Hi all

I have this scenario that for some reason keeps playing in my mind.

For the past three years, I have had depression, I am also autistic, not very rich and my looks could use some work. I don't have the most open personality and tend to stick to myself because people, well, frighten me mostly.

The thing is, I've been going through some difficult times. I've lost joy for most of the stuff in my life and I've been trying to rebuild everything after having depression. Most of the people in my life have deserted me one way or another. People have turned their backs on me, have chosen not to believe in me and have picked other friends over me to rather be with.

Now, I know how this looks, but truly I don't have a problem with that at all because finding out I was autistic and all the rest made me understand why they would do that sort of thing. That's OK, I get it completely and would probably have done the same if I were "normal".

The thing is, a lot of these people have forsaken me in a time when I really needed them. I was so lost and broken and all I wanted was just one person to notice and maybe just even hold me or speak with me even. But, they all turned against me and found fault with all the things I was doing.

Now, however, I feel a lot better, I am healing really well and I'm inspired again to start doing things in my life. I have huge dreams and I'm going to do everything I can to make them materialize, and it's not pie in the sky stuff, it's all doable.

The thing for me is now, OK, I was at the bottom of the barrel, but I'm clawing my way back up. The thing is, I know those people who left me will notice if something good were to happen with me.

My question is, do you allow them back into your life again, after showing such little faith in you? I get that they didn't understand what I was going through and what autism is like.

Depression has taught me what and who is most important in my life, who stands with you and who runs away. The obvious thing to do would be to tell them to get lost and tell them they can't share in whatever it is I have perhaps accomplished. But, I can't help but see it from their viewpoint too. They really didn't know and if they did understand they wouldn't have treated me that way, I know it.

I also don't want to reject them like they rejected me. I'm not like that. I try to understand another's point of view.

I guess my question is, have any of you guys ever faced this, or think about it?

I think that those that rejected you and try to come back may have learned somethign about their actions. I think that its okay to give them a fair shot, with caution. Any signs that they could potential do more damage, i would run the opposite direction.

Originally Posted by ChaoticInsanity

I think that those that rejected you and try to come back may have learned somethign about their actions. I think that its okay to give them a fair shot, with caution. Any signs that they could potential do more damage, i would run the opposite direction.

Thanks, I tend to agree with you. Accept back, but with boundaries.

I guess what I want to know is, how does one differentiate between fair weather friends and those that have had a true change of opinion about you?

[shezbut]

I think that "fair weather" friends show themselves in their everyday behavior. For example, they don't have much interest in you or other people. Instead, they just want to talk about themselves and menial things going on in their world.

Whereas a "true" friend asks questions and listens to your response. They respond to what you say, maybe making a related remark or asking another question in response to what you had to say. When the subject is over, the conversation moves onto things happening in their life.

Thanks guys for all your responses. I think everyone deserves a second chance, the only thing for me is the feeling afterwards, after the person deserted you. Can the relationship ever be the same again? It just feels to me like how do I trust that person again? When they did forsake you, it hurt very much. As a result, your feeling about that person has changed forever. I don't know if I would ever be able to accept that person fully again. Maybe that makes me a bad person? It's just so hard, how do you do it?