[seawhale]

In brief, this girl just joined our department recently, I saw her for the first time a couple of days ago, I am interested in her for marriage, I talked with her to get to know her, just general talk and she actually felt my interest.

The problem that I go to our department office once a week or twice due to my work nature in the field, so I decided to add her on Facebook, there were no mutual friends as she was new to the company, she didn't accept the friend request till now although it is so clear from my profile that this account is mine.

Reasons for not accepting my friend request is that she still doesn't know me well or she is not interest...etc whatever the reason.

My question is that I will see her tomorrow, sure I will not tell her or blame her about not accepting my friend request, but I want to know how should I appear to her tomorrow, should I express disappointment or act like nothing happened or what?

Many thanks.

[sw76]

I wouldn't act like anything happened; because it didn't. She's not to 'blame' for not accepting your friend request right away, it's not an insult to not accept someone as a friend instantly, especially as she's only just met you.

I don't think you can really be interested in someone for something like marriage on seeing them for the first time as you don't know them yet! Show her some respect and spend some time getting to know her and you'll find out if she's interested and if she's right for you

[~Christina]

Meeting someone and so quickly thinking about marriage? No slow down your thinking , Yeah she may have been friendly and pleasant. But if you come on too strong you will probably scare her away .

I just say act normal.... I am very particular about adding people to Facebook. Maybe she just wants to know you better first.

But really, rein in the thoughts of marriage with her. Maybe she isn't looking for that in her life right now.

Good luck

[seawhale]

Christina,

It was not really a good idea to add her on FB, I am not going to marry her, I just think that we may match, so when we get to know each other better, we then both decide wether to go on for marriage or not, and yes she may got scared from that early friend request, but as I mentioned, it would be easier and quicker way to know her.

Finally, Christina you are a very kind hearted and you always help people, wish you happiness, joy, luck, health and success in your life. You deserve the best.

[Bill3]

Perhaps she is not interested in a potential relationship with a co-worker.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by sw76

I wouldn't act like anything happened; because it didn't. She's not to 'blame' for not accepting your friend request right away, it's not an insult to not accept someone as a friend instantly, especially as she's only just met you.

I don't think you can really be interested in someone for something like marriage on seeing them for the first time as you don't know them yet! Show her some respect and spend some time getting to know her and you'll find out if she's interested and if she's right for you

Thanks so much for you very good and logical advice.

If you come on too strong you take the chance of never having a relationship of any kind, even friendship, with her.

To even consider marriage with someone you just met the other day is taking things waaay too fast.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by dehuman

If you come on too strong you take the chance of never having a relationship of any kind, even friendship, with her.

Thanks for your reply, do you mean not to go too fast and let everything to go normally and takes its natural way and gradually, don't you?

Exactly. Go about your daily activities like you did before she started working there and let things take their natural course.

If she develops an attraction to you it will be of her own, and if not it was probably never meant to be anyway.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by dehuman

Exactly. Go about your daily activities like you did before she started working there and let things take their natural course.

If she develops an attraction to you it will be of her own, and if not it was probably never meant to be anyway.

Many thanks for your kind advice.

I indeed prefer that such things to take its natural course, and not to be arranged or intended anyway, I just took this approach because I see her just once a week which means that the relation will take months to develop, specially the work environment is not adequate to develop strong bond with new girl coworker, for that I took that approach which I don't like.

If I see her on daily basis I would never added her on FB that soon.

I think I will act like nothing happened.

Originally Posted by seawhale

I think I will act like nothing happened.

That's the best thing you could possibly do.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by dehuman

That's the best thing you could possibly do.

Thank you, and I hope that everything to go on well, I know that the first eye contact will be somewhat not easy, but it will go on anyhow.

A lot (okay all) of employers and potential employers check Facebook. I don't know if that plays into her lack of response.

Just a thought.

Whatever the reason, I wouldn't mention it. In fact I would let her take the lead if she's interested.
A lot of people don't think that workplace romance is a good thing, and you have to respect that.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

A lot (okay all) of employers and potential employers check Facebook. I don't know if that plays into her lack of response.

Just a thought.

Whatever the reason, I wouldn't mention it. In fact I would let her take the lead if she's interested.
A lot of people don't think that workplace romance is a good thing, and you have to respect that.

Many thanks for your kind reply and advice.

[seawhale]

Now, just saw her yesterday for the second time and for the first time after adding her to fb, the first eye contact was not easy As i thought, she looked disappointed from adding her on fb that early, anyhow the rest of the day went on well, chatted with her for several time, she felt that i am really interested in her, but she seemed not sure from my intentions and from what actually i want or looking for.

Now what to do, she did not accept the friend request yet, shall I cancel it or keep it, I see her only once a week which is too few times to develop the relation.

[divine1966]

Some work places are very particular about coworkers dating and some don't allow married couple work together. That might cause people not even considering it. I personally wouldn't date anyone at work as if you have to break up you have to continue working together. That is why she might be hesitant

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[toolman65]

Chances are she is there to work, not find a husband. Obsessing over her will have serious consequences for you. From being thought of as the creepy guy, to being accused of sexual harassment, to losing your job.

Keep your love and work lives separate.

[CosmicRose]

Coworkers do not like to add each other on facebook because facebook is usually a more personal social network. It isn't like LinkedIn. I know many friends who would never accept a friend request from a coworker or a boss. Too risky.
You said you met/saw her only a couple days ago but you want to marry her? That's a little fast...should probably get to know someone before marriage.

Also, dating your coworkers is never a good thing to do because if you ever broke up with them you would still have to work with them.