[Knick123]

Hello,

I never really felt secure in this relationship due to her sexual past. Beautiful girl but had 36 partners by the age of 22 and started at age 14. Before knowing this we fell madly in love with each other and everything was glorious but soon as time went on the questions started to be asked and it devastated me that her past was so much. Soon it poisoned the relationship and I thought about it daily and would constantly make her feel guilty for her decisions growing up. Worst of it all I knew a lot of the people and some of them were friends growing up. Knowing that the relationship drove me away from everybody I knew because I was so ashamed to have her as a girlfriend but I was so madly in love with her that I couldn't let her go. As time went on I would constantly ask for details not wanting to know but wanting to and she would be honest for the most part. I soon found my self constantly wanting to hurt her by sleeping with other people and lying to her about them so I could have some sort of edge on her but it never solved the insecurity factor. I constantly felt I was not enough for her sexually and every day it was an issue. As time went on i would ask about situations and instead of being honest she began to lie about things and she would promise to my face knowing she was lying. That added a whole new issue on top of my insecurities was that she could have been lying to me about multiple things and thats when it spiraled out of control. The insecurities brought up by her past and then the lying killed the relationship and we separated. Now that we are apart I figured it would be time to beef up my history of people Ive slept with in hopes that it will never feel that insecure again in a relationship. After some people I still feel insecure and I found my self running back to her. Ive come to terms that Im most likely going to marry this girl because we both just can't live with out e.o. We are on a separation/break and I'm hoping to find a way to get past these issues so we may be happy one day.

[gayleggg]

Sleeping with a lot of people will not make you even. It will only drive the wedge wider. You need to figure out if you can forgive her. If not, you need to let her go so she can find someone to love her as she is. No matter how sorry she is about her past it can't change facts. It doesn't make her less of a person because she slept with many men. People change and regret past mistakes and they should not have to feel guilty for the rest of their lives because they made some mistakes.

This is sensitive to me because I am like your girlfriend. I made a lot of bad choices and was punished by my ex-husband for years and made to feel less than. Even after I left him I made mistakes, but my current husband understands that the past is the past and needs to stay there.

I hope you can work this out. You sound like a really sensitive guy. Remember she has feelings too. Let her grow from her past. It doesn't make you less of a man, nor does it mean she will make the same mistakes again.

[divine1966]

36 partners in only 8 years is crazy. Make sure she is tested for HIV and STD. Saying all that I had a lot of partners well not 36 in 8 years but I had more than average woman. I am 49 and was single most of my life. I am a good person with good heart am not promiscuous or immoral I made some bad relationship choices and many of them I regret. When I was young I had sex often because I wanted to keep a man or was afraid to be alone. It doesn't make me a bad person. If you love her and she is a good person then don't let her past bother you now, past is just that: past

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[A Red Panda]

Her past is her past. She can't change it. Nothing she can do could make it better for you.

And by punishing her you're only hurting her more. I'm not surprised she eventually started lying to you as she watched her honesty making things worse.

She chose to be with you. That is the most that she can give you.

[unaluna]

Idk, an average of 4 partners a year when you are young doesnt sound that weird to me. I dont like calling them mistakes. They were choices a person made.

But your insecurities are within yourself, not another person's past. You are building yourself up by beating her down - what kind of deal is that? Its not very loving.

[toolman65]

You can not sleep with enough people to change her past. Unless she was raped, it was her life, her choice, her body.

I think the bigger issue here is the lying.

She lies because she doesn't trust you to accept her and her past.

You don't trust her because she lies.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Unless you both love a lifetime of drama, tension and fighting, consider going separate ways.

[hannabee]

Sorry, but I don't get how her past makes you insecure??? She chose YOU! Double standard if you ask me and really not fair to her.

[Rose76]

I agree with hankster that your insecurities are not caused by you knowing about her past. You are just insecure. If she has been faithful to you in this relationship and not running around on the side, then there is nothing she needs forgiveness for. She made a mistake giving you so much information, but it seems her past is known in the circles you guys travel in, so I suppose it had to be talked about.

It sounds like you're in love with each other. That is what is relevant to now. Stop being ashamed of having her for a girlfriend. Be proud that she is overcoming a pattern that was probably very unhealthy for herself. Meeting you seems to have changed her life in a very positive way. You can be proud of that.

If the two of you decide to stay together, then you both need to close the door on her past history. She needs to wise up and stop giving you details that you do not need to hear. That is not being "honest," but just silly and stupid. It sounds like her teenage years were very troubled, and she deserves credit for growing past the pattern that she was in . . . . if that's what she has done.

You running around jumping into beds to try and even some score sounds a lot nastier to me than the fact that she had a troubled past. It's good to want to understand your partner. In that sense, try to find out what was so negative in her years from 14 to 22 that had her that desperate for a form of attention that was could not possibly have been very satisfying.

Really, the main question now is: do you deserve her?

[Trippin2.0]

This is proof that too much of anything is bad for you.

Even honesty.


I've never once had a conversation that entailed exchanging names and numbers of past sexual activity. I don't even know why someone will start such a topic of conversation or how.


I'm the extremely empathetic type, I can easily put myself in the shoes of another, but I honestly cannot for the life of me understand people who broach this topic....


Of what relevance is it????


And truth be told, its ALWAYS the insecure ones who spark these convos, so sounds extremely masochistic to me actually.


Not once have I heard positive results stem from a conversation such as this.


The girl's gone, leave her that way, stop running back to someone you can't stand to stay with, its cruel and immature.


Ps. Learn from your mistakes, you now know for certain what not to do with your next GF.