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  #1  
Old Feb 07, 2015, 09:20 PM
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Rhapsody Rhapsody is offline
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What to do when you make a pros and cons list on your 30 year marriage and the cons win? - feeling lost.
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  #2  
Old Feb 07, 2015, 11:17 PM
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jelly-bean jelly-bean is offline
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Maybe the mood you were in when you made the list had something to do with the cons winning. 30 years is a long time so you must have something going for you. Make a new list when you are in a different mood and see how it comes out.
  #3  
Old Feb 07, 2015, 11:34 PM
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Rhapsody Rhapsody is offline
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That's possible. ... I will revisit the list in a few days, but I have to say the con list has been getting longer over the years.
  #4  
Old Feb 08, 2015, 01:00 AM
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Parley Parley is offline
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Maybe hang the list on the bedroom mirror? Of course~ this would only work if you're still sharing your marital bed.

I'm sure it isn't easy but hopefully you have someone to talk to.
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  #5  
Old Feb 08, 2015, 04:59 AM
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Rhapsody Rhapsody is offline
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Yes, we are still sharing the same bed and bathroom. ... just different sides now.
  #6  
Old Feb 08, 2015, 08:46 AM
avlady avlady is offline
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are you wanting to leave? maybe you're thinking of the bad things because you want to.
  #7  
Old Feb 08, 2015, 02:54 PM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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He's not open to discussion, is he? I like the idea of displaying, however, could turn into an all out viscious retort, if not careful. I don't believe you'd have made this list if you weren't feeling so hurt. 30 years is, indeed, a long time invested. Where's the him that proposed to get you into this marriage in the first place? Granted life changes couples, however, where is the friendship piece?

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  #8  
Old Feb 08, 2015, 07:55 PM
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Rhapsody Rhapsody is offline
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I made the list to try and help me see if staying or leaving was my best option. I am really searching for answers in a difficult situation.
  #9  
Old Feb 09, 2015, 08:01 AM
Jenny25 Jenny25 is offline
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Maybe you was depressed while making the list. Try to make it again later
  #10  
Old Feb 12, 2015, 05:24 AM
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Rhapsody Rhapsody is offline
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I am feeling much better and yet my CON list keeps getting longer..... therefore, I was wonder if maybe other married or long term couples would share the PROS in the relationship and maybe it might spark some ideals in my own heart and mind?

This is my PRO LIST so far - in no particular order.

1. Love
2. Financial Support
3. Having some one close at night.
4. Granddaughter has her grandparents
5. My Family stays intake and together
6. Always have a nice roof over my head

......cons list has about 17 things on it.
  #11  
Old Feb 23, 2015, 03:44 PM
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Rhapsody Rhapsody is offline
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Its been 11 days since I made this post. I've had time to calm down emotionally and for the DID alter in me that was triggered by all this drama to retreat. I am feeling much better and back in love with my husband of 30 years. While things are not prefect I am happy and we are trying...... Thank you for letting us vent.
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