I really need your help and advice

Hello!
I don't know if here is the right place for my post... <font color="black"> </font>
My name is Edward,I am 14 and I am in Tennessee. I had a very happy family-Dad,Momqtwins-sisters younger than me.Everything was OK but 6 months ago it turned upside dawn.A stranger put his finger in our life.He had a short time sexual affair with my mother which resulted in my sisters.Because Tennessee Code require that the legal father is only the biological father without meaning other factors and wishes such as the wish of my father to remain their legal father if this man went away of our life,the judge granted him this legal status and ordered to change my sisters'last name,granted him visitation rights.The situation became worse...Besides that this man visited our neighbours and my father's colleagues and explained them all that because my Dad is 'an impotent b*stard and a very beautiful gay"/that is not true of course/ he is'the real man because he impregnated my mother with twins'...Everyone laughed at my Dad and everyone did sneers at him.My grandparents asked him to leave this dirthy ******...Soon my parents got divorced.Now I live with my mother and my sisters.I know my Dad is in Psychiatric clinic and my sisters'new 'legal' father is in jail for robbery and drugs and he will stay there for 18 years.Our family broke dawn.I don't know where the problem is-in the Code,in adult's behavior or other...My mother became a histerical person and my sisters are in depression.I am trying to be the man in the house,I want to help all-to help my mother,father and sisters because I love them all.Unfortunatelly I don't know how to do it.I tried to ask my school psychologist but she told me,'What do you think about pets?Do you like cats or dogs?'...Our social worker suggest my father to adopt my sisters and to create the old family unit but it souns as to make chops by lamb and after that to make lamb by chops...
I feel powerless and helpless myself.Please give me an idea how to move out of this situation.Please help me!Please!Please!Please!
Thank you in advance and best wishes to all.
Ed

(((((((((ed))))))))))

what a mature young man you are!!!!
i always say talking and communication works so well. tell your family how you are feeling, talk talk talk, i'm so sorry this happened to you, speak to your parents and they will lead you onto the right path.

i wish you luck and you can pm me anytime

love jinnyann xoxoxoxoxox

Hello Ed --

What a complicated situation, and what a brave young man you are. I think you did the right thing by talking with the school psychologist. Don't give up, just because he or she wasn't the right counselor for you.

If you have a priest, minister, or rabbi to whom you can talk, that person may be offer pastoral counseling or refer you to an agency. United Way in many towns is affiliated with social services counseling. A librarian at your local library may be able to help you find such services. Since you are on the internet, you may fnd them this way. As a former reporter, I still find the local telephone directory is better than the internet for finding many of these smaller, local services that cannot afford to maintain an online presence.

You are moving in the right direction. Please give yourself a pat on the back, if no one else is around to tell you how great you're doing with all this.

Thank you!!!
It is impossible to talk to my mother...it is impossible to talk to my father-he is 500 miles away...Local Services?They don't work in my opinion...I am with my sisters only.

Ed,
might I say how impressed I am with you. That post you put up is more mature than most of us (myself included) ever put up. Here's the dillio, you do have some major issues in your family right now, and they are biggies. Here's what the truth of the matter is..... your dad has every right to be away. After something like that, I'd flip out too. Anyone would. Your mom going hysterical, well, she made a mistake she's having a hard time dealing with. Your sisters being depressed, only natural. Here's what you can do, be supportive to them all. Do well in school, so you can go to collage, and have a way of becoming something great, because all of us at pc are going to be expecting it out of a guy as acceptional as yourself. Remember, as mature as you are, you're still a kid, and you deserve your childhood.......don't let anyone elses mistake take that away from you. You can't be the man of the house yet. You have to focus on you and your future, and as a kid, I wish someone had told me this when I chose to drop out of hs to support my mom when she was having difficulties. Things will get better, don't let this dark cloud damage the light within you. As for the psychs, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, listen to it, and make sure to do what's right for you. I can't stress that enough. Remember this, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Feel free to message me any time you want to. My thoughts are with you. Mucho Mucho huggles!

GPG

what a mature young man you are!!!!
What a complicated situation, and what a brave young man you are
That post you put up is more mature than most of us

These are your words but you are wrong-I am not a mature brave young man - I am scared and confused.Sorry.

Brave doesn't not mean not being afraid. It means you're afraid, and you keep on fighting. It's not fair that you're in this situation, but it isn't your fault. I think GPG and W2F have offered some good advice. Try local services, even if you don't think they'll be able to help...sometimes you find the right person, even if the rest aren't so good.

I wish you the best of luck.

i'm sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. what a mess for a young man of 14 to try to deal with. go easier upon yourself. you can't be the man of the family all of the time. take some time for yourself.

your school counselor failed you and i hope you can find someone else IRL to talk to. feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more.

do you have one particular teacher that you trust and could talk to at school? or an uncle/aunt/relative? best friend?

remember this, you aren't responsible for this mix-up and you may not be able to fix it. please don't take on all of the responsibility for the whole family.

how old are your sisters? i know how it feels to be a teen in a dysfunctional household. i understand how hard it is to try to keep things together..........keep me updated. xoxoxo pat

I have no a particular teacher that I trust because I moved to another school /we changed our home/.My sisters are almost 10.My best friend...became my not best friend.I do not know why you believe in Social services-they have been working with us for 5 months but their greatest decision was,"We have to think about foster care if the things get worse..."My grandparents are in conflict with my mother.That's all.

Ed, you may have to wait a bit before you can do much helping on account of your age. But, perhaps you can work on being "cheerful" for your sisters (playing with them, helping them with their homework, being there for them to talk to and trying to keep them from being so afraid). It doesn't sound like adults are taking very good care of you. That's not your fault and not something you can change very easily. Do you and your sisters get enough to eat and have a place to stay so you won't have to move again?

I would try to join a group (boy scouts or a young people's church group, something like that) and get to know some other guys your age and their parents. Maybe you'll meet a friend's father or mother who might have a better idea how to help you. Check out other teachers in your new school, librarians, etc. to see if there's maybe someone who knows your local situation better from an adult perspective and can help.

Ed, more than anything, you need to know that YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE!! Nobody your age should ever have to deal with a situation like this, and you have done an incredible job of it so far. Yeah, you may be scared and upset, but that doesn't mean you haven't been working incredibly hard to make your situation as good as you possibly can.

At this point, all I can tell you is that I pray your situation improves and you find the help you need. I think Perna's idea of making some friends, and then asking their parents how you can help your family, is a great idea. Fact is, there are responsible adults somewhere where you are, and if you can find them they WILL help you out. I just hope and pray that you do.

Keep us all updated, okay? Everyone at PC is incredibly kind, and ready to help if you need it.

yours,
~muse

Will be cheering for you, Ed! Keep you head held high!

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windward said:
I have no a particular teacher that I trust because I moved to another school /we changed our home/.

I do not know why you believe in Social services-they have been working with us for 5 months but their greatest decision was,"We have to think about foster care if the things get worse...

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Hi again, Ed -- I agree with all those who suggest that 14 is very young to take on responsibility for the mess the so-called grown-ups have made of things.

I do hope you will look around your school again and see if you might connect with a teacher, or join a church group.

Social Services is a government department that sees to enforcing child protection laws. It is not the right place to look for counseling for yourself. United Way is a community charitable organization, and there are often counseling services connected to it. The counselors at such services are NOT connected in any way to Social Services, even though there might be a similar name such as "Family and Children's Services." In fact, anything you might say to your counselor at that agency would be confidential.

Even if you feel that you "can't spill your guts" to a teacher or a minister with whom you are minimally acquainted, such as individual may be plugged into the system to help you find your way to the right agency.

Maybe posting here is enough to relieve your stress, worry and confusion. If it's not, you owe it to yourself to see if you can find a trustworthy grown-up to listen and help.

Wishing you all the best ---

dude, I think u have trust issues about who you emote too, which is ku, cuz I have em too, so maybe u should write a journal. When I started my rosiebook, it made me feel so much better. It was like having a confidant that would never tell my secrets.

Wants2Fly-THANK YOUUUUUUU! I found their address-http://www.uwmidsouth.org/...I know where they are located and I will go there as soon as it is possible.

Keep us posted.

Journaling is good, too. I started when I was 16, though I haven't been actively journaling for the past few years. Some people include drawings, etc., if they think visually.

Yea for you!!!!!!! i am so glad that you got directed, by Wants, to the link for some help..........and remember, we're all here for you..........xoxoxo pat

HUZZAH!! You'll have to tell us how it goes, Ed. Good luck, and keep fighting the good fight!!

I'm not sure if this advise helps, but I think what your doing-helping your family and such is really awesome of you ^.^ Most 'us' teenagers don't really give the time of day about their families today and at least you're there for them, you know? What I'm trying to say is, is keep being there for your family even when it seems to be falling apart.Hopefully it'll pay off in the future lol Anyways I hope everything works out in the future for you