Why does my dad have favoritism towards me?

How it goes in my parents house is this, when my mom and dad are alone together they get along fine, but when I'm there with them my dad starts to sound more loving and caring towards me. When it comes to my mom when I'm there, he acts as though he doesn't care anymore about her. His relationship with my brother isn't as bad, but he doesn't act all to different unless it's my mom in specific. It's mostly the cause of why our family isn't so well together.

Ever since I was a kid my dad payed more attention to me and had a positive attitude and outlook when I was around him. He still does that when it's just me and him alone . However his attitude and mannerisms when my mom is around is different, he treats her with negativity when she's around us three together. It feels like he's trying to prove something in front of me or just trying to show off.

It seems when my moms around his attitude turns for the worse when I'm there. He insults her more often, makes fun of her embarrassment and yells at her when she tries to tell him what to do. He almost seems to be more provoked easily when she comes into the room with us. When times come and he 'jokes' about her, he makes me feel like I should be influenced to do it too. He bullies and wants me to bully with him. He's seems to be receptive to my opinions and thoughts only, he doesn't like to listen to my mom than he does for me and we have a good communication and social relationship.

Not much of me cares for my mom either, over the year of my dads complaints about why she couldn't be like me and her spite and jealousy over me, has pretty much left me without my mothers guidance or relationship towards her. She's only known that my dad treated her less than me and because of his favoritism over me than my brother, has a large resentment over my role in the family. I guess she feels like I'm above her and I'm significantly better? It makes things worse since that's still the problem we all face today as a family.

My mom hates me, she used to tell me to never talk to her and when I did, she'd yell for me to shut up. When I was living with them as a teen, my mom always gave me the hardest time. She'd stress me about how I was too much like my dad and that it's a bad thing. My mom even admitted when I was suicidal that she wouldn't mind that I killed myself because it would be my fault anyways. She has serious hatred for me and my dad backs me up on that, when she pulls out her handful of arguments on me and it makes her feel worse.

She thinks I'm a bad kid and all throughout my life she's done everything she'd could to destroy me, humiliate me, and do what she wanted to get me to leave. She keeps snooping around and giving me little privacy because her life revolves around finding anything that will give her evidence to back herself up on her behalf so she'd keep reminding me I was a horrible person. It's like a competition to her, like I'm taking something away and now she need to fight me to keep it to herself.

Whatever reason she has to hate me, it's because of her constant need to win my dads favor is seems. I just need to be out of the picture it seems because when I'm not around my dad she acts just fine. It's all about competing to her and she thinks she's not winning anything so she gets paranoid and that's when she attacks me.

This is a bad situation for you to be in. It is a well known dynamic to occur in families, and it is not doing anyone any good, least of all - you. Your father has "groomed" you to be his special person. You are young and he can attempt to mold you, in ways that he can't achieve with your mother. What I've read is that a parent like this is likely to be narcissistic. From when you were a toddler, you could not evaluate your father and be critical of him, as an adult would be. He might have found more admiration for him in your eyes than he ever got from anyone. That made you special to him.

Your father has "appropriated" you. He is using you to meet his own needs. This is not any favor to you. What's very good is that you realize this is not a desirable position for you to be in. He is offering you a special deal. "You be my special child, and put me on a pedestal, and I will give you special status." His hope is that you will become so emotionally dependent on positive feedback from him that you will twist yourself into knots to be to him whatever he wants from you. He may not even think this on a conscious level.

Since you're young, it can be dangerous for you to speak out too loudly against this. But do try and resist as best you can. As you get older, you may have more confidence and ability to protest this sort of thing. What you can do really depends a lot on what your father does to enforce this family dynamic. I don't know if he is violent. Also, even non-violent parents have plenty of power to become abusive to family members who don't go with them. So I am hesitant to tell you specific things to say or do.

By all means, don't participate in denigrating your mother or brother. If you can do so safely, tell your father that you love your mother and are sad that he speaks disrespectfully of her and to her. Speak well of your brother to your father. When alone with your mom, you could try talking about this situation. Let her know that you don't want your dad to elevate you over her.

I'm sorry for your plight. Your father is robbing you of your mother's affection, and your brother's. Here is a link to a related article. It's not the best thing I've read on this subject, so try yourself to find stuff to read on this. It will be enlightening to you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...iend-or-spouse

I don't think he's quite the person to use me or others, but I do see narcissism in him. My dad just likes me to act more like him because he values me in a way that he takes a sense of pride that I'm similar to him in personality. My mom sees a lot of that and holds a anguish to have me rid of so it won't feel like she is being devalued by my father.

I remember when I was I was around the age of 17-18 and I've over heard an arguement between them were my dad said quote:

"I just like her more I guess because she doesn't expect anythings from me"

I also see that my mom thinks of me when my dads not around as a emotional supporter, but like my father and the way I was raised, I'm not the type to feel sensitive and emotional about others because I either didn't experience it or I don't care enough about. She always comes to me about my dad and her desperate need to understand him and why he's so different from her. She revolves the discussion about their marriage and only needs me their so she has someone to tell it to if no one can listen, but there isn't much I can do anyways and because of that she thinks I'm always taking my dads side and because enraged with me out of her unstable emotions over us as a family.

Of course. Half of your DNA is from him. And he's been a behavior role model for you since you were born. He can see you as a little chip off the old block. And he got to help mold you. For some reason, you were more moldable into what he wanted than was your brother. All of that isn't automatically a bad thing. But when it leads to the hurtful behavior on the part of your father that you describe, it is a very bad thing.

Your father is seeing you as an extension of himself. That's not who you need to be.

Of course, a parent will be proud to see a child exhibiting values that the parent tried to instill. That's not what this is about.

For a man to say to his wife, "I prefer my daughter to you." is just wrong on a number of levels and on a number of fronts. And it's not really a compliment to the daughter. That is a man using his child for a relationship not proper to a parent and child.

Try to read up on this topic. You'll learn a lot. It isn't only the incestuous, sexual molesting father who can have an inappropriate bond with a child. I'm not saying your father is doing anything obviously creepy with you. But it's not healthy. He has alienated you from the affections of your mother. There's nothing good about that. As you get older, you'll see more and more how much your brother, also, resents this set up.