How fast and how soon?

I am not sure what red flag you mean? Him worrying? It is very much opposite of red flag. My mother is battling cancer and at that time was just out if surgery, I was gone all day and not replying to his texts and calls. I don't memorize phone numbers so I have no ways to call him
From other numbers. He really worried something happened to my mom. He is a devoted son himself so he worried

. We also both live in a busy area and commute bumper to bumper on the road that has daily accidents to top it off ice and snow! It is worrisome if people don't reply. So it meant that he is caring person which he is. He might not be available but he for sure is caring

Maybe you misunderstood or I did

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We did talk about it. We don't know yet where it is going as we haven't been dating long enough. We need to get to know each other more to see where it is going long term.

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True about 3 kids. They aren't young though. But it is extra work regardless.

I left my bf of 8 years and am still friends with his adult daughters but they were grown and we are still very close. It was tough to leave him partially because of leaving his daughters.

But I can't find a man with no kids. At my age or older they all have kids. I do know they demand affection regardless of age, I am a mother. I also teach. One of his kids is special needs and I am special Ed teacher. Kids don't scare me but I do agree it is a lot of work.

I thought about it...

Thanks!


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I probably flagged based upon personal experience, where overzealous attempts to reach me by phone have been based upon control tactics; stated unfamiliar with why in your own life, it would have been appropriate at that time.
I just got out of therapy, so forgive the questions if not remotely close, and your thread is discussing flags, unease and the like...with desiring emotional intimacy,(was that the word, from the beginning?)...do you find yourself as taken for granted as a pattern in your own life? Though not the one chasing, but as can be counted on to be there?

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Oh there is no control on his part. Just a genuine concern which is a good thing. I see now what you meant, it didn't apply to my situation

Now as about emotional intimacy And never being number one. I just find people who are not fully there for me for whatever reasons. I am attracted to people who are just my father. I left my SO of 8 years who loved me so much BUT has substance abuse issue so again not there fully, can't be. There is always something. With this guy it is being too busy etc etc eventually I do feel taken fur granted



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Well, the two of us, have something in common. I guess, now what/where/when/how...and a *whiny* why?

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"Why" I think because that's all I know growing up, never knew anything different. My t says first step of healing us to recognize it and be aware. It took me that many years to be aware that there is a pattern

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It's good, if there's even a good or bad in it, to recognize the pattern as quickly as you just did.
From your OP, sounds like a lead up to when?

When is important.

Have you had the future conversation, yet? I like the standard work performance standard of, within three months, you know it's a fit or not. I can't see why that cannot translate to a romantic relationship.

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We did kind of talked and both agreed it is too early to tell. We both in agreement that we either live together or marry ( in general not each other per se) only if it is all very right. We are too old to be hasty. To know if it is right we need time. It hasn't even been two months. And he is traveling overseas soon for 3 weeks yo be With his ailing mother.

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I feel I'd want more closeness myself, as a guy.

However, I'd also feel intimidated about initiating it because of my issues and I'd feel bad about asking to talk about it in the first place because I feel other people's rhythms are more long-term based than mine.

It seems you have talked about it with your partner, and that you have figured what it works out for you. It all comes down to the two individuals making that relationship so it's what works best. I'm glad you're doing fine and I hope everything is okay with your mom's health.

Then sounds like a good start

Hope all is ok with both your moms' health. Never easy in that regard

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Thank you for your support. Mom starts chemo next week. Just healed from surgery. Colon cancer.



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I hope it is a good start just still have uneasy feeling either because there is an issue or because it is just going slow but then again maybe slow is good?

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Well how does it work out for you though. Do you feel content with things going at the pace they have been going, or do you feel like things could go faster?

Whether it's good or bad depends on how you are approaching the relationship.

I wanted them faster but I have bad judgement about men . I often live in a fantasy and am not seeing things clearly. It hasn't been long enough at all, I am just paranoid due to past experiences

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I've heard that if it feels uncomfortable, after being used to comfort in patterns that left you longing, there's a good chance that discomfort could mean something better has arrived. ?

Totally can be. I just need to be patient and give it time. Thanks again

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Thanks for this, you've touched upon my own current therapy with this...

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I hope that wasn't a bad thing?

Nothing triggering. A piece of the bigger puzzle.