Sexual Past of Girlfriend

Hey, 19 year old guy in a 10 month relationship with an 18 year old girl. Before I started dating this girl, I had not done anything besides makeout with a girl. She had two previous boyfriends, one of which she had done most everything but sex with. A few months into my relationship, I found out in between her and my ex, she hooked up with my best friend and I never knew about this. It killed me. Even though it was before I was even in the picture, knowing this truth has hurt me to this day. I've been coping with it for a half year now and it sucks. The problem is, I love this girl so much and we have such a good dynamic and everything feels right except I can't forget her past. I feel if I had some sort of sexual history it wouldn't hurt as bad. I always picture her and my former best friend together and it just burns a hole in me. My girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other and our sexual life is amazing. Why is this bugging me so much? I love this girl and I don't want to let her go, but how do I forget her past?

Hi hsauce180

Thank you for introducing yourself to us here at Psychcentral.

Welcome.

This is a great place to be for online support.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with some thoughts regarding your girlfriends past sexual history.

I can see how this would be the case.

I have found an interesting article that you may wish to read that deals with this specific topic.

Sure, I understand that some points raised may not personally be relevant to your situation at hand, but there are some very valid points in this article that are worth considering.

10 Ways To Deal with Your Partner's Sexual History Article:

10 Ways To Deal With Your Partner?s Sexual Past (Because You Have To) | The Date Report

Take care and please let us know how you go.

These questions would best be discussed with your parents.

That is an excellent article, hope it helps the OP.

Just wanted to chip in my OH was very obsessed with my past when we got together, the irony is I was a virgin and so my past was very tame. He didn't even like the idea of me so much as having kissed another guy, which was pretty much all I had done, whereas he'd had many partners (didn't bother me as it was in the past before he knew me and I trust him). IMO it was insecurity driving his obsession, although I didn't understand that at the time, it was hard for me to cope with it. Jealousy is very destructive and when it's retrospective it's impossible to do anything about it.

She's with you now and that's all that counts - please see point 10 on the list.

She should have disclosed that she had been with your best friend near the beginning of your relationship, not several months later.

You may not have felt betrayed, but i'm sure you felt blindsided.

Perhaps you are anxious about the possibility of them hooking up again?

I really don't think you having multiple partners would make any difference to the way you feel. She lost her virginity to you, so she obviously felt something for you that she didn't feel for anyone else.

I'm just curious why you'd say that?

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OP, sounds like these are intrusive thoughts. Is there an underlying fear that you'd imagine her doing something she isn't doing? Is there a rift between you and your best friend? Had he told you about this before? Doesn't sound like he did, although commendable of him for not kissing and telling. Maybe this has more to do with your friendship than your girlfriend??

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