Communication with my family

I'm a 22 year old guy and live with my parents and sister. My problem is that I don't talk to them even though they've never hurt me (not to my knowledge) to deserve this treatment. Whenever they ask me something, I reply with one word at most. Even if my day has been great, as soon as they try to communicate with me, I (in 95% of the cases) get very distant and almost don't reply. Plus, I go to school and work so they only see me on the weekends.

I have no problem talking to my best friend or my colleagues, even though I'm not the chattiest person in the world. When it comes to my family, however, I suddenly feel some kind of a block as if I didn't want to get close to them. They feel like I don't care about them, which I of course do. It's as if I was afraid of getting close to them. I still have no idea why. I don't think it could have something to do with my childhood, since it was alright and they have always loved me.

I don't understand my behavior and I know I'm hurting them. They all are getting pretty mad because of this but how am I supposed to tell them why I'm being so withdrawn if I don't know? Is there any way to find out why?

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) Quietus. Sorry to hear you are having trouble talking with people and your parents. I think it is a universal thing that children want to hide their precious jewels of who they are from the probing eyes of parents. Maybe parents try to control and the only way to maintain an identity is to just not talk.

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I'm not reading that there's negative behavior, per se. Not everyone is wired to behave like a social butterfly, the moment asked how their day was, etc.
I do this a lot, myself. healingme4me, how's the kids? Oh they're doing great.
If my mind is focused elsewhere such as wondering about other things or thinking about other things ..it's an equivalent question to how was your day? Just fine, thank you. How was yours.
Conversations work both ways.
Pleasantries can be fine and dandy, yet, they are just that, pleasantries.
Are there other ways that you can show that you care?

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What goes through your mind when they start to talk to you?

Of course, not everybody can behave like a social butterfly, but a normal person at least talks to their family. I know I will never be able to talk to them about personal stuff, but talking about everyday things should work (how was school, how was work...).

Just now my mother yelled at me again wanting a REASON why I'm being the way I am. As I said, I myself have no idea. I told her I would try to behave normally but that I couldn't give a reason why.

When they start to talk to me, I feel like I want them to leave me alone. As if I was afraid of getting closer to them. Or maybe I feel like the everyday stuff isn't worth talking about anyway. It's really a hard situation. Imagine a house where 4 people live and one of them is acting like he doesn't care about any of them. + we really see each other just on the weekends; on weekdays, I leave home early and come home very late.

I know these sound like problems of a 15 year old.

There are lots of personal things I don't feel comfortable sharing with 1) my parents but my boyfriend is fine 2) not even my boyfriend 3) only Psych Central (I like the community here)

My point is that all of us feel comfortable discussing different things with different people in different degrees and there is nothing wrong with this. As long as you have some sort of outlet for all that's on your mind that's all that is really needed.

But of course if you feel like you want to get closer to your family and discuss deeper issues, it is a good idea to open up to them. You can even write a letter and give it to them to read. That may be easier than verbally starting a deep conversation out of the blue.

Can you share what you have written here with them? In writing, not saying it.

There are ways besides talking to show people that you care about them, too. Doing household tasks that you know they don't like to do, making food or a drink for them, bringing little gifts for them.

That's not to say that it wouldn't be good to be able to have everyday talk with them. If everyone relaxes, it will probably be easier for you to do.

I think it is hard for a 22 year old to live with their parents. Little stresses seem larger if they happen every day. You need privacy, too, because you are an adult.

hi quietus
i think candc gives you some good advice. this sounds like it really bothers you. maybe summoning up the courage to tell them what you have written here would let them know you are aware of the issue just dont know how to address it. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Hey don't worry, all will be well. Why don't you go for counselling as a counsellor would help you definitely with there exercise and therapy.

Well, it's been 4 months since my first post here. For a few days it seemed
like it was ok but the situation's very bad again. My mother has been threatening
me that if I keep acting like this (not communicating), she'll make my life a living hell (which is a was of saying it's hurting her, I am sure about that).

But the one thing I can't understand is WHY. This has been driving me crazy. Why do I feel crappy every Friday knowing I'll have to spend the weekend with my family? I always feel like I'd prefer spending the weekend at work, even when I'm exhausted. I feel like it'd be better than being with them.

Why do I feel FREE on Mondays knowing I'll just be at work all the time without my family? Why don't I ever miss them? Where should I look for the answer? I don't know anyone with a problem like this. It's really been driving me crazy and I don't wanna deal with it anymore. It's like I don't wanna be close to them. Trying to talk to them makes me feel weird.
THIS SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD! Then why is it? They have never done anything to hurt me, as far as I know. Could it be that I'm bearing some blame/reproach against them without knowing it?

If I look back on when I was 19, 20, on and off this has been going on for years. I have no idea what to do.

Hi there. I'm sorry to hear that the problems aren't any better.

Is it possible for you to move out and live somewhere else? With friends or a flatmate or your own apartment?

I am imagining myself when I was 22. If I had been living with my parents, there would have been talking, but I'm afraid a lot of it would have been yelling.

It's a tough age to live with your parents.

A silly, joke saying that I've heard before is: "How can I miss you if you won't go away?"

Maybe you would have more interest in talking to your parents and sister if you lived apart from them.