, I do them now only because I know I must.

She hasn't cried once. Her behavior hasn't changed in the slightest either. She does everything the same while I have lost all will to do anything I enjoy. I was working on a book I've been writing for some time now. Now, I spend every bit of time that I can with her. I know she won't take me back, but the only thing that has dulled the pain has been spending time with her. We play chess and cards, watch movies and shows, listen to music. She almost acts as if nothing has happened. As if I was just another tool she used and is now done with.

After a bit of Google searching, I found that what I'm experiencing comes closest to the fear of abandonment. Which is why I have been panicking when sleeping and having attacks when she leaves to do simple errands. I now fear sleep, or rather, the side effects of sleep. Each night has proven to be a hell of fragmented panic and sad realization that I've lost the most precious thing I have ever had. Regret seems to consume me more and more each day. It's funny, as much as I prided myself on noticing things, it turns out that I failed to notice the most important thing I've ever had.

When we first got together, I would express my concerns about her possibly leaving me one day. She would always tell me “You're not getting rid of me.” After a while, I believed her completely, and as a result, I took her for granted. I'm now paying the price. I didn't take looking for work as seriously as I should have.

I'm hoping that I might find help as I don't want to sleep tonight. When I have to sleep in an empty bed, I fear I may lose my mind completely. I hope this post wasn't too long that no one read. Please, any help or advice is welcome and appreciated. Thank you for reading.

[kaliope]

i am sorry that you are experiencing so much anxiety. it seems she really still cares about you that she came back so that you didnt have to be alone. unfortunately this doesnt do much for you in the long run. as a woman, i do not imagine that her insides match her outsides. i imagine this was a very difficult decision for her. when a partner does not get a job, and it is a womans sole responsibility to support the family for so long, she becomes resentful. i imagine she finally reached her breaking point. and then stating that you could get one in a few days is hurtful because if it was that easy, what prevented getting a job all along? again, this is unfortunate, but it seems that you have learned a lot from this experience. take care.

I would say stick it out you said you might have a job in a few days , so take the job and prove to her that you can support her and the kids .
If you pack up and leave then your giving up ..

If you stayed and got the job and she sees you have a job she will come back .
She is testing you to see if you will change and get a job .
U will regret if you give up , there is still hope

[aussj4link]

Originally Posted by kaliope

i am sorry that you are experiencing so much anxiety. it seems she really still cares about you that she came back so that you didnt have to be alone. unfortunately this doesnt do much for you in the long run. as a woman, i do not imagine that her insides match her outsides. i imagine this was a very difficult decision for her. when a partner does not get a job, and it is a womans sole responsibility to support the family for so long, she becomes resentful. i imagine she finally reached her breaking point. and then stating that you could get one in a few days is hurtful because if it was that easy, what prevented getting a job all along? again, this is unfortunate, but it seems that you have learned a lot from this experience. take care.

Actually she didn't have a job either. She insisted that if I didn't get a job that she would move in with her parents. Also, she did really support us at any time. This place isn't anything like where I'm from and as a result I had no idea the best locations for jobs and what not. Though if she had given me the chance, I would have bugged people like crazy until they gave me a job just to shut me up.

Originally Posted by Nature1968

I would say stick it out you said you might have a job in a few days , so take the job and prove to her that you can support her and the kids .
If you pack up and leave then your giving up ..

If you stayed and got the job and she sees you have a job she will come back .
She is testing you to see if you will change and get a job .
U will regret if you give up , there is still hope

I wish that were true, but she made it clear that if I wasn't gone by weeks end that she would move in with her parents. Anytime I tried to bring up the subject she immediately threatened to leave me alone again. I wasn't willing to risk that pain again. Now, I'm grabbing what I can and will be leaving tonight when my sister gets here. It feels like this whole section of my life was for nothing. I was given candy so that I could feel the pain of it being taken away.