[elepheyes]

I have a friend who is easily offended. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her, since the situations that offend her seem so absolutely neutral and non-offensive to me. I usually validate her feelings and then try to point out how no one actually did anything wrong as carefully as possible.

I accidentally offended her the other day when I asked her to stop banging repeatedly on a bell that makes a high-pitched noise because I had a headache. She told me I hurt her feelings and offended her. I was speechless and didn't pursue the issue.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can better handle these situations because I don't have a clue.

[~Christina]

Is this person an actual "Good friend" ?

If you always have to walk on eggshells around her, how is it healthy for you ?

What do you get out of this friendship?

[elepheyes]

Thanks for responding to my post.

She actually is a good friend and she is struggling with clinical psych issues. She generally is a good person to talk to except when something seemingly neutral upsets her. She is aware than she does take things a bit too personally and is actively working on it.
I figure the best thing for me is to add breathing space to our friendship when I become frustrated and that is what I've been trying out since I posted. I feel like the "eggshells" thing may have been an overstatement since it's only when she gets upset that that pops into my head and I get wary.

This girl sounds like she doesn't pay attention to you, pays any thoughts for you. Like Christina said, she doesn't sound like a good friend, and I agree. As friends (I don't know how close you guys are), try talking it out and see why she's sensitive of some situations.

[insertname]

I have a friend who I used to have to walk on eggshells with. She got upset about things I didn't understand, and sometimes she would just say something incredibly insensitive to me out of the blue if she was feeling bad about herself. Sometimes I left it a few days and then asked her about what she'd said and she'd get annoyed and say I should have known to ignore what she says when she's in a bad mood.

I agree, it's frustrating, and it's tiring. My mother is like this too.

With my mother, I have distanced a bit and changed our relationship so we don't talk about anything that could set her off. We talk a lot less now.

With my friend, well frankly she gained confidence, got a boyfriend, and now she's super nice and the most compassionate friend I have. She's extraordinarily supportive and she's never insensitive anymore. I also don't have to worry about hurting her feelings because she is more resilient and a lot happier.

If you feel that you do gain from the relationship and that your friend has enough insight to change, then maybe you could try gently pointing out to her when she is being unfair. It's not fair of her to emotionally manipulate you (telling you she is upset when you say something totally fair). you have every right to explain - calmly, politely - that you don't like it when she does that.

If she's sensitive, it's even more important than usual to show compassion, though. Start with the compassion, then move on to the problem.

Start with: "I understand how sensitive you feel about these things and that it's really difficult for you when you feel like you've done something wrong, but sometimes when you tell me you're upset I feel like I can't bring up my own needs - like in this situation. How do you think we could speak to each other differently to make sure we don't end up feeling resentful of each other and neither of us is getting upset?"

Invite her into the discussion - don't just tell her what to do/what not to do - so you can talk about it as adults and as equals.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by elepheyes

I have a friend who is easily offended. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her, since the situations that offend her seem so absolutely neutral and non-offensive to me. I usually validate her feelings and then try to point out how no one actually did anything wrong as carefully as possible.

I accidentally offended her the other day when I asked her to stop banging repeatedly on a bell that makes a high-pitched noise because I had a headache. She told me I hurt her feelings and offended her. I was speechless and didn't pursue the issue.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can better handle these situations because I don't have a clue.

Why was she doing such an obnoxious thing to begin with?? Was she seeking attention? Was she looking to start a fight?