How can I forgive my mother's impossible limitedness? I know she got hurt big time growing up with a violent alcoholic father and a passive un-loving mother, but how come she never got help.. I know no one here can answer that for her. I just don't get it. Did she not realise I was her responsibility when she became a mother? Did she not realise she was hurting me by leaving me alone.. Did she not care? I don't think she did. She's spiteful - doesn't want me to be happy because she wasn't/hasn't been..

Think I just needed to get this out.. Thanks for reading.

[kaliope]

i am sorry that you didnt have the mother you wanted. so many of us understand where you are at. i had horrible parents and wondered these same things. but then i just accepted that they were defective and incapable of providing me what i needed. how can i blame them for giving me something they had no power or knowledge to give? so i cant. so while i dont forgive because i am angry, i just have nothing to do with them. my choice was not to grace them with all that is special about me, their loss. i have let them go. i dont dwell on them or what they did any longer. they have no power over me any longer. take care.

[curley]

Originally Posted by d.o.a.

How can I forgive my mother's impossible limitedness? I know she got hurt big time growing up with a violent alcoholic father and a passive un-loving mother, but how come she never got help.. I know no one here can answer that for her. I just don't get it. Did she not realise I was her responsibility when she became a mother? Did she not realise she was hurting me by leaving me alone.. Did she not care? I don't think she did. She's spiteful - doesn't want me to be happy because she wasn't/hasn't been..

Think I just needed to get this out.. Thanks for reading.

d.o.a. If you feel the need to forgive your mom, I hope you can. My mom did not grow up like yours did, but yet she had many of the same traits. I guess I have tried to forgive her ( a little) but I have never forgotten. I hate to think that she did not care. I look at her behavior as selfish. A real mother is not selfish. A real mom wants you to be happy. My mom passed away a few years ago and my sister and I still are disgusted by the type of mother she was. Something I will never forget. I did not have any children, but my sister learned a lot from our mom. She learned what a mother is not. and she is a wonderful mother and a first grade teacher. If you can forgive good for you. If not learn from her mistakes.