My Family

I've always been treated differently in my family, getting yelled at more, less respect than anyone else. And what's worse, is they should know all the awful things I've been through to lead me to the place I am now, but still no one cares.
A simple thing like sleep is impossible for me. I live in the basement of my family's home, there's constant noise coming from the floor above, I'll ask the family to keep it down, but no, because it's after 12pm I should be awake and willing to take the BS they dish out. Everyday I feel like my mental state is getting worse, I'm sooo angry, more so than I ever have been on a regular basis. I have no idea how to preserve what little mental stability I have left.
I don't have a job, therefore I don't need sleep and I also don't deserve the respect that all the other family members my age receives. There is no talking to these people, believe me I've tried. Now I yell at everyone because no one hears what I've been saying for years and they all look down on me, like I'm the criminal.
I feel soo stressed, depressed and suicidal, I haven't felt I can work in years. I want to move out soo bad, but I can't with no money. I've been waiting to hear from ODSP (disability) for months now, just so I can get rejected and have to apply all over again. I have no friends that I can stay over, I have no money to even go chill at a coffee shop and cool down for an hour.
..Help me..

You might find that life is still quite difficult for you in the outside world, if you do move out. However it sounds like you could do with a more supportive environment.

I wish you luck finding a solution.

Hi BorderlineCat420,

Sorry you are having a tough time, and no one else in your household seems to be supportive towards you. It sounds like you're doing something you could do to help yourself in applying for disability, and if you receive that, then perhaps you'll have a little more autonomy.

In the meantime, maybe there are other social services you can get through your town/province? I don't understand how Canadian social services work, but usually if you are disabled and low income here in the US, there are some services you can take advantage of and get support. One are independent living centers, and I know Toronto has one: Centre for Independent Living in Toronto If you haven't already checked them out, maybe that's somewhere to start.

They might be able to provide referrals to people who can help you, as well as support groups for depression and stress and counselors -- if you want them.

In the meantime, given your less-than-supportive living situation, is there any way to make things more livable there until you can move out? (projecting here that at some point in the near future you will) I'm thinking sanity measures, such as letting a fan run on high at the corner of your bed (but facing away from you) or an air purifier to make white noise to mask some of the noise coming from above you and a good, solid set of earplugs from the pharmacy? This might at least muffle or drown out the sound to the extent where it won't wake you.

If one of the major annoyances is being confronted by other household members about your not working and judgment about your disability, finding a way to be around them less may also help... In other words, don't have a reason to interact much if you can limit it. And when you do, keep it to the bare necessities, because trying to interact with people who don't listen or don't care is only going to depress you more.

I don't know how self-contained your basement is, but I'm thinking at least get a small bar fridge for it and maybe a hot plate, and eat your meals down there. Carve out your own life and spend less time around people who put you down and don't listen to what you say. (I don't know if you have the equivalent of free cycle, but sometimes people give away small fridges and hot plates for free -- especially college students at the end of the semester, though some try to sell them for less than full price.)

In your shoes, I'd try shifting my hours to wake up before others in the house did, make coffee, and take it in a thermos to somewhere else.

Maybe go to a library or a public lounge somewhere where no one cares one is hanging out there to read a book or use a laptop or whatever. Just to get some space and change of scenery from the house. (Or do it later in the day, but try to slip out unnoticed if people are busybodies about your not working and have some comment to make every time they see you.)

I've been in a similar situation. It really sucks. I found the best thing for me to do was get out on my own and sleep at home but not spend most of my time there otherwise. I forced myself to go to free events and support groups, and spent time over a friend's house... anything to not be at home. It helped me to not only not have to constantly deal with the judgmental vibes of others but really helped me to independently start getting my head together at the time.

Good luck. I hope things improve for you.