[seawhale]

She recently joined our department, I am interested in marriage, not dating, I know that I don't know her well to marry her but for several reasons I believe that we may match.

I added her on Facebook after the first talk, she did not accept the friend request till now (about three week), she might got scared from my quick action and I consider this.

We talked several times now, I really like her, I told her the last time I added you, she said she has no internet connection and she told me please don't be sad because of not accepting the request, which is clearly shows that she is so conservative about accepting friend requests from people she doesn't know well.

The problem in brief now that most probably she doesn't know about my intentions, she may believes that I just want to date her and hang out with her which is not the case, I am really looking for wife.

Actually the other problem that I see her very few times, may be only once a week and I don't have any chance to really develop good bond with her.

I am thinking now to send her a message to her Facebook explaining everything clearly and honestly to cut it short. Is that recommended?

[palerefraction]

First and foremost, don't marry people you work with. It is a relationship most people do not know how to have. Your work life becomes your home life, and you have no home life because it is your work life.
I think she is probably very intimidated by such quick actions, I agree with you there. These feelings may be why she said she has no internet. I know I have fibbed like that to people when I want them to stop bothering me about something.
She may have different approaches to this "relationship" and I highly suggest that you spend more time with her before you send any impersonal messages online about wanting to marry her- this will not sit well for most women.

[yunomi]

Uh i don't think that "rush" way is effective. Maybe you should learn more about her first? how she acts around you, does she feel comfortable with you or not, something small like that. If she doesn't feel comfortable she'll push you away no matter how good you intention is

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by palerefraction

First and foremost, don't marry people you work with. It is a relationship most people do not know how to have. Your work life becomes your home life, and you have no home life because it is your work life.
I think she is probably very intimidated by such quick actions, I agree with you there. These feelings may be why she said she has no internet. I know I have fibbed like that to people when I want them to stop bothering me about something.
She may have different approaches to this "relationship" and I highly suggest that you spend more time with her before you send any impersonal messages online about wanting to marry her- this will not sit well for most women.

My explanation was not accurate actually, she is sitting with us in the same area / office but she belongs to another department and I don't have any shared work with her and as I mentioned I go to the head office only once a week.

My problem is that I really don't see her much and I don't like waiting, because I really can't develop a bond with her in these few times and colleagues around us, I am a straight forward person and always like to take the shortest and most obvious ways.

I decided not to send her any messages because this will worsen the situation.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by yunomi

Uh i don't think that "rush" way is effective. Maybe you should learn more about her first? how she acts around you, does she feel comfortable with you or not, something small like that. If she doesn't feel comfortable she'll push you away no matter how good you intention is

I am not sure about her comfortability, she talks with me in a good way, but for sure she understands that I admire her or that I am interested disregarding what she thinks about my intention.

Shall I cancel the friend request and end the topic?

[seawhale]

I sometimes really feel confused about how girls think.

She sees me interested in her, a colleague added her to Facebook, what could possible be wrong with accepting my friend request, she will never lose anything.

If she is in a relationship already, she will inform me afterwards.
If she is not interested, she will tell me.
If she is not sure from my intentions, she will figure it out after she gets to know me.
If she doesn't know me well till now, she will know me better after we chat on Facebook.

What is the problem? If I was a girl and I see a good interested person, I would give him the chance to express himself, to say what he wants, and If I didn't feel comfortable, there are lots of ways to push me away.

Very strange really.

May I change my profile cover photo with an indirect message to her when she checks my profile?

[palerefraction]

Originally Posted by seawhale

I am not sure about her comfortability, she talks with me in a good way, but for sure she understands that I admire her or that I am interested disregarding what she thinks about my intention.

Shall I cancel the friend request and end the topic?

keep the friend request, but you say you have no time to see her. if you like her, find some interests (a band, likes coffee, etc) and ask her on a date. make the time

Originally Posted by seawhale

She recently joined our department, I am interested in marriage, not dating, I know that I don't know her well to marry her but for several reasons I believe that we may match.

I added her on Facebook after the first talk, she did not accept the friend request till now (about three week), she might got scared from my quick action and I consider this.

We talked several times now, I really like her, I told her the last time I added you, she said she has no internet connection and she told me please don't be sad because of not accepting the request, which is clearly shows that she is so conservative about accepting friend requests from people she doesn't know well.

The problem in brief now that most probably she doesn't know about my intentions, she may believes that I just want to date her and hang out with her which is not the case, I am really looking for wife.

Actually the other problem that I see her very few times, may be only once a week and I don't have any chance to really develop good bond with her.

I am thinking now to send her a message to her Facebook explaining everything clearly and honestly to cut it short. Is that recommended?

As a female, it is generally not acceptable to me if a man I barely know (i.e. haven't dated for quite some time and only know from casual conversation in the office) tells me he is interested in me and his intentions are toward marriage. This would make me pretty uncomfortable.

If you work with this woman (regardless of whether it is in the same department or not), saying this to someone could be constituted as harassment. Dating coworkers can be very tricky; I make it a policy not to, but some people choose to do so, and that's up to them. If you wish to pursue this, I would tread very lightly.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by misskeena

As a female, it is generally not acceptable to me if a man I barely know (i.e. haven't dated for quite some time and only know from casual conversation in the office) tells me he is interested in me and his intentions are toward marriage. This would make me pretty uncomfortable.


If you work with this woman (regardless of whether it is in the same department or not), saying this to someone could be constituted as harassment. Dating coworkers can be very tricky; I make it a policy not to, but some people choose to do so, and that's up to them. If you wish to pursue this, I would tread very lightly.

Thank you.

That means I shouldn't take any further actions now, just tread lightly by talking gently to her when possible.

It will take too much time as I see her few times only.

[yunomi]

Originally Posted by seawhale

I am not sure about her comfortability, she talks with me in a good way, but for sure she understands that I admire her or that I am interested disregarding what she thinks about my intention.

Even if she talks to you in a good/friendly way, doesn't mean she's comfortable or anything. Maybe she doesn't want to be rude.
Well I've been in her position too and it wasn't so easy to tell him that i'm not interested at all without sounding rude.

[~Christina]

I am a bit shocked and can't understand that your not interested in dating her, why the "I want to marry her?" You want to marry someone you don't know? what if her personal thoughts and opinions are the total opposite of yours?

Maybe a mail order bride service would work for you?

This has me very confused and that doesn't happen very often.