[lschut36]

I am currently 6 months pregnant, I had to go overseas to do an Ivf treatment and stayed 3 months by myself. I am high risk due to my age (43) and have constant check ups. I don't work so my husband is the one paying the bills, but I am a very good wife to him.

The house is spotless, food is hot, clothes are clean, etc. We have been getting along fine because I rather no complain about certain things but when it comes to something he has to compromise, the cruelty and meanness of his words are extreme. Every time we have an argument he always throws in my face that I should be happy that I don't work, that have a place where to live and other women in my condition(pregnant) are doing, exercise, climbing stairs, running, working etc. He always makes me feel like I am worthless and anything I do is not good enough. Last night he told me that he didn't needed my food or washing the clothes because he can eat better than any meal I make for him and he can do his own crap.

I am carrying his baby, is not even mine, I used an egg donor to be able to get pregnant.. I wish I could find a job and be able to support myself but I don't think anybody will hire me at my advance stage. I have never allowed anybody to maintain me because sooner or later it will be thrown at me. I have no family here, nowhere to go. He always in every argument even without pregnancy makes sure to make me feel so insignificant. after an hour he comes and apologizes saying we had an argument and just live with it. He is a Police officer and he doesn't stop or see my point of view until I'm hysterically crying and screaming. There is no talking with him to explain what i feel, he immediately attacks me and degrades me.

[kaliope]

hi
it really sounds like you are dealing with verbal and emotional abuse. you need to decide if this is the type of life you want to continue to lead, the type of home you want to raise a child in, whether you want to keep this child since you made a point to specify it is not yours. you seem to realize how difficult it would be out on your own at this point. what you dont mention is contacting a domestic violence shelter. they consider emotional abuse abuse as well. at least the one in my city does. they help you get back on your feet and start a new life. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[Yoda]

He sounds emotionally abusive.

If he doesn't want your meals let him cook his own for awhile. Or forever.

Was he this way before you became pregnant?

[healingme4me]

If leaving isn't an option, at this point, there's ways to learn to protect yourself, emotionally. I'm in the middle of a book, not certain how it would be taken, by your cop husband, yet written by one, used by many. 'Verbal Judo:The Gentle Art of Persuasion'. It includes numerous communication techniques, that I'd learned on my own path to leaving an abusive, more often verbal than physical, marriage. Not saying leaving is the only choice, as I'm aware that there's some out there in this world whose spouses made a turnaround on the brink of a failed marriage while the other spouse became healthier. Many chose therapy, some read, utilized support groups. If you choose wellness, perhaps he'll follow? I mentioned this one, not because I'm reading it, but because seems safer than some of the literature I brought into my home, guised as old college textbooks.
Learning to detach from his outbursts helps dramatically, as no-one can make you feel anything without your permission, as stated by Eleanor Roosevelt.
A high risk pregnancy is probably not the best time to seek employment, I agree. If he doesn't want laundry nor dinner...why worry?



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[Koko2]

It sounds like he's taking his job training for dealing with reprobates and applying it on you. It's too bad you didn't know about this before you agreed to the pregnancy. Maybe he needs some counseling for dealing with job stress or whatever else is causing his negativity.

[Rose76]

Why did you want to have a child with him?