[where.ever.you.are.]

I was involved briefly with this woman who is 30 years old. She is distraught because i've been telling her that im not interested in committing to anyone at this point in my life. She says that shes in love with me. But the fact is, she does not know me well enough to be in love with me and I certainly am not in love with her. She know's this and is not taking it lightly.

I want to be her friend but she is making it impossible. She keeps telling me how depressed she is and how she cries herself to sleep. I apologized for the fact that she's hurting and told her that I would love to be friends with her down the road when she heals. Last night she told me that she feel's like she want's to kill herself... And she is serious. What am I supposed to do? I made her make an appointment with a therapist but she can't get in until May. I feel responsible for her now. I called her last night and stayed on the phone to make sure she didnt do anything dramatic.

I really dont know what to do. The only thing thats going to make her happy is if I get into a relationship with her but I do not want to be with her. Im starting to get really annoyed at all of her whining, but when I EXPRESS that, she just gets even more upset. Should I just stick it out until May when she see's the doctor? This is stressful and I feel bad because I know how much depression can hurt. But I dont want her life resting on my shoulders.

I want to distance myself from her because I feel like, if she disconnects from me, she can be able to let go and heal. But when I try to do this, she takes it as me "not caring". I do care about her as a friend, I just can't keep watching her in pain when I know that im the reason.

[Nammu]

She sounds manipulative. It is not right of someone to hold another hostage by emotional threats, tell her if she is serious you will call 911 for assistance or take her to a hospital. Do not allow her to continue trying to hold you responsible for her feelings.

I've been suicidal before but I've never and no one should be using suicide to manipulate another person. If it were me I would call 911 and tell them what she is doing and tell them you are concerned she will follow though if she doesn't get what she wants( a relationship with you) and let them deal with her. Tell her you will no longer listen or talk to her if she is going to threaten you.

[where.ever.you.are.]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

She sounds manipulative. It is not right of someone to hold another hostage by emotional threats, tell her if she is serious you will call 911 for assistance or take her to a hospital. Do not allow her to continue trying to hold you responsible for her feelings.

I've been suicidal before but I've never and no one should be using suicide to manipulate another person. If it were me I would call 911 and tell them what she is doing and tell them you are concerned she will follow though if she doesn't get what she wants( a relationship with you) and let them deal with her. Tell her you will no longer listen or talk to her if she is going to threaten you.

I actually got angry at her when she told me because I thought it was just some childish immature way for her to get me to feel sorry for her. So I immediately went off on her and told her that she was being abusive. (Might not have been the best thing for me to do.) But then I thought to myself "Okay what if she really is serious?" So I told her I was going to call the cops. She said she regretted admitting that suicidal thought to me. I dont know. This girl needs help. I don't want her to do something stupid and leave me feeling guilty for the rest of my life.

I mean, i've felt really sh*tty after break ups but I dont sit there and recite my miserable depression on the other person!

[A Red Panda]

Can you contact someone else in her life and let them know what she's saying? You could always ask them to step in.

[Bill3]

You might want to read about emotional blackmail:

Out of the FOG - Emotional Blackmail

If she threatens imminent suicide call 911.

Originally Posted by where.ever.you.are.

I was involved briefly with this woman who is 30 years old. She is distraught because i've been telling her that im not interested in committing to anyone at this point in my life. She says that shes in love with me. But the fact is, she does not know me well enough to be in love with me and I certainly am not in love with her. She know's this and is not taking it lightly.

I want to be her friend but she is making it impossible. She keeps telling me how depressed she is and how she cries herself to sleep. I apologized for the fact that she's hurting and told her that I would love to be friends with her down the road when she heals. Last night she told me that she feel's like she want's to kill herself... And she is serious. What am I supposed to do? I made her make an appointment with a therapist but she can't get in until May. I feel responsible for her now. I called her last night and stayed on the phone to make sure she didnt do anything dramatic.

I really dont know what to do. The only thing thats going to make her happy is if I get into a relationship with her but I do not want to be with her. Im starting to get really annoyed at all of her whining, but when I EXPRESS that, she just gets even more upset. Should I just stick it out until May when she see's the doctor? This is stressful and I feel bad because I know how much depression can hurt. But I dont want her life resting on my shoulders.

I want to distance myself from her because I feel like, if she disconnects from me, she can be able to let go and heal. But when I try to do this, she takes it as me "not caring". I do care about her as a friend, I just can't keep watching her in pain when I know that im the reason.

She's using emotional blackmail - hardly something that would attract you to her. Maybe she doesn't realize it. If I were you I'd consider being straight up with her and tell her that friends/lovers do not threaten us with self-harm if we don't do as they say.

Its easy to fall into that trap, either way, the user or the used, I have to be on guard, I don't want to be included in either category. Vigilance is required.

she's blackmailing you. it's her life, her responsibility. get out of this relationship and cut her out of your life, she sounds absolutely toxic.

[eskielover]

Honestly when I was married & couldn't stand being trapped in the marriage, I meant the suicide attempts I made & I never told anyone about them. I wasn't using it as blackmail....I was really attempting to get out because I felt that it was my only way to get free from being trapped.

You are definitely being manipulated by her just as the others have said....you are better out of this mess. Her life is her issue.....but I would also confront her about the fact that you will not TOLERATE being manipulated by her & that is exactly what she is doing.

[divine1966]

I did it once, I was very young, told someone I am going to kill myself. I was not suicidal I just said it to manipulate. It was very very wrong.

Most likely she isn't even suicidal.

I don't get it why wait till may? When I needed therapy o called the clinic and said I need ASAP and got in next day. Years ago I also wanted ASAP and had to wait three days. May? For potentially suicidal person? Hhhmmm

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

From what you've written, I can't tell whether your friend is trying to emotionally blackmail you or not. She may have just been telling you how she felt. Also, just because she is feeling suicidal doesn't mean that she's actually going to kill herself.

I think your feeling of responsibility for her is admirable, but probably isn't good for her, and I think you know this but don't know what else to do. I can see that. It would be good if there is another person who knows her, friend or family, who will take on the responsibility to keep an eye on her.

I was in a situation somewhat similar to this once. It was over a break-up. I wasn't suicidal, but I was extremely upset - my emotions were so strong that it felt like I was being ripped apart. I couldn't sleep and I cried constantly.

The guy in the situation was like you - worried about me and still wanted to be friends. I wanted to stay friends, too, and we did, but looking back now, I would have healed a lot faster if he had completely disappeared from my life.

How emotionally stable was your friend before this happened? Do you know if she has any other episodes like this in her past?

When you say that there's no therapist available until May, do you mean a particular therapist, or no therapist anywhere near where you live?

I ask because it seems like this woman needs to get some help as fast as possible, even if it involves a visit to the emergency room.

Sometimes if you go to your primary care doctor and tell them what's going on, they can help you to get an appt. for mental health care faster. Even a gynecologist can help sometimes.

I hope you are able to extract yourself from this situation. I don't see that you have any reason to feel guilty and you are behaving better than 99% of the people I know would.

[Artchic528]

First off, you shouldn't have gotten involved with your friend romantically if you had no intention of perusing a relationship with her. That is just plain wrong and sets you both up for pain. I mean, one could call you a tease or player or something. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you are those things, it's just that you went about things all wrong from the beginning.

She IS manipulating you though, so best distance yourself from her and call 911 when you feel things warrant it.

[A Red Panda]

Artchic, I read the OP's post totally differently.

It sounded to me as if the OP and the woman started to date casually - who knows if they were friends or not. The OP said that he didn't want anything serious and went to end it. The woman wanted more. That isn't using someone, nor wrong. He ended things when he realized that she wanted something that he didn't - that's the responsible thing to do.