[risingstar]

Hello,

I am from Pakistan and looking for your support. This question may be a bit different to people living in Western culture where dating and living together is common. I live in a country where it is common to have arrange marriage beside dating or what we call love marriage.

I first got married in 2000 and I love my wife. However, due to combined family system, my parents created lots of fight between us by creating misunderstandings between us. The result was stressing home environment, job losses and life without much fun and lots of fight. Eventually, I gave her divorce in 2007. I have no child from her.

In 2008, I got arranged married again to a woman that I do not like much because she was already divorced and her father said she was married to person who couldn't do sex. The only thing I liked about her was her fair color. However, later I found, that she is not a virgin and her age is not what her father told us. She was older that that.

As I already did not like her much and within a couple of weeks I found few more things, I entered into a love less marriage. Neither I liked her by face thoroughly, nor by the lie her family told me. After just a month passed to our marriage, I came to know she was pregnant. From that day, till to date, in past 7 years, I am in a constant state confusion to leave her or not to leave her because of children. I have 3 children now with her.

I do not live in a combined family system, with my parents but I stay sad all the time. My heart was first broken when my first marriage ended and now there is no happiness due to disliking my 2nd wife and the lie her family told.

I have discussed and fought on this issue thousands of times with my wife, however at the end I do not find a clear answer or what to do with parents or how to find a woman in my current situation that I love.

I lost jobs dozens of times because I do not feel anything good in life. I am getting kind of alone, with no friends and family to support especially in past 7 or years. At times, I feel like a machine who should not have any emotions. I am expressionless. I do not know should I continue with this or leave my 2nd wife and find love.

In my culture and religion, I could have 2 wives. But I do not feel like finding another one when she is with me and I don't want to leave her because of children. This two way stress sometimes tears my head apart. As I am spiritual by nature, so I turn my attention towards God.

I am 40 now, I do not know what to do, as without job I am not sure how long my savings will help me. Should I move to a new city? Should I divorce her or go for keeping 2 wives? Should I move to Canada and look for love? How can I look for love when my kids are around and I am living with my wife? Please give your suggestions.

[eeyorestail]

What will happen to your wife if you divorce her? Specifically, what will her financial situation be; will she have access to your children; will she be able to remarry; and how will she be looked at by your community.

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[Webgoji]

2 wives? One is enough work for any guy.

I think the starting place is working on getting past the lie that set up the arrangement. It sounds like it was her family, not her, that told you things that weren't true and I would suggest working on getting around that confusion. Secondly, getting past her first divorce. Once you guys are on the same page, then you can start working on the rest.

So once you've worked through the way your marriage started, you should both make a list of your differences and grievances and see how to work through them. You may find that as you let go of the past and work through your problems that you grow to love each other.

[kathymendoza]

It is possible that you take divorce from your wife and take custody of your children but then here it is important that you take a good legal experts advice.