[Geraldv]

Hi All,

My relationship is complex which I can explain later if necessary but suffice it that a commitment from both is agreed.
I feel I am in a fuel and fire relationship in which my partner says I am jealous and possessive and hence her actions.
All the years she is frequently befriending other men. She refers to them as "friends" and claims too not have any physical sexual relationships with them. However, she did admit many years ago to a once off physical sexual encounter. Many of the "friends" entail very explicit sexual telephonic conversations and/or messages, wherein she describes her sexual intentions. Other "friends" she shares very personal matters and chats regularly with them (at times late at night). A most recent friend is a previous boyfriend from her teenage years.
I have subsequently become a very jealous and possessive person in this relationship and she says I see things that aren't there because of my jealousy.
Through all of this she always promises to not do it again and just repeats the process of befriending men and then sometimes taking it too far. At times it has been other married men she befriends and claims their wives are fine with the "friendship".
She feels that she has every right to make friends with other men and says I have no right to dislike it. She feels she is doing no wrong and that I am over reacting and completely responsible for everything
I have many times tried to end the relationship and then she becomes aggressive and convinces me to forgive and try again.
I am in turmoil as I have become a person (a monster) I do not want to be, but at the same time I feel our affections should be toward each other and not to others.
Could you advise?

[gayleggg]

From what you say, I'm seeing red flags. As one who tends to befriend men (in the past), and carries things too far, I hear warning bells. I said all the things your partner said, but they were lies to myself and to my spouse. The fact was I was enjoying the game. I can't say that is what your partner is doing, but I think you have a valid concern.

[toolman65]

At the end of the day, it is YOUR life to live.

Do you love her?

Do you feel safe with her?

Are you addicted to her or the roller coaster of emotions that she brings to the relationship?

".....I have become a person i do not want to be......"

Who would you be if she was not in your life? Would you still be a "monster"?

She may be addicted to drama, and the energy that comes from conflict. When she needs her fix, she pushes your buttons.

When you attempt to leave (thus taking away her connection) she pressures you into staying.

Does the thought of a future with her excite you or exhaust you?

[Rose76]

You would be very smart to get out of this relationship. Your ideas of the intimacy that should be kept between partners and not spread out with every Tom, Rick and Harry is normal. Her interest in "befriending" all these other men is not normal. She has a right to live this way, if she chooses. And you have a right to move on to find someone who shares your values.

[~Christina]

I would remove myself from a relationship like this.... Life is much too short for nonsense such as this.

She is very disrespectful. I wonder , would she would allow you to have all kinds of female friends ??

Welcome to PC

[avlady]

i am positive she would not like it if you did the same with women. i would leave if i were you, like someone said life is too short to waste it on her.