[arnie91]

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now. He suffers from depression and has anxiety. With that I find he is distant at times, but mostly we are very close. We are taking things slow, He has met my family, but I haven't met his. He had a bad breakup previously and it devastated his family. Now he is nervous to bring someone new into his family. I have been understanding of this and don't mind taking things slow in that aspect because he has explained the importance to me. At the same time, I don't know if I am doing the right thing waiting and NOT pushing at all. I try to take baby steps to move our relationship forward but I'm not always good at it, and I'm worried he will get comfortable with the stage we are at, which I obviously want it to progress much further. I have thoughts of marriage with him and don't want to waste my time if he is never going to move forward with me. He does take some baby steps, like he is letting me meet more and more of his friends all the time, and he talks to me a lot more these days about EVERYTHING he's doing which is nice. But I just worry, because it's been a year and it is important to me to meet his family someday. He knows that is what I want and we both agree that we wouldn't be dating if we didn't see a future with each other. I know his anxiety has a bit of play in the fact that he hasn't brought me home yet due to his previous breakup and he's worried if we breakup it will happen again. I guess I just want to know if anyone has experience with someone who has anxiety if it is better for me to continue down the baby step path I am taking, or if I should be pushing for what I want now. I don't want to push too hard and scare him away because it's too much for him to handle right now, but I also don't want to wait forever for something that doesn't end up happening. This may be an unanswerable question, because ultimately I have to make my own decisions, but anyone with any advice would sure help. Thanks!

It dose seem odd if you been dating him over a year and you have not met his family at all ?
What about christmas time or birthdays he sees them without you ?

[arnie91]

We don't live together or anything, we are actually about an hour apart. For his birthday he didn't really do anything, and for Christmas we both had things planned with our separate families.

Has he talked about marriage at all or live in together for the future or is he happy the way things are and plans to keep it that way ?

[arnie91]

We had a very serious conversation that we both want to get married one day and we wouldn't be wasting time on each other if we didn't think it was a possibility with us. He just always holds back because his job takes him away a lot, and his previous relationship he said was like a divorce for the family when it ended and now he's not wanting to bring anyone home until he is SURE he will marry them. And he is not wanting to waste time on someone he knows he won't marry. But it's just that he's not 100% sure I'm the one. He hopes I am, and I hope I am, but marriage is a big thing, and who knows, maybe in another year we will be sick of eachother (I highly doubt it because we were good friends before we started dating), but I myself can't say I am 100%. But I think differently. I am willing to take the risks of getting hurt because I love him so much. He loves me, but doesn't want to move things too fast because he doesn't want to hurt me, himself, or his family if things didn't end up working out. If you ask me he is thinking way too much about it, but he made himself a promise to only bring one more girl home and he just wants it to be right. So I am being patient because everything we've gone through so far has pointed to us being together, he just needs that time. He gets so anxious thinking about what would happen if things didn't work out. Always looking at the negative. It's somewhat hard to explain, because it's not that we aren't close, we are very close. He just has a lot of fears.

It sounds to me he is afraid that his family and his friends ( who you have not met yet ) wont like you as much as they liked his ex .
I think that is causing the fear ..

I just hope you don't get hurt by waiting for him if he is not 100% sure if you are the one , and I think when he said that to you it kind of made you rethink am I wasting my time with him ?

You might have to wait another year , don't know if he had said you are the one then it would be sooner .

[Bill3]

He loves me, but doesn't want to move things too fast because he doesn't want to hurt me, himself, or his family if things didn't end up working out.

He is hurting you right now by keeping you away from his family.

he made himself a promise to only bring one more girl home and he just wants it to be right.

How long are you willing to wait?