Family Troubles

Wondering if I should call my mother. She stormed out over the holidays, and has had no contact with me or my children. She is a very difficult person, perfectionist, controlling, spoiled a total narcissist. She is alone my dad remarried years ago, and she is still alone, no surprise. This has happened many times in my life, and being middle age now, im starting to get very tired of it. I have made no effort this time to contact her, at all. Usually i have to go back and beg, apologize..etc even if its not my fault.
Im actually feeling feelings of freedom, relief, and happiness. but guilt because she is alone. she is not sick, has means, and its fine on her own. thoughts?

Sorry you are having trouble with mom. I am not sure who should make first move. Sound like she is stuck in a pattern.

I found this article explained a lot about people who I know that are stuck
Do Parents Nurture Narcissists By Pouring On The Praise? : Shots - Health News : NPR

Leave her be. In my experience, people like her (and my own mother) don't change. The phone works both ways, so she's not making any effort to improve the situation.

Since you are usually the one to break the ice after a falling out, that is what she is waiting for. Stick to your truth . . . that you are not the one who is at fault and should apologize. That doesn't mean that you must wait for her to make the next move. You really should feel free to do what you want. If not having her around feels kind of good, then consider just enjoying that for a bit longer. Alternatively, if you would like some contact with her, it would be okay for you to tender her an invitation. You could invite her over for Easter dinner, or some occasion like that. You could invite her out to lunch, just the two of you.

It may be so not in her nature to apologize that she just can't. I wouldn't require an apology. She may need for you to make the next move. You can do that, while still being unwilling to put up with bad behavior. You could call and ask if you could stop by to see her. You might bring coffee cake or something that she'ld like to share with you. In a way, going to visit her might be safest. If she acts bad when you are there, you can always leave. That can be better than having her in your house. It eliminates the need for her to storm out, if her nose gets out of joint.

You could stop by, act nice and see what she does. She may feel that she needs to save face. This could give her an opportunity to do that. Maybe, if you visit, she will surprise you and act nice.