[ohwellthen]

I was engaged to the most incredible man in the world until this past New Years Eve when I found out he had fallen in love with someone else. We were supposed to be married in a few months and we had it all planned out, including where we'd live, etc... I agreed to raise our kids Christian for him (I'm agnostic), I transferred from an old job, I became best friends with his sisters and their husbands. We were really great friends before we got together and we are really close with a tightknit of group of mutual friends (who have been great about not taking sides, but neither of us want to sacrifice those friendships just because we broke up). I knew this would be a hard breakup, but I thought we could get through it with dignity.

Except I have to see him with his new girlfriend everyday. We're both teachers at the same school. And so is his new girlfriend. I thought I'd be able to handle it, and for awhile we settled into a really solid post-breakup friendship, but recently whenever I see him at work he has eyes only for her. I feel like he continues to lead me on by being very sweet and funny when we're alone, giving me signals that he wants to repair things, but as soon as she's around it's like I'm just a fly in his ear.

Everyone is telling me to "forget him", but I don't know how. He's so loving, acting like we'll work this out, and then just brushes me off to be with his new favorite person. I see him everyday. I'm still crazy in love with him. Plus a part of me is hoping really hard that he'll wake up and we'll fix this and get married like we were supposed to, so I'm not really committed to idea of getting over him.

What in the world am I supposed to do?

[Crazy Hitch]

(((ohwellthen)))

This is not a nice situation to be in at all and I am so sorry to hear what you have been through.

Your hopes, your dreams, the life you had imagined, the kids you thought you would have, the person who you thought was your eternal person for life ..... shattered ..... the day you found out that he had fallen for someone else.

The further challenge is that you have to face him and his new girlfriend every day. This must be incredibly painful. "You thought you'd be able to handle it". Personally, if it were me, no, I do not think I would handle this on my own [possibly with a lot of intense professional support in real life but certainly not on my own no]. And the fact that you're constantly aware at work that he has eyes for her? Awful! He has no right what so ever to be giving you "signals" ..... this is misleading. Perhaps he does this out of guilt as he woud be well aware of how much he has hurt you and wants to make you feel a bit "better" I guess rather that than being nasty to you? Well sorry, that just doesn't cut it and nor does it make what he's done right.

Oh well that is quite easy for people on the side line to say "forget him". How? You were supposed to share the rest of your life with him weren't you and now he's in your face every day with the girl that was meant to be you.

You still have feelings of care for him and have described this as "loving".

"ACTING" like we'll work this out - well this has me very confused and I think it stems from how he keeps giving you these mixed signals. He's ACTING. It's a bluff. You are HOPING. Of course you are hoping! This was your future right? Who wants to give up on that? Nobody. You "love" him. Sure. You still love him. You loved him for a long time. You loved him then. You love him now. And boy does he know this and he will continue to play on this. It must feel really good for him, wow, he's got a new girl that he's fallen in love with and bonus his ex still loves him too. This must be quite gratifying for him. You hope "we'll fix this" and you still dream of being married to him.

This is a vicious cycle.

You still love him. He acts like he really cares. He sends you mixed signals. You are constantly reminded on a daily basis of the life you were meant to lead. You still want this life. You still love him.

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

Oh I don't really know the right answer to this really to be honest.

Everything written above is based on my personal stance of events.

I am sure that they may certainly be parts I have typed that you may completely disagree with. It's merely my peronal take.

If it were me I would be doing some serious thinking here.

And working out the positives and negatives of each choice you have.

Yes, you have a choice. Each one needs a cost benefit analysis. Only you can truthfully do this.

1. You continue to work at your job. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

2. You seek an alternative job. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

3. You continue to hope and dream knowing that he is merely giving you mixed signals? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

4. You possibly even outright tell him you still love him and want a future with him. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

5. You seek professional therapy to help you process the magnitude of what has happened. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

I could give you quite a few different examples of options you may have.

And I am sure that you can think of some extra ones yourself too.

But I guess in response to the question what are you supposed to do?

Plot out each and every possible scenario.

Weigh up the advantages and disadvantages of each.

And then YOU choose which option is best for you.

And stick to your decision.

Best wishes moving forward.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Is he really that wonderful if he rejects someone as fab as you and then makes eyes at you as if he wants his cake and eat it too?

Sounds very bad to me. You must be worth better than such shabby treatment.

[nicoleflynn]

We don't just get over traumatic things; people say that because they don't know what else to say. Sad. Getting into therapy might help.

If you are a teacher in a school system, you could ask for a transfer to remove yourself physically from his presence. That probably can't happen until next school year, but it would certainly be something you could look into (I would).

In the meantime, set some boundaries. Make your communication with him only about school-related business. Otherwise, you have the power to stay away from him. Continuing to communicate with him in a personal manner is unnecessary and leaves you in situations that apparantly are confusing. If he's still leading you on while with this new girlfriend, sounds like you have dodged a bullet with him. This seems to be a pattern of behavior for him that would have doomed your marriage anyway. Try to keep that perspective.

[divine1966]

I am a teacher as well and with nowadays economy I wouldn't be able just go and get a different job. I would ask to be transferred to a different building. Could you?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[toolman65]

Why should it be you that has to transfer?

He is the one who dumped you for a mutual co worker and now he thinks everybody is supposed to be friends? Why are you being so accommodating and understanding to this turd?

Chances are he is being nice to you so you can be his "back up plan" if it doesn't pan out with the new one.

You should be relieved that you didn't marry him. If he screwed you over he will probably do it to her as well. Are there any other women at your school he could hook up with to complete the trifecta?

[Open Eyes]

While I can understand how badly this hurts, a part of you should be so thankful this did not happen when you were already married with children, because that does happen.

This also happens to major celebrities too, beautiful women whom seem to have it all, end up being cheated on and divorce, some with children sometimes too. Also, he must have cheated on you, so he is a cheater, and cheaters can be quite charming you know. He will probably eventually cheat on her too, sounds like he is underneath it all, all about himself. Honey, you are best to be rid of him and find someone else. If he still kind of flirts with you, again, that is all for himself, don't buy that crap or fall for it at all or wish or hope either.

Find someone who will really appreciate "you" and has "respect" for you too.