[aarondogg33]

I have a young cousin who is 13. She is very pretty and great at sports. She and I were pretty tight, talked a lot. Lately our conversations have been few and far between unless I initiate them. She says its not anything I have done. I know shes busy with her sports, family etc. I talked to her sister and apparently a boy she liked dumped her and his friends have been harassing her.\

I want to be there for her, we used to talk and it bothers me she hasn't opened up to me about it, and the fact we hardly talk. I think of this girl as a younger sister. I have told her over and over I am there for her 24/7, but I don't want to alienate her.

Anyone got advice? I don't want us to continue to drift, but at the same time I don't want to push her.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi aarondogg33

Thank you for introducing yourself to us.

Welcome to Psych Central.

This is a great place to be for online support.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with relationship issues with your cousin.

You share an emotional bond with her - you consider her to be your young sister.

I am glad though that you are initiating conversation with her.

It's hard though if she does not choose to reciprocate and communicate with you.

I really think that on the basis of what you have written, she is struggling with some issues which is resulting in her being unwilling to open up to you.

It's hard to change behaviour.

And it's a really bitter pill to swallow when we realise we possibly face too many barriers to change the behaviour of others. Sometimes it's not our place if it's not the right time for them ..... this can be a real challenge to accept .....

However, I would like to take a moment here to ackowledge the other side here.

I have found a great article here on strategies for communication.

I really don't believe that you are using the "wrong strategies" with her.

She's just in a difficult place.

She's young and still learning.

But I just thought I'd put this article out there if you possible wanted to consider alternative approaches with her

6 Strategies to Become a Better Communicator | World of Psychology

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Take care.

Hooli

[aarondogg33]

Thanks. It is just eating away. I try not to take it personally. I just am lost at what I can do, plus I miss the special bond/talks we had. I hope things change, but I have no reason to believe it will.

I understand how this is frustrating. I have been in a similar situation with a cousin of mine just a bit younger than me that I consider my younger sister. I think what is important, for a person you care a lot about, is to let them know you're there to listen whenever they want to talk. Being persistent in trying to make small talk (if your cousin is not comfortable opening up about deeper issues yet) every now and then will help her feel more comfortable to open up later. With this said, I agree with what you said about making sure you do not alienate her by trying too hard. Give it time, and her reciprocal care for you will show sooner or later. Don't let if affect you too much...