[CosmicRose]

I just needed to vent about this.
I was dating a navy seal last year for 5 months. He was falling in love with me and really cared about me. I've never had a great boyfriend like him before. I was going through anxiety and depression during the time I was dating him.
I would pull away from him emotionally and he didn't know why until I told him I was depressed. He was working 12 hour days and would drive up to see me (we lived 1 hour & 30 mins away, 2 hours depending on traffic).
The distance started wearing on both of us. We had such a great time together, he would take me to beautiful hotels, fishing, hiking, swimming, restaurants, shopping. I've never dated anyone who did those things for me.
He was 28 and I'm 22. He started talking about marriage and having kids, I didn't even know if I was ready for a relationship (because of my mental issues) let alone settling down.

He was super outgoing, and I'm naturally more quiet and introverted. Almost every time we hung out, we would drink...and I would usually wake up feeling hung over. Dating him started to feel exhausting for me. He didn't understand that sometimes I felt shy and he was constantly trying to make me hang out with his buddies and his family. Mind you, we had only been dating for 5ish months. I felt pressure and didn't know if I could handle the stress of dating him, even though I was falling in love with him too. I can't really explain it, I was just exhausted.

I felt bad because he was constantly driving up to see me and my car was constantly breaking down so I didn't trust it to drive 1 1/2 to 2 hours every weekend, then back again. He started complaining about that, rightly so.

One morning, I decided it was becoming too much for me and I told him I needed a break from the relationship. He was bummed. We didn't talk for about 2 months after that and during that time I started missing him. I texted him and called him, saying I missed him so much and he said he missed me too. We've been trying to hang out again since then but his work schedule is really busy. After going on a date with another guy, I realized I ruined something really good. The guy I went on a date with (I wrote a post about him on this forum) left me in tears, and it made me miss my ex so much more because now I feel like no one else compares to him.

My ex is deploying in 1 month from now and he'll be gone for 6 months. I feel like such an idiot. I should have never broken up with my ex. I texted him yesterday saying "I'll do anything it takes to be with you again." He said "I'm sorry we lost a lot of time, and I'm leaving soon and not looking for that anymore." (he said he wasn't seeing anyone else, by the way, so that's not the reason why he said that, I think it's just because of his deployment).

I'm so disappointed in myself for breaking up with a man who was so good for me. I need some comfort or some help in dealing with this. I feel like he was perfect, I don't even really remember why I broke up with him, and it's just all my fault. He could have helped me out of this depression and anxiety and I could have possibly had a richer life with him. What the hell is wrong with me?

I hope he wants to see me again when he comes back from deployment but deep down I think I really messed it up. 2 months ago he seemed like he was still interested in me so I don't know why all the sudden he's totally not interested anymore. We've been trying to hang out again that whole time.

I'm heartbroken and it's my fault.

[divine1966]

Sorry you feel this way. Things usually happen for a reason and it is for the best and you might discover it later when you meet someone maybe more suitable. It sounds that two of you had a good time but it concerned me that every time two of you hung out you were so drunk you had hungover next day. That's kind of red flag.

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[CosmicRose]

Thank you divine1966, I think part of this is that I really feel like I won't ever find someone as good as him. I've dated so many jerks in the past, he stands out as being such a great boyfriend, offering to do so much for me. This is why I'm kicking myself now. What if I never find someone like him? What if he's the "one that got away"? What if I keep picturing the life I could have had with him, and being disappointed by other men down the road?

[divine1966]

You are 22 as I see and trust me you have your life ahead of you to meet right people. I kind of giggled seeing your age oh to be 22 again! You'll meet the right person one day for sure! In a meanwhile focus on getting healthier feeling better education career etc

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[peaceseeker63]

So sorry you're struggling. It sounds like you broke it off with him for a reason, which was very valid. It is common to then remember all the good times and forget about the reasons you broke it off. It sounds like he is very outgoing, which may be overwhelming for you. That is not likely to change.

I agree with Divine that you have your whole life in front of you. Don't let one jerk on a date scare you. There are lot's of great men out there, but you do have to weed through the bad one's. My friend told me that dating is a contact sport!

I have had a similar experience recently where I broke it off with a man that I fell in love with. Neither of us were ready to move forward. But now all I can think about are the good times. I have to remember and remind myself daily why I made the decision and why he isn't right for me. It is a process. (((HUGS))).

[CosmicRose]

Aww I'm sorry you went through a similar experience recently Peaceseeker.
It's funny how we forget all the bad things and only remember the good things.
You're right, his outgoing personality and his constant go-go-go energy was overwhelming for me. I guess we were just opposites. I thought at first he would balance me out, but it really didn't.

I think I've just been dating so many guys that haven't met my standards, that when one guy comes along who does, I think he's the greatest thing ever, even if he isn't totally compatible with me. On a scale of 1-10 I was dating 4s, then he came along and he was like a 7, but I guess I should just keep waiting to meet that 10 who really is compatible with my personality.

I was talking to this guy who was also from San Diego which is where my ex is, and told him we live an hour away and he said oh wow that's far, can we meet half way? This again just made me miss my ex because he was willing to drop everything and drive up the whole way and back for me. Sigh...but I just have to remember how exhausted I felt while dating him.

And I also have to realize that if I did continue to date him, or even marry him, I would probably be exhausted with his personality plus working every day. I thought I could get used to his personality and be comfortable around him, but after 5 months I still wasn't feeling very comfortable.
I remember one time I was on a date with him and his buddies showed up and he said "Don't be shy, go talk to them." So his outgoing personality was kind of pushy to my quiet personality. I felt like I should act like someone who was more outgoing for him.

[Bill3]

On a scale of 1-10 I was dating 4s, then he came along and he was like a 7, but I guess I should just keep waiting to meet that 10 who really is compatible with my personality.

That sounds good. What can you do to avoid the 4s?