[Yismymindblank12]

This is a human thing, I find it kinda weird. I don't want to cope with it, but I rather accept it the way it is. Like the main thing I don't like dating one person, is not that I feel trapped. I don't feel ready to settle yet. I don't want to get into a relationship and feel like this girl is my backup. I'm not like that, but it's hard to decide how I go about this in today's society. I know this sounds weird coming from me. I've not cheated, and don't like the thought of it or wanted to do it on my previous relationships. I play the gentleman, but I prefer being quiet and reserved, at the same time I'm also going through a transition of deciding of being a woman through my process with that.

Who I always wanted to be is a woman who likes other women, and all I really want is to explore my sexuality more. That's all.. I figured if I settled down which I won't, but I mean having to stick with one person isn't all that bad, but I don't feel ready to do that, because I want to do all I want to do and still after settling down with someone who is accepting and embraces me in my sexuality knowing I didn't choose this person out of lust or that they accept my sexuality and agree upon it not shaming me.

I won't shame her, I don't care. Like that's just you, it's how your body works and it's what you like so I'm not against it or act stupid about it. I am fair and rather things to be equal for me to be emotionally intimate with the person I want to settle down with, I really want to commit to only someone who not only accepts me and wants me in their life, and I do too easily. That when things are rough we are both grown up to handle it head on. Also, that if I like more than one person is that I chose this individual over all of them, because they gave me this freedom, and I have for them, but that's not the real reason I'm with them other than that, I like them as the person they are less than what they do, what they like, what we agree disagree, and anything else. The whole package matters to me.

I took a very critical look at the things people don't understand, like people think that when I say I like one more than one person in a relationship seems uncommon, I call bs completely to anyone who thinks like that and truly believes that everyone is born monogamous.

I mean I do like it a lot, I want it to fit the way I feel most comfortable whether it's qualities I don't like in others and we cancel out or we naturally very close I don't rush anymore rather just stop and not bother talking. More or less, I like people who are more open minded and outgoing. I'm not particular on looks, as long as I'm physically attracted it doesn't matter.

I am used to assuming, and I don't like doing it, just from people who didn't understand assume. I am not going to be fair and say, like I should date all these people at different times and like all these people, having all these side chicks while I'm dating the girl I like the "most". When in actuality, I don't like having a bunch of girls, I'm not really the ladies man. I feel my lack in confidence did hurt me on that one, but it doesn't mean I can't do it well. I just don't do well talking with people who are ignorant no matter who they are. They are a brick wall, so my point in that was saying. If I liked 5 different girls I like to date, be intimate friends either through sex or just talking cuddling and no sex at all. I think it's ok, if I was dating someone, the other person have the same freedoms. I can't say a word, I won't say a word.

That puts people off because it scares them. I can see their point, but it's just how I am. I'm different it's put me in a minority. People that were friends with me used to put my child sexual abuse to blame and my previous therapists that I'm like this. I'm somewhat kinky most of the time when I want to be. I'm not really caring about it whatsoever.
They assume I just want to get laid more, and yes I do, but I don't want to date someone and feel sexually trapped again. Sorry not doing it again. I was in the closet so many years all my life, I'm not going back.

But naturally this girl I like seems to be a good fit. I wanted to be on point so it wouldn't be moved that. I have a current developing relationship with this girl. Who is very sweet, I'm not letting her go and I've made more of an effort to be myself now because she's given me room to feel comfortable to do so. I feel this is going to be a long lasting trend of our trust to each other. I've done the same with her no problem. I find this is going somewhere, sadly, my insecurities from past mistakes and feeling closeted might hold me back later, I think I should work my way slowly before getting to things like that. I do have a great game plan, but it does bother me. I would like to see that it gets to a point of comfortable that we aren't afraid to be ourselves as weird as we are. At the same time, I like to be in the middle. I like to be overly affectionate one minute and the next kinda not so much. That balance is much better. I hated it before when it was all of sex when I wanted a relationship, if she just wanted me as a friends with benefits she could of left it as that and I would gladly take that upon, but no I dated girls who hid the fact that they are so sexually repressed and don't understand much about how they shouldn't care what others think about them in that regard when they are in a mutual consensual thing. Instead of looking as in, I'm having sex with a lot of dudes I hope I'm not a *****, and yeah before I go any further let me clarify.

I find it horrible that pressures from men, the society, and the media really did a lot damage on the girls I dated. I mean they are victims in some way, but they were very abusive to me and took their aggression out on me instead of being honest with themselves and told me the truth how they wanted it to go, but I didn't know any better either. I think I was just learning myself. So there isn't anyone to blame so I'm not blaming anyone.

Ok, that I really had a tough time coming out as trans and bi, because of these girls did slut shame me a lot, even though what they did would draw the same attention onto them. They had sex for all the wrong reasons and it damaged me the most in some and others both of us.

It's a tricky thing, but I figured it out. It starts from me, but I find that me being very different and knowing how far my kink well goes to. It's very hard to find anyone who is worth bothering to date, or even have a casual friendship without one girl not making her intentions clear.

I figure I have a very hard time, drawing the line when to make my intentions clear or play hard to get game. Like I like to do it at the same time, but I think my honesty has served me well and hurt me more.

I don't know. This is a communication issue.

[curley]

Hi YisMy. I read your post and sorry, it was a little difficult to understand. I really think I got the just of it. If not, you will know that I didn't by what I suggest.
You made the comment that you wanted to be a woman that likes other woman. Ok that is fine. but the rest of your post made me believe you are a man. So. If you are a woman and you are interested in woman.....explore. I think you described yourself as confused about relationships and I believe you are afraid of settling! I think it is safe for me to assume you are young.
Sexuality....relationships....etc. are confusing even for those of us who know if we want a man or a woman.
Just because you go out with someone does not mean there is a commitment. If you see someone for an extended period or spend a lot of time together, it would be wise to let that person know that you are not into anything serious. That you just want tot enjoy their company. For your own sake as well as theirs don't try to make yourself feel something that you really don't feel. I hope that makes sense.
When you find someone that you want to be with, that you feel a real connection with you will know it! Do not rush! Don't let anyone make you feel pushed, or guilty or anything like that.
Always be true to your own heart and be honest with others and you will find what you want. Good Luck to you!

[Yismymindblank12]

I'm a guy. Not a girl. Clarifying.

[tallulahxoxo]

I think it's okay to do whatever you want as long as everyone involved knows what is going on. When you're honest with people, you give them the ability to make informed decisions.
There are a lot of people in the world into open relationships/polyamory, and all sorts of different sexual scenarios.. Monogamy is just one scenario.
So I think as long as there is open honest communication and consent, whatever you want to do is fine. (:
No matter what people will judge so you just gotta be comfortable with yourself..

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by SqrqhJean

I think it's okay to do whatever you want as long as everyone involved knows what is going on. When you're honest with people, you give them the ability to make informed decisions.
There are a lot of people in the world into open relationships/polyamory, and all sorts of different sexual scenarios.. Monogamy is just one scenario.
So I think as long as there is open honest communication and consent, whatever you want to do is fine. (:
No matter what people will judge so you just gotta be comfortable with yourself..

Like I hope to build up that, this girl and I am going to see friday. That we be closer bond as friends, that despite something that would seem like the stuff that make or break most younger relationships. Don't phase us, because we didn't put our love in superficial **** and sex. That I want her love as a close friend first, I'm not dating her yet because of that. I want to trust her before making that move. I am into open relationships, physically I think she maybe too, but I don't we'll see. I hope so, it sucks, everyone especially young people believe you're wrong and different if you want to have sex with other people in a relationship associating it to only wife beaters, neglectful husbands, and people who are players and cheaters. When that's not the truth at all for me, like I hate it being closeted by this.

I won't cheat, if I cheat I would know and make it very much a secret, but I'm an open book with everyone I dated even the girls I couldn't stand. I had a many temptations from the girls I dated who knew I was "Too nice" and they cheated on me first, because they were probably bored when I could of too, but chose not to. I used to take it more seriously, but now. I see the people who do that stuff and pretend to act like I should be mad and be codependent and abusive when I'm not, is crazy. Like girls like that need help mental help, young people, I mean people who don't get it between the ages of 14 to 40. Yes I mean 40, I mean you don't turn old after 40 you don't turn old period. I don't believe in that, I figure most people at that age figure life isn't worth getting angry over little things like the young people I describe.

The younger girls think, being clingy, obsessive and possessive is the only way to win a man's heart and that's what love is just as much as guys do. Guys are more possessive and obsessive by nature, but some can be clingy.

It bugs me, when I dated a girl who get mad at me, when I told her I want to be left alone, and she was always in my business. I didn't want her doing that it didn't feel like a relationship and I didn't learn at the time till then when to say no more I'm breaking up with you and stick to it.

I dated girls who hypocritically used me for all the sex they want and when
I didn't give it to them to fix their emotional and physical addictions to whatever afflictions plaguing their overly emotional life. They jump to the next guy behind my back and constantly lie to me and have sex with me more. People don't think that's ok, but rather find that the same category of what I mean.

That's just plain ignorance. I don't think anyone here understands what an open relationship is, better yet I don't want them to have em, because we don't want the ignorance to spread from people getting hurt from doing an open relationship not going in prepared.

See.. I want to be around this girl and I like this girl, she's super sweet and nice petite and goes out her way to be nice and kind to others even if she doesn't like them. She's a student at the college my sister goes to, but is like me in many qualities. I mean I find her to be the perfect friend for me and best friend potentially. We were on the same page and still are. I check up and communicate my feelings to make sure. I'm not being clingy after I find out I'm not leading myself to doing something stupid on accident or making something awkward I leave it alone and do my own thing. I love how this relationship is as it is, it feels simple. That's all I want is the emotional part to come first the validation and the security of having each other's back no matter what, dating or not.

When we do go out, it won't change much except we are physical at times and it just escalates. We are taking our time, because we have time. I had talked about it with her. I don't want kids a commitment or marriage I had crazy people just try to weigh me down with their negativity. All I want is a friend to not leave me. I had a lot of my friends leave me recently close male and female friends. We just got distant, I just want to feel loved and safe in that regard first.

Then after that foundation is down, I'm ready to get to my healing on my sexual issues of my past. She knows and loves and supports me for being transgendered and bisexual. She is bi herself. She always has the same freedoms to express her sexuality as much as I do, I won't shame her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way in what she feels. At the same time, I want the same respect in return. It just require lots of communication that will come later. I'm not in a rush. I just want this to work.

Like I want to have sex with other girls with and maybe without her, but not frequently. I don't want it even sometimes, just enough. Like 3 times a year maybe at the most. I don't want a build up or a feeling of weird anticipation that would require from me not freaking out. That I chose her, because she lets me do this and trusts me. I know this sounds very outside of the box, but there is a point to it. I was raped a lot as a kid, by someone I loved and trust. I just want to be healed in a way I know will work on the side including what I do now already of going to therapy and taking care of myself emotionally. I'm ok now, but I have insecurities and curiosity I want to rid, once I have the knowledge and experience of just I want to try for a couple times on some things and explore my sexuality. It doesn't stop there, at the same time, to make it work, it requires me to do the same for her which I can do. I think I've had enough happen to me and realize what's more important in life than sex alone..

I hope that last part makes sense. I know that would definitely help me more than I would know. I'm just excited for now, she's been such a great friend in my life now. I take it day by day. So I thought I make this all make more sense.

[Artchic528]

I don't believe in polygamy...I believe only one person can be loved at a time by any given person. That it's unfair to love more than one person.

But that's me.

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I don't believe in polygamy...I believe only one person can be loved at a time by any given person. That it's unfair to love more than one person.

But that's me.

I didn't talk about polygamy. Nor am I interested in it.

[niceguy]

im curious if you were raped by a male or female... if you don't mind me prying?

I don't think what you want is strange and if the other partner is into it, why not?

I think it's great if everyone can get what they want out of the relationship. If both people find happiness, and are aware of what's going on - who cares. Honesty is key with any relationship that has a chance for endurance.

Regardless - enjoy the high of having someone there who really gets you. That's like one in a million....

[Yismymindblank12]

male and what hurt the most the only people who believed me were a few school teachers, the local police, and my 2nd therapist. My first one thought I was lying, after the evidence deemed to be otherwise. They didn't have any evidence directly to my perpetrator who was my next door neighbor. He was very abusive and beat me a lot and told me how I can't amount to him and to get to his level he has to beat me up because he cares. That was basically what his point of control was through fear and pushing around as his little punching bag. He was 12 I was four his father beat him all the time and I thought he was my very first best friend. He was using me to take his aggression out on me.

It took me a year to say it publicly in class when the good touch bad touch people came in around 1999. At that time, people were so ignorant and didn't believe me at least the authorities and child protective services did take it seriously. My parents found out picked me up from school and the police about 12 cars came to my house and some lady interviewing me if it was my parents or a relative. I said no, and I remember the fear I still had of afterwards feeling that he will kill me for sure and my family. He was given a restraining order and if he was a 100 yards from me which he couldn't avoid living next door, because I liked him as a friend and was very confused feeling I lost someone close but at the same time so scared. So he was kicked out of his school and house he was in middle school I just started 1st grade I came out in that september of that year.

What made it so truamitizing to this day everyone persecuted me and made my life hell. I got in lots of fights everyone calling me a "fag", "cry baby" "*****" "rapist" "*****" mainly, because the guy who was my perpetrator still had control on the situation. His parents started these lies and rumors to cover his actions and to make it seem he is a perfect child with straight A's and our parenting skills are amazing and our perfect son getting a football scholarship won't ever do such a thing. That my parents were thieves and liars and I'm not even making this up we have plenty of photos of me having bday parties my parents spent probably 300 dollars including reserving the venue for my 8th bday. No one showed up except 3 people and one kid was paid to do it.

I had my early life been exposed to that and then people persecuting furthering my current issues.
On top of many things that I didn't say in here that would be too long to explain. I got raped by two other people 2 more times for similar reasons. I was too naive and trusted people way too quickly and easy.
I still have this problem. In my social interactions with people. I unintentionally come off as clingy for some others, weird, others the best person they've ever met. I don't really hide my intentions and that's hurt me a lot.

My situation is unique, my therapist current one I had to explain as a child when I said everyone hates me no one loves me, wasn't perceived. It was my childhood, it definitely felt like it when parents and young kids in a whole community shunned you for your own struggle. I wanted to attempt suicide around 8. I think I did at 7 years old, but backed out. Then I did again around when I was 15 to 17 years old.

I think I wanted to burn or hang myself when I was 7 I don't remember on that exactly.

Since then, my trust is non existent with anyone and it takes a lot out of me to make myself trust someone. Eventually when I can, it's amazing, but I fear of it being too slow even though she is a very sweet girl.

Sex and body images have been the hardest parts about being me, at the same time.

[Yismymindblank12]

The thing that scares me about sex, isn't the act of it. I have plenty of confidence in myself, but some of my fetishes as a side effect from my pain troubles me deeply. I am very masochistic sub fetishes from it and it hurts a lot and isn't fun for me it's quite triggering. Even though I like it, I hate it more than the highs it gives me. I dated girls for that reason. It made things worse obviously. It created a distorted view of sex and myself as like a barrier I'm still struggling with it a lot. At the same time my body issues, I wanted to be hot attractive guy as you get, or a girl a pretty girl either average or somewhat above average looks. I know that sounds strange, but I feel much more comfortable if I was one. I had this transgender part of me before this happened, but it didn't come out as a need till during and after my abuse. Recently coming out felt amazing huge step for me.

[Yismymindblank12]

I use self harm as a form of pleasure not cutting, but beating myself. It's been around since the abuse. As in abuse my life struggles of it that it finally stopped I would say 2 or 3 years ago officially.
It's why I didn't date. People are so hard pressed on making me tough and shoving what's been killing me down my throat and to be quiet be happy in the moment. I'm always not noticed or addressed that I need so I don't see it happening ever. This has made me want to die young, because I'm still struggling with this a lot. I'm not broken, but I do need nurturing I didn't receive when I needed it the most.

It wasn't my fault I didn't choose or want to be like this as quoted by family and friends who are always ignorant. I wish they saw what I saw and stop this negative judgemental crap they put on people, who think depressed people need to get over themselves. Everyone has to put on big pants and get over themselves. I'm not like them, I'm not depressed I'm always misunderstood.

[niceguy]

First, wow - that is a very unfair start - and yet I get the mix between friend and foe. it was someone that you trusted and probably were too young to understand what the hell was going on. Still, I am sure you are working on it.

I am interested to see what you have been told in regards to your sexual nature. If the dominance thing works, great -but kind of sounds like it is bitter-sweet, Enjoyable-pain, all at the same time. I am sure that many people will not ever understand where your coming from, hell probably I will never fully grasp it.

What I will tell you is that if anyone truly cares about you, none of this should change their ability to accept you for you. I think that if you can make it work as a transgendered (pre/post op) person that enjoys different sexual expressionism, then why not.

I have been in the reverse position, trying to accept certain perversions that I believed was intentional degradation towards me, when in actual fact - maybe I misinterpreted... still since I never received any clarification, it thwarted my view on them. Not because they were interested in it - hell, I was intrigued, but simply because I couldn't understand someone wanting to hurt me in order to appease themselves. Perhaps, after reading this, I will look differently upon the situation. So be grateful in that sense, your helping someone.

Finally, if it is meant to be with this girl, she will be open and accepting to everything on offer - or at the very least, be a friend and work through it with you. I think personally for me, at least had I been privy to such a backstory, the outcome may have been different.

Regardless, luck.

[Yismymindblank12]

Well, this is what I was told, from the girls I had sex with. They were surprised how insecure I am despite doing well. I didn't make a huge deal about it, but I really didn't like my body. It's mainly a bitter sweet, I like being a dude, but being a girl has always been apart of me.

I felt more free sexually expressing myself as a girl not a guy.
Being a girl, I feel more ok, being masochistic, and being what I want to be as a guy. I'm kinda limited, and I was also told in a negative sense with my sexual needs and my overall well being when it came up in conversation, my mother and sister treated me like some monster. Then the same from people in public, when I played some game "I never.." and I said one thing, that was true about me and say I never, but that was how we played it.
I said, "I like to be restrained by two girls and forced to do what they want." or "I like having someone else physically torture me with some pleasure of sexual stuff."

Pretty much, I got confused and shocked faces. After hearing someone else say something like that was lighter than mine.

Like I live in an area where more sexually crazed people like me, are shunned, but everything else is like "normal." Putting their mindset into perspective. So like if you talk about ****, everyone thinks your a *****. It's so childish, I don't mean I'm in highschool. Like these are grown adults who don't get out of that mindset.

It's not just isolated it's just this area. We are one of the last few places that are intolerant and ignorant to sexuality. I found out we still outlaw gay marriage and promote discrimination. I was kinda shocked how everyone else is like the majority and my state is in the minority. Like it's pretty weird. It feels like your stuck on and island of people who choose not to learn than to learn. I mean that's everywhere, but especially here.

I get more grossed out by people who do public sex to have conceive a child in some party or any public place. Then like not take care of the kid with all this drama behind it.

Like there are a lot of things I'm grossed out with when it comes to some things people do. It's not that they are doing it, it's just how they go about it afterwards. Like people make all this talk they aren't like that and then turn around and use an excuse to cheat to do that. Instead of just doing that from the get go. I dated people like that.

It's shown me what I like and what I don't like.

As a guy I get passed up, but as a girl I know I'd get better luck being myself.

It's my personality doesn't match my body, I decided to get the transition started.

Also when I told my mom about it, after all the **** I went through and stood up for her and my suffering in life from what I experience all she had to say was, "It's a waste of money, people will make fun of you, it would probably look bad and I won't have you live here if you do."

I looked up ways for me to help me with this. Not using porn, I don't like porn. I don't like strip clubs, I don't like private clubs that require me to have a friend and date. Even though those don't exist here.

I'd rather be in a safe place, where I can do that with females and not feel discriminated. I feel I don't know if this is a mistake when someone wants to know what I like, I do a poor job describing what I like sometimes, because I am afraid if I tell them, like before. They'll be like, that's nice good luck having someone who likes that.

After they ask me. It's really awkward when people do that to me and it's like why did you waste my time.

I don't think this came out making any sense. I don't even remember the time when I posted this.

[Yismymindblank12]

Oh to include the girls I had sex with, it what really fueled my insecurity, oddly enough I hate it when only with people I date. That they want to just hookup and **** every time we meet instead of dating me. It's like I get it you like lots of sex, I do too to some degree, but not all the time. Rather I got burned out very quick and emotionally exhausted feeling that, they only wanted my man junk and instead they could of been a **** buddy, they assumed I get mad if they didn't date me, but I was actually mad they blew this out of proportion and made me go through the ringer, because they chose not to be honest.

It got me not wanting to say what I want anymore, it's why I don't bother telling people. I'm so used to just saying, you know they are just going to not understand and you'll find their true intentions after saying what I'm going to say next. Sure enough, it's always like that, I blame lots of things including myself, the society I'm in, and being in a place where I have to shut myself out.

I figured the only way out is to be blunt, but I just don't care. Like, I see a pretty girl here another one there, it's like I can't make up my mind who. It's not that I want to date, have sex, or even talk to. It's like overwhelming. I'm not shy or scared, I just don't care sometimes now. I just ignore and go about my business, because even if someone catches my eye. I won't even bother except appear superficial. Most of the time, I fear of my own honesty.

That's it being honest, I just push people away instead of telling them what I want them to hear instead of telling them what they want to hear.