[sydbristol]

I'm sorry if this isn't in any order that makes sense but I really need advice from either a therapist or someone who understands this disorder.

My boyfriend recently broke up with me because "It just wasn't clicking." and "I'm just numb." He has problems connecting emotionally. Most of this I knew before we started dating, but I didn't pay much attention since bad relationships can really mess you up. There was warning signs like becoming so engrossed in work he would suffer from insomnia and shake all night long, and he generally works much harder than his coworkers and I've seen his boss take advantage of this. He used to talk to me, and then he got this new job that was slightly complicated where he was completely preoccupied with it. At any point he wasn't being distracted by something I knew his mind was on it.

He started to use terms to explain his personal relationships like, "Everyone leaves eventually so there's no point in getting attached." or "I'm just numb." or "I'm scared all the time." The small amount of talk I could get out of him he was unable to cope with the future because he couldn't plan it. H only has 2 real friends he talks to, and one is my roommate the other is a guy who is married.

He's incredibly sweet, 36 years old now and probably been like this most of his life. I was his first girlfriend after years of being single. When he broke up with me I was devastated, I was emotionally supportive, we were never able to be intimate. I told him that these were not normal thoughts and speaking to someone like a therapist would be a good idea. I tried some holistic medicine but he wouldn't take it.

The breakup was weird, he had gotten distant but I gave him space so he could focus on his new job. I could see in his eyes he was clearly upset, but he'd say things like, "You're better off without me." and "You'll meet someone new who can treat you better." There was nothing I could do to convince him I was fine.

He insisted on staying friends, which I want of course because he's an incredible person. No one supports me when I say I care, its either cut him out of your life or its not your problem. I don't know anyone who can give me a serious answer. I'm the only one who knows he has these problems and I can't just turn away. It doesn't feel right, when we were close we were really close. He used to even say "I'm so lucky I found you, you take such good care of me."

I need closure and I can't get it from him because he wont talk. My roommate said it sounded like some form of PTSD. But I can't stop beating myself up. I feel like I should have taken it slower, and with his new job he just went back to being numb again. I know he doesn't like the job that much, but he's stuck in a contract for a year. He guilt trips himself like crazy even when things aren't his fault. He's gone for weeks at a time. I haven't seen him in a month, and we talk every now and then. I had a big emotional dump on him through an email only because I was just given the cold shoulder so suddenly. It probably wasn't the right thing to do but none of my friends are any kind of understanding.

I need to know how to talk to him, if I should talk to him. Do I tell him how he makes me feel and remind him of how much he means to me or do I just go back to being that really fun friend he had? I feel like he probably feels incredibly guilty, but I'm sure he's not ready to push me out entirely and if that's true he needs to come to terms with whats going on. If I don't know how to approach him, I might push him away. I'm not even sure whats wrong with him outside the anxiety. I know he needs to want to help himself, but I wont let myself be lumped into just another person who left.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi,

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Hooli

Sydbristol, have you and him had a chance to discuss the emotional email you have written in person?

[sydbristol]

Originally Posted by NewLyfeForReal

Sydbristol, have you and him had a chance to discuss the emotional email you have written in person?

I haven't. His job has taken him away for most of the month. When he was home, he had to spend time getting ready to go again. I'd like to talk with him about it, but he wont be home until next weekend. He just gets this deer in headlights look when you try and talk about things. He says he doesn't understand how to empathize so he doesn't say anything. I actually do that too, when someone starts crying around me inside I freak out. I'm awful at consoling people. He was the first person I was ever able to be supportive of.