Is this love or OCD?

Hello. I'm not sure where to post it. English isn't my first language so i'm sorry for mistakes. I have a huge problem getting over someone, like my brain decided he is literally the ONLY person who can make me excited or happy. I've done many terrible things to that person and there is no way he could ever like me again. He doesn't know and won't know, but I get so obsessive about this. It's ruining me. I'm hurting myself checking his stupid instagram and seeing if he followed anyone new. If he does I make up 100 possible scenarios and cry and want to die. I'm not 12, I promise. I'm 19 years old. I know it's not normal and it's not how I reacted to things like this before. It's been like this for 6 months. I don't know how to deal with this... I have BPD, but I'm not violent. I'm very sad. I rarely truly connect with anyone. If you think it sounds normal then I probably didn't explain properly. Does anyone have any practical advice? How to deal with things like this when your mental state is horrible?

It could be both. It's definitely OCD. I would suggest cutting all contact from him (deleting his Facebook, Instagram. Snapchat, and number)

Time heals all wounds but you have to let it.

Cutting didn't really work, because I still know what his name is, what his instagram is. It doesn't sound too good. I won't check it for a week and then I'll again. I'm going round in circles and I can't stop. I'm starting to think It's more about the action than the person.

I read an article that said romantic love shows in the brain very similar to the way that mental illness does. And BPD is infamous for not being able to let relationships go. If he doesn't want to be with you too then there's nothing you can do but let him go. It's hard but you will get over it with time if you let yourself.

If you have a personality disorder, it's not OCD or love, it's splitting.

In fact, it's creepy kind of projection

"Borderline Personality Disorder: Splitting Countertransference

In this context, splitting refers to a primitive mechanism of defense characterized by a polarization of good feelings and bad feelings, of love and hate, of attachment and rejection. Splitting, archetypally imbedded in a patient's psychic structure, acts as a powerful unconscious force to protect against the ego's perception of dangerous anxiety and intense affects. Rather than providing real protection, splitting leads to destructive behavior and turmoil in patients' lives, and the often confused reactions manifested by those who try to help.
Some degree of splitting is an expectable part of early psychic development. We see it in young children who, early on, press us to tell them "Is it good?" or "Is it bad?" We hear their frustration when we answer, "Situations are not black or white; life is more complicated!" "Yes, I know all that," they say, "now tell me, is it good or is it bad?"

Subsequent developmental advances foster the ego's ability to accept paradoxical affects, and to synthesize and integrate good and bad, love and hate along with the associated affects. The need for a definite "yes" or "no" decreases, and multiple possibilities and variations on a theme become tolerable."

Remember = Please, don't stalk him or something like this. It's just projection!"

Take care,

G.

It's not it. I know what it's like when it happens. It's like I'm "stalking" to search for something that will hurt me.

Nobody here can tell you if its OCD, you need a doctor to tell you that.

I would say it's your bpd causing much of the inability of letting it go. Are you in treatment for it? If not I would advise you to find a T (Therapist) to help you learn ways to let someone go, and manage better in life so that bpd doesn't negatively effect your next relationship.

Certainly you do need to cut all ties, yes, you need to stop watching him online, it's just causing you more problems, Therapy can help you process it all.

Welcome to PC